Am I a small person because I wish my video game character was taller?
Category Archives: Video Game Misc.
“Hey Laura, how about this weather? We’re stuck inside all day, and the grass isn’t even greener.”
Mike stared out the window at his red bike at the end of the driveway, and he started to wimper. For a moment, if one stood outside looking in, it would seem as if a tear was falling down Mike’s face. But it was just a rain drop slowly dripping down the glass.
“Mike, you’re just sulking and talking about depressing things. What about the video game I got you? Surely that brought you some joy.”
“Meh! It was alright. It wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. I was thinking I’d call the fulfillment center’s number on the box the game shipped in. Maybe they could make things better.”
Mike raced for the phone and dialed the number while sporting a big grin. He sighed again but this time it was a hopeful sigh: he expected the call would make his problems disappear.
“Hi fulfillment centre, I’m calling about Bloodbath II: The Ultimate Killing Frenzy. While I won’t deny it was a top speed roller-coaster adrenaline rush as advertised, I was left feeling empty. Something’s missing.”
“Hi sir, I’m sorry, but we do not offer complete fulfillment. We just put things in boxes. You’ll have to look outside the box to find fulfillment.”
The sheer whiteness of it all nearly blinded me. I mean the screen that was staring at me, taunting me and daring me to get started. The screen was blank for now, but it needed to be filled. Did the blankness, in the interim, say something about me, about my inability to start a new journey? Did it reflect some personal vacuousness? Why could I not get started?
“Oh thank goodness! I never thought this game would move beyond the loading screen.”
My eyes felt like they were carrying a heavy burden. I could only relieve myself of this burden by shutting them. I slowly started to close one eye, and then the other became green with envy and followed suit. I sat on my couch about to enter another world. The world was full of comfy pillows, jumping sheep and rest. It was the world of sleep.
I only had to swim across the mental moat separating the two worlds. I dove into the water and let it caress me, let it push me slowly and gently into sleep. But the tranquil ripples turned into a roaring waterfall in an instant, and I nearly drowned. I woke up as if I just surfaced, wiping the perspiration off my forehead.
Clap, flap, clap, flap! All I heard were these sounds that resembled chattering but sadly not the sweet songs of birds. I turned to my right and saw a stack of video game cases flapping their lids as if I wasn’t even there. Imagine the rudeness!
I could not keep my lips sealed. “Will you use wise guys shut your cases! I’m trying to sleep here, and your blathering is keeping me up.”
I’d play your video games while you’re away.
One sunny day, I found myself sitting on the couch not knowing how I got there. This weird black thing with two joysticks fell into my hands. I didn’t know what this thing was, but I decided to tap the button in the center and see what would happen. Next, these bright colours popped up on the screen and nearly blinded me.
On the screen, my bipedal, anthropomorphic, cute and cuddly lamb character was in her warm, wooden house. I controlled her, moving her about the house while looking for things to do. Then I drew up a list of chores for the lamb to complete.
The lamb started by sweeping all the floors. Afterwards, there was enough lint and fuzz, I reckon, to make fifty fluffy blankets. Then the lamb blew on all the old NES cartridges to get rid of their dust. She bagged up all the dust and fuzz — ready to dispose of it.
Before dumping the garbage, the lamb washed all the dishes. After all, flies buzzed around the house and fed off her dirty plates. After washing, the lamb noticed some scraps had fallen off the dishes and on the floor. She reacted by cleaning the floor until its sparkle rivaled what would be one jealous diamond. Finally, she cut the grass, pulled some weeds and threw out the trash.
The lamb started to yawn and yearned to settle down for a long night’s sleep. The full moon popped up to wish her sweet dreams as she put on her slumber mask. She imagined humans jumping over fences as her eyes closed one at a time.
I shut off the game. I patted myself on the shoulder for such a productive day.
Then I got off the couch, turned around and saw my leaning stack of dishes had fragmented in to a thousand pieces on my floor. An archaeologist, one day, would be excited by such a find. For now, I moved forward and waded through a sea of garbage bags, complete with flies who’d taken up residence on top of them, in my living room.
As I reached my bedroom door, a tumbling tumbleweed of dust and fuzz rolled by me. I stopped to let it pass. I reached my bedroom window and shut the blinds to avoid the milky full moon that bathed the night with light. “Hmmm,” I thought as the blinds covered the window, “I’ll have to pull those weeds and cut that meter-long grass one day.” Then I fell on my bed and shut my eyes.