Category Archives: Video Game Misc.

What Makes A Video Game Good?

It’s the game’s willingness to stand up to evil. I mean, to stand in the face of evil, despite hot and stinky breath that manages to wilt beautiful faces.

It’s self-sacrificing love: understanding the other may be too tired to play.

It’s doing countless selfless acts, even those that seem insignificant, like helping an old lady cross the street. This includes stopping to pick up the cabbage she dropped and then letting ducklings cross the road.

It’s taking care of friends who are left on the shelf because no one wants to play with them.

It’s experiencing all that life has to offer, understanding the world, making good judgments and acting on them.

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You Can Save the World (And Here’s How to Do It)

By now, you’ve explored most of the world around you. You’ve probably loved many people and felt loved by others. You’ve probably experienced joys and sorrows, and highs and lows. I bet you feel like the world is worth saving. Here’s how to do it.

  1. Open the main menu.
  2. Scroll to the bottom of the menu.
  3. Click “save”, open a new file and click “confirm.”

That is all.

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Go Get an Extra Life

The Earth stood still yesterday.  I’m not sure why. I do know I stared through my window at a bright blue sky for some time and saw no movement.

I had hoped to see something interesting outside, and I was hoping not to spy a Rear Window style murder. I was at least expecting to see or hear something moving on the street or in the buildings nearby. But the only movement came from my clock. Its tick tocks, by contrast with outside, were deafening.

I scanned the never-ending walls of glass and brick apartments that surrounded me. Everything I saw was dark. Was nobody home playing video games? I mean, what else could they possibly be doing with their time? Who would not want to play video games?

Some of the brick building denizens, I imagine, might reply you can’t have a life when you play video games. But there are so many extra lives to be found in games. Go get yourself one.

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Half-Truths Video Games Told Me

Video games told me I could fly. I’ve been standing here all day on the balcony wearing feathers and nothing’s happened.

Video games told me I could run without getting tired, but I can’t run around a major metropolis for hours without losing my breath.

Video games told me I could save the world… Well, I’m working on that — one level at a time.


Wish me well as I beat my dastardly flu into submission. I will reply to all old comments soon.

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The Art of Standing in A Crowded Subway Train

Everyone wants a cushy seat on the subway. Few people receive the  seat they deserve. Often they are forced to stand in a crowded train, without air conditioning, on a hot summer day. They wonder, “Why am I here?” I won’t pretend to address the more existential aspect of this question, but I will talk about the irritating subway situation.

How one should conduct oneself in a crowded train? You should give up your seat for mothers and children, the elderly and families. Sometimes you should step off the train and let people exit before getting back on yourself. Sometimes you’re lucky enough to get your own seat and not need to give it up. But what do you when there is standing room only on the train?

Look at the space available and adapt to it. This is where a good knowledge of video games, such as Tetris is helpful. Like the “Z” piece, twist your arms in one direction while your legs move in another direction. Or consider tucking in your arms, legs and back and standing straight like “|” in the corner.  Then it could be a decent ride. As people leave the train, you might be lucky enough to stretch your legs in an “L” position while you stand as straight as “|”.

Your fellow citizens love you because you know how to stand on crowded train. They’ll be grateful you’re not falling on them as the train lurches forward, scalding them with their own piping hot coffee. You can tell them you learned this  skill from video games.

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Why Do We Do Chores in Video Games?

We whine about doing chores, yet we enjoy tending to our gardens in video games. Why is that?

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Even Heroes Lose Their Save Files

Master Chief and Mario, our heroes and the greatest protectors of life on earth, decided to unwind. They sat down to play video games.

***

Mario: “Heya Chief! Hows about we play Okami.  Take control of Ammy and let’s a go!”

Master Chief: “Sure, Mario I’ll show you my way mad skills. Is that what the kids say?”

Once there was a dark wasteland before the white wolf. The darkness threatened to consume the peace on the land. Then Chief took control of Ammy and suddenly blossoming flowers, flame and bright lightning cascaded together. A rainbow formed in the sky and everything shone brilliantly.

Master Chief: “I did it! I restored beauty to the land.”

Mario: “Chief, you da best.”

Master Chief: “Well, they don’t call me a master for nothing.”

Mario: “That’sa lame.”

Master Chief: “Well, I’m a professional hero who fights aliens; humour isn’t my thing. Lay off me.”

Mario: “Look! Something’s wrong with the screen.”

Master Chief: “Huh? Noooooo!”

The screen froze after Chief had unlocked the two trophies for catching all fish and beating  the last devil gate trial.

Mario: “Chief, is that a tear running down your visor?”

Master Chief: “N-no… it’s nothing” [sniffle]. Come on we better get back to work. My job is to save the world. I was a fool to think I’d be good at these stupid video game things.”

Mario: “Wahoo! Let’s ago!”

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Filed under Silly Video Game Inspired Fiction, Video Game Misc., Video Games I Play