Category Archives: Video Game Misc.

If a Soccer Mom Lived in a Grand Theft Auto Game

“Oh dear, little Ricky is going to be late for glass blowing practice!”, Lucy said.

She locked Ricky into his seat. She flicked “the button” next: the car transformed, with the obligatory sound effects from the Transformers 80’s TV show, into a mobile fortress, or depending on your perspective, it transformed into a train that runs through a mad, mad, mad world.

Lucy zoomed through the first intersection and stopped at a red light, just as a yellow butterfly fluttered in the wind and landed like a gentle leaf on her windshield. Meanwhile, a helicopter hovered overhead, sending trash flying in all directions on the street. Five cop cars ducked, dived and dodged their way through lanes, their tires red hot, in pursuit of a rogue red car. The rogue red car swerved all over the road and tried to spray clips at the coppers behind it. Instead, the bullets riddled nearby buildings. Lucy stared straight ahead; her eyes hypnotized by the red stoplight.

When the light turned green, Lucy accelerated so fast that pedestrians’ heads were spinning as they craned their necks toward her car. Lucy zipped through three more intersections before she arrived at the glass blowing building. As she ran inside with Ricky, a tank rolled by, crunching cars and flattening trees. It was a typical night in Capital City.



Filed under Video Game Misc.

Forever Alone at the Top

Lights lit up Sam’s name with a rainbow of colors on the leaderboard. His pockets, adorned with hand-stitched dollars signs, were overflowing with gold coins. John and Mike, by contrast, were less talented gamers who could use some of Sam’s extra coins. The smell of Mike and John’s characters’ clothes sent digital rats scurrying, and the pixelated moths on the screen found their rags provided little to pillage. Mike and John extended their hands to beg for some spare gold coins, to help their characters reach a dignified level.

But Sam pushed past them; his haughty head held high, and his nose slightly upturned, though more than usual after his rhinoplasty. Sam figured there was no need to look out for the people below. Note: Sam had enough gold coins and experience to share but didn’t think about helping.

Sam’s focus had been on reaching the next level, on furthering “my” game, on increasing “my” experience and how he rose to the top by tightening his own bootstraps. But, as he sat on the edge of the leaderboard and towered over the world below, he begin to question himself and what he was doing. He started questioning after he looked to his right and looked to his left and saw no one. He sighed, clutching his heaving chest. “It’s not all a game that I need to win,” he thought, “there’s more to life than leaderboards and shiny coins.”


Filed under Video Game Misc.

How to Make a Video Game in 7+ Days

On Day 01, the developers created the sky and filled it with the rays from two suns. They tweaked the brightness until they could barely see white text on the black background. And the developers said it was decent.

On Day 02, the developers created a huge, blue ocean and spent some time perfecting the shimmering light on the rippling waves. They filled the sea with scaled creatures of every kind. And the developers thought that it looked okay.

On Day 03, the developers stayed up past midnight to create the land. They covered it with mountains, ridges, bridges, golf courses, and yes, sand traps. And the developers saw that it was good.

On Day 04, the developers implemented their dynamic lighting and music engine. And, while  bopping their heads, they said the game both sounded and looked great.

On Day 05, the developers filled the land with medpacks, explosive barrels and vehicles that could fly, cruise and traverse any terrain. And they saw that this was cool.

On Day 06, the developers noted the land looked barren and lacked character, so they created the main character and his partner. And they saw that these people were excellent.

On Day 07, the sky fell, the planet shook and the uprooted trees went flying into the air. And the developers said, “Oh no! This is not good!” But they worked through the night to make things right.


Filed under Video Game Misc.

Consumed by Video Games

“I think I lost It.”

Sam breathed so hard after mumbling these words as if his lungs were trying to escape his chest. Sweat poured down his face and left him glistening wet, as if he had walked through a rainstorm. He hunched over and rested his hands on his knees. He was desperate to catch his breath. Alas his breath was moving too fast for him to tackle it into submission, let alone to get a grip on it. Staying in his mind and considering his body’s feelings were luxuries he could ill afford.

The wall next to him crumbled like a cookie, except no delicious chocolate chips fell to the ground for him to scoop up and savour. Sam ignored this event and bolted straight forward, forgetting what his body and brain were telling him; he left those thoughts and feelings in the dust he had created with his feet.

Behind Sam, he could hear It. The sound was a constant rolling rumble, like a rusty wheel on an old cart that a beleaguered donkey was pulling. A citrus smell, especially of oranges, pervaded the area around him. The rumble become louder and louder.

Munch! Out of the corner of his eye, Sam saw It devour the wall to his right and burst through the rest of the blue concrete. Sam had fallen to the ground, he stared at It with his mouth open and his eyes wide. He tried to cover his eyes with his arm but could not stop looking at It. As It crunched and digested the wall, Sam’s stomach churned with disgust, he was able to look away and focus on moving forward.

But he had already memorized the look of It. It had one large eye in the center, and a giant mouth, which never shut, took up one-quarter of the body. It’s mouth was always ready to eat everything in It’s path, including the red cherries Sam had dropped from his pocket. It was a giant, thin disc and one side was shiny silver. The other side was purple and had some white text scribbled on it.

But Sam never saw the text: he shot forward as if a cannon had fired him. He turned left. Then he turned right around a corner. Then he turned right five more times. He was not going the right way and had made no progress; his head spinned because he ended up where he began. He decided to let his heart guide him. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and made one more right turn. A huge smile overtook his face when he saw the exit, but he tripped and stumbled to the ground.

He heard It again making a strange bleep and bloop sound effect as It flapped It’s yap. It rounded the corner, rolling forward, and locked on to Sam. He covered his eyes with his hands as the mouth moved closer and closer.


Sam sat bolt upright so fast that his neck almost snapped; things began falling off of his body as he did so. He was sweaty, his eyes were wide, and he searched around the room as he breathed loud enough to waken the neighbours from their slumber. He hopped to his feet and shook himself like a wet dog, and as if insects had covered him, he rubbed his arms and legs to get rid of any clinging critters. Soon his breath slowed down, and his vision became clear as if someone had put clean glasses on his eyes, as opposed to the beer goggles that he wore when he first rose to his feet.

His improved vision made it clear he had shaken off video game discs. They had covered his eyes, head, mouth, legs, torso, arms and heart. Free from this burden, he walked towards a door, he could already see something bright appearing through the cracks, and opened it. He walked outside to a place covered with light.

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Filed under Video Game Misc.

Texting with Video Games Characters – Part III

[I started texting Gordon Freeman to “catch up.” I’ve decided to be polite and not share his number or address on my blog.]

Me (April 2, 2009 3:10 pm): Gordo! How ya been, buddy!? It’s your ol’ pal, Adam. I haven’t heard a peep from you in years.

Me (April 2, 2009 3:11 pm): Hey, it’s been a minute since I sent my message. Did you get it?

Me (April 2, 2009 3:12 pm): Cause I’m still here… It’s cool though. I can wait.

Me (April 2, 2009 3:14 pm): Hey man, jus checkin’ if you got my three other messages. I can re-send them if you didn’t. Let me know.

Me (May 1, 2009 12:09 pm): Can I at least come by to play games?

Me (June 19, 2009 2 pm): Alright, it’s been a while, and I won’t lie: I was hoping to talk to you about something I’ve been looking forward to.

Me (August 13, 2009 11:00 am): I can’t believe you’d give an old friend the cold shoulder like this!

Me (December 7, 2009 10:26 am): You got some nerve ignoring me after all these years! And after all we fought through together? All I’m looking for is one thing. You know what I want.

Me (December 26, 2009 1 pm): Screw you, Gordon!

Me (March 22, 2010 6 pm): I’m so sorry for what I said to you in the supermarket the other day. I should have put the pineapple down and stopped screaming. You were so stoic in the face of my sojourn from sanity. I didn’t mean any of it. I wish I could take it back. I hope you’ll forgive me.

Me (March 22, 2010 12:30 am): I’ve just been under a lot of stress lately. I haven’t been myself. I got a lot on my mind and a lot I’m looking forward to.

Me (November 19, 2010 8 pm): Did you get the present I left you on your front doorstep? I’m not expecting anything for myself but I got another surprise for you… we’re neighbours now! 😀

Me (February 27, 2011 10 pm): Gordon, you hard at work on smthg?

Me (February 28, 2011 12:15 am): Got any new projects to announce?

Me (February 28, 2011 3:06 am): Please, Gordon, I’m dyin’ here, man! You got any leads for ol’ Adam?

Me (February 28, 2011 4:32 am): Okay, okay. I’ll give you 1 mill for some news about HL3. You know I’m good for it. So please tell me!  And I won’t tell a soul.

Me (February 28, 2011 5:13 am): I’ll take ANYTHING man!!! Come on!!!!!

[Message from Cell Service Provider:] Click to view a report about the last message you wrote.

[My internal monologue at 5:15 am: What’s this? I knew you couldn’t stay mad at me! I knew you’d respond.]

[Message from Cell Service Provider:] The previous message to G. Freeman could not be delivered.

[My internal monologue at 5:17 am: Well, at least I didn’t embarrass myself.]

Me (February 29, 2011 7:03 pm): I was such a fool last night. I’m better than that.

Me (March 1, 2011 2 pm): I’m so sorry for my behaviour the other day. I lost it again. I think it’s best for both of us if I disappear for a while.

Me (October 1, 2017 4:16 pm): I’m much better and care free now! Thanks for asking.

Me (January 1, 2018 2:12 pm): Oh, I see what you’re doing ;). You’re playing that old game where you pretend not to know me. Well, two can play that.

Me (February 7, 2018 6 pm):   … ???

Me (August 9, 2018 7:08 pm): You’re really good at this game, Gordon. You can give it up at any time now!

Me (April 8, 2019 5 pm): It’s my bday today! 😀 Any updates? 😉


Filed under Video Game Misc., Video Games I Play, Video Games I Want

Texting with Video Game Characters – Part II

I’m in the plumbing business with Mario and Luigi; it’s my side gig.


Me (3:oo pm):

Hey guys, I’m headin round the corner to get some coffee and donuts. You can unpack the tools, but don’t touch anything else until I get back. I gotta check out the problem before we start workin.

Me (3:10 pm):

Did you guys set up the tools? I’m about to head back.

Mario (3:11 pm):

Mama mia!

Me (3:11 pm):

What’s wrong???

Mario (3:12 pm):

Photo of a sink pipe that Mario broke







Photo of a faucet that Mario and Luigi broke.










Me (3:14 pm):

😲 You knuckleheads! Why I oughta… I left you alone for five minutes, told you not to do anything and now this happens. I thought you guys had like over twenty-five years of plumbing experience.

Luigi (3:15 pm):

No, no, no! Mama mia! Ohhh boy.

Me (3:16 pm):

You guys are making us into the Three Stooges here. Let’s hope we don’t wind up in front of a judge.

Mario (3:17 pm):

Wahoo! Let’s-a go!

Luigi (3:17 pm):

Okey dokey!

Me (3:18 pm):

Heyyyy I’m not going to take the fall for this! 😠 You wise guys stay where you are. I’m coming.

Me (3:19 pm):

Oh how I wish I’d never got into this business with you. I should just stick with blogging.

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Filed under Video Games I Play, Video Game Misc.

My Only Fear of Death

Is respawning next to this crazy guy with the machine gun. Look at him: he’s just camping out there and mowing down anything that crosses his path. Can I live?


Filed under Video Game Misc.