You’re Doing it Wrong

Sometimes I have no idea what how to play a video game. So I sit down like I was in school to learn all about it. But the basics don’t always seep through my rock-like brain. I’m not always a star pupil.

Sometimes you meet other people who have no idea how to play games either. Oh, don’t laugh. We’ve all got lost at some point, even if we’re an unstoppable online hurricane now. So I took that theme of self-inflicted disaster, or failure, in video games and wrote a post about it. Perhaps you can relate to some of these blunders.

Friendly… Explosions?

Tick, tock, Boom! You hear the sound of a clock winding down. Then a massive and unexpected explosion shakes the screen on your TV.

Your comrades lie scattered and charred. You set off a bomb that killed them all. They’re not happy. They hurl vulgarities at you as your headset blares. “It was just a mistake,” you say. Your team mates beg to differ as they move in for the kill.

In Love with the Floor

Your character wanders around in circles and seems obsessed with the floor. His eyes are so focused on the floor that they seem frozen in a downward gaze. Basic movement is a challenge as he bumps into walls and knocks bricks loose like they were Jenga blocks.

But it’s just a simple corridor. Come on! Well, I understand the problem. You can’t use a joy stick to both handle movement and work the “camera”. This drunken movement sometimes occurs when a person picks up a controller for the first time. Take some baby steps, and you’ll get. I promise.

Hey, I couldn’t use chop sticks at first, but I’m an expert now.

The Need for Burnt Out Speed

Jack Trasher, a seedy speed junkie, skids on a side road. Tires screech and civilians scream “run for your life!” Jack’s speeding car careens around a snow bank, flips in the air and lands with a thump. All the glass has shattered. Acrid smoke, which stings the nostrils, seeps through the front of the car.

Next time, drive on the correct side of the road!

A Strategic Surprise

Your heavily armored, shotgun laden trooper bursts through a glass window. Without a moment to spare, the trooper darts through a warehouse blasting holes in the scaly, sickly skin of aliens.

Then you wake up, rub your eyes and peer down at the square-shaped tiles on the ground. Your jaw drops faster than the apple that – supposedly – hit Sir Isaac Newton on the head. Uh oh! You’re in a turn based strategy game.

The shots you fired had a 30% hit rate and, surprise, they hit nothing but air. Now the aliens swarm around and move in for the kill. The 8 ball’s prediction: the next turn will not end well for you.

If Homer Simpson Played Hockey…

Your skates carve and mark the ice as you sail a long with the puck. Your character winds up his stick and time stops. The crowd’s cheers suddenly seem to halt. Then the stick slaps the puck and projects it through an ill-prepared goalie’s legs. You get ready to scream with joy.

There’s only one problem: the net belongs to your team. Doh!

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What funny mistakes have you made while playing video games? What’s your gaming bête noire? Come on, don’t act shy, I’m sure there’s something.

I often bump into walls when I play racing games, and that’s probably why I don’t play them these days.