Category Archives: Video Game Misc.

Have You Played This Game?

Yesterday, I booted up my Windows PC, a boring task I had done countless times before, to play video games. I expected several hours of gaming free from the powerful forces of commercialism. After all, my usual experience was that of uninterrupted gaming bliss. I had also been thinking earlier that I could outsmart anyone tricking me into buying junk. But a window popped up on my monitor that changed the way I saw the world.

The window said,  “Which of these upcoming video games have you heard of?

  • Halo X
  • God of Belligerence
  • Purveyors of War
  • Rabid Rabbits
  • None of the above.”

“Ah, great, I hate these interactive ads. Alright, I’ll just answer truthfully: I’ll choose Halo X. The truth shall set me free,” I thought.

Click.

I started playing Milky Way Dairy Simulator on my PC and, as I milked my goat, I saw another window. This window said, “Which one of these games do you intend to buy?

  • Halo X
  • God of Belligerence
  • Purveyors of War
  • Rabid Rabbits
  • None of the above.”

“Man I knew I should have chosen none of the above for the first question. That would have stopped ’em for sure. I guess I can choose it this time. I mean, it’s a small lie, and I’ll be too busy playing my game to feel bad.”

Click.

I cleared my throat, stretched my neck, took a deep breath and got back to the game. It was time to check on my cheddar. That is, it seemed like a good time, but a third window popped up on my monitor.

“Why would you lie, Adam? And why did you say ‘That would have stopped ’em…’ No one can stop us!”, it said.

Click. Click. Click!

“Oh, man, they can read my thoughts!”

I pulled out clumps of my hair. I jumped out of my chair. I ran to the window in my apartment before committing an act of self-defenestration and landed in my neighbour’s backyard.

I do not remember what happened during the next couple of hours. Friends say they found me sitting in a stream with blue lips and chattering teeth, rocking back and forth. But, hey, I was free of those ads.

Advertisements

3 Comments

Filed under Video Game Misc.

You Have the Power to Forgive

Stan’s face was red enough to cook a steak. His clenched jaw was reminiscent of a dog who would not part with a bone. And the vein in his forehead looked ready to burst and spew out burning hot lava. He took a deep breath and decided to take his mind off of the pending explosion.

He reached for the power button on his video game console. He was hoping to play the stress away, to let the unpleasant feelings melt like butter in the sun. Suddenly, he heard a voice and felt a static shock when he tapped the power button.

“You have the power to forgive. Let go.”

Where was the voice coming from? Stan did not know.

He sat there chewing the origin over. The clock seemed to tick and tock without end until he wrote himself a note in his journal. He smiled, the steam dissipated from his ears and his red face cleared up. He knew what he had to do tomorrow.

Leave a comment

Filed under Video Game Misc.

Gotta Get My Daily Dose of Video Games

Last night I realized I had no time to play video games. I realized this as a tear dripped down my cheek while I scrubbed filthy pots with a smelly sponge. Sure, my apartment has never looked cleaner, but my games have never been more neglected.

In a vain attempt to make time for video games, and also because I like writing lists, I decided to do something about my problem. I wrote down six ways to squeeze more games into my life. The list was and is a little half-baked: I wrote it while I was fading in and out of sleep one night.

  1. Take video games with me on my next undercover mission. I can’t discuss this further: it’s top secret.
  2. Play video games while making toast.
  3. Play video games while brushing my teeth.
  4. Play video games while tying my shoes.
  5. Play video games while juggling pots and pans.
  6. Play video games in the shower.    Update: This one was not a good idea. I tried it on Sunday afternoon. I don’t think my hair will grow back. I will be revising the appearance section of my dating profile.

 

 

2 Comments

Filed under Video Game Misc.

Blame it on the Game

Fsfnskfskfsdfh wrieuwqweoiwdokck,cnm,cnjnr2390ru320r923r03320r90329ru390rusrs3290ru2cjklaslcjs

2eo2ep2oi3eop32ieopi32eopi2eopip2o3iropi32opre2p   6767676767676foiepfoiewpfoewifeopfiewfisvksdvsdvsdvjdsvlkdsjvkldsjvwepweqwriqwoouoqwueowiqueioqwryvc,zcsfewofewhgoieu09328320948320fjfjfjdsfkdsjfldsfjdsklf239ru32ru32r0329ru3902r2390  22fjaslfjslfjdskfjdslfkdjsglkdjlkdsjgldjglds

Kgjdsklgjdslkgjd

S

L

gj

[Update: Oh, I’m so sorry I published this post. I had a video game controller in one hand while I

typed, and well,

 I’ll revise this soon

as I finish playing the 3402934829034flksdfsmfadlmad.mvv

Sffffsfsf                sfsdfsdboewriew]

15 Comments

Filed under Video Game Misc.

Playing the Blame Game

I blame video games for turning me into the kind of monster who wouldn’t publish a great post for you.

Leave a comment

Filed under Video Game Misc.

I Have a Confession to Make

I’m ashamed to admit this. I think the Three Stooges had more of an influence on my life than video games.

Leave a comment

Filed under Video Game Misc.

If a Soccer Mom Played a Grand Theft Auto Game

“Hey Max,” said his mother, Kathy, “whatcha playin’?”

Max had his back turned to his mom. On screen, his character was firing a rocket launcher while dangling from the bottom of a hovering helicopter. The rockets whizzed and screeched out of the launcher and turned enemy choppers into massive fireballs.

“Huh?” he asked.

A couple of seconds later, Max’s character was touching the ground and was driving a Mercedes-like car. Kathy, still behind Max, sighed.

“Ah I hate this mission. I can never get there in time to drop the people off before the timer runs out,” said Max still staring at the screen.

Max could feel a pair of eyes, with laser-like focus, burning a hole in his back. He shot his mother a quick glance and saw she had folded her arms and was glowering at him. He put down the controller.

Max said, “Alright, alright I’ll go do it now. Sheesh! I never get any me time.”

When Max left, Kathy reached for the controller with a shaky hand. She stopped herself. First she looked left, right, under the couch. “Is anyone here?” she asked herself. After one could see all doubt was removed, she plopped herself down on the couch and started playing.

The current objective was to drive two kids to basketball practice on time. “Haha hmmm”, she thought, “well why not?”

She took off in the car, but the car lurched forward when she tried to stop at a red light.

“Ooops!”

A torrential downpour fell down her forehead because she saw a cop car on the opposite side of the intersection. Nothing happened. The cop car drove past. Kathy went on her merry way in the game world.

“Well that’s strange,” she thought as she sped up the car a little bit.

Kathy wiped the sweat from her brow and checked her left and right blind spots before she continued driving. She slumped down a little in her seat, as if she felt a little small for what she planned to do next, and she accelerated faster than any sane person would in this world.

She smiled when she heard no sirens and saw no kids. Kathy thought she could do whatever she wanted to accomplish her mission. After a while, she did not even see other people or drivers in the world. In fact, after a couple of minutes, she came to an intersection that only had tumbling tumbleweeds.

But as she revved her engines and slammed on the gas, a pedestrian rounded the corner, and she “bumped” into him. A slight delay on screen ensued between the bump and the pedestrian falling over.

Kathy put her hand over mouth and muttered something inaudible.

And she spoke up, “Oh dear, oh I’m so, so sorry!”, she said. She had her character roll down the car window and searched for a button to say something. All she could find was a button that made the character taunt the pedestrian with rude thrusting gestures.

“Oh no! This is even worse,” she said.

The pedestrian didn’t turn around. He just wiped the dirt off his shoulder and kept walking. No one stopped Kathy or said anything to her.

She moved her hand away from her mouth, and her demeanor changed. She thought, “Oh, what the hell; I’ll just keep going. No one seems to care in this world anyway.”

She smirked and lifted one corner of her mouth much higher than the other. She revved up her engine and was counting to three.

Suddenly, the expression on her face changed. She hit pause and put down the controller. Kathy pushed her hand under chin and lurched forward on the couch until she looked Rodin’s “The Thinker.”

“Wait!”, she thought, “should I be going faster? Should I keep doing this? How should I treat others and what am I even doing here?”

She concluded it was a good game, picked up the controller and kept playing.

Leave a comment

Filed under Video Game Misc.