Category Archives: Video Game Misc.

Texting with Video Game Characters – Part II

I’m in the plumbing business with Mario and Luigi; it’s my side gig.

***

Me (3:oo pm):

Hey guys, I’m headin round the corner to get some coffee and donuts. You can unpack the tools, but don’t touch anything else until I get back. I gotta check out the problem before we start workin.

Me (3:10 pm):

Did you guys set up the tools? I’m about to head back.

Mario (3:11 pm):

Mama mia!

Me (3:11 pm):

What’s wrong???

Mario (3:12 pm):

Photo of a sink pipe that Mario broke

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photo of a faucet that Mario and Luigi broke.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Me (3:14 pm):

😲 You knuckleheads! Why I oughta… I left you alone for five minutes, told you not to do anything and now this happens. I thought you guys had like over twenty-five years of plumbing experience.

Luigi (3:15 pm):

No, no, no! Mama mia! Ohhh boy.

Me (3:16 pm):

You guys are making us into the Three Stooges here. Let’s hope we don’t wind up in front of a judge.

Mario (3:17 pm):

Wahoo! Let’s-a go!

Luigi (3:17 pm):

Okey dokey!

Me (3:18 pm):

Heyyyy I’m not going to take the fall for this! 😠 You wise guys stay where you are. I’m coming.

Me (3:19 pm):

Oh how I wish I’d never got into this business with you. I should just stick with blogging.

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My Only Fear of Death

Is respawning next to this crazy guy with the machine gun. Look at him: he’s just camping out there and mowing down anything that crosses his path. Can I live?

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I’m a Man of Many Worlds

I travel to them in the Video Games Nebula rocket ship.

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I’m a Man of Few Words

[Goes to play video games.]

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Wishing You Were Here

I could hear the sounds of calming waves behind me; they collapsed and made a sssshhhh sound before the cycle repeated. These waves were in my background while I lay on a hammock focused on the rectangle in front of me. While staring ahead, I, for a second, imagined what was happening out on the waves that I could not see. I “saw” the water invade the shore,  but it often retreated into the greater sea. Sometimes, at high tide I imagined, the water worked at full force to overrun the beach. Today, the waves the proved to be a spent force and nothing more than a pleasant sound as I played.

On the screen in front of me, I drove a massive, futuristic jeep on a planet with towering yellow and purple trees. I held down the gas so that I became airborne — nearly clipping the wings of a flock of cyan birds mid-air — after launching off ramps. The aliens, whom I presume built these ramps, placed the structures in curious places. The placement suggested the alien architects were daring me to launch myself into the air at a dangerous speed. So I drove around most of these structures. One time, I gunned the engine and flew off the ramp higher than ever into the sky.  Nothing could stop me.

After launching off of this ramp, everything moved in slow motion as I ascended higher and higher. The cyan birds swooped down to my eye level and pecked at my character’s helmet, but while keeping one hand on the steering wheel like a responsible driver, I swooshed them away. When the birds parted, my lungs sunk into my stomach and my eyes grew wide as I saw what lay before me. I was going down. I was about to land on a glittering, gold beach. As we got closer to the ground, alien butterflies floated around the jeep, an external manifestation of my stomach’s sentiments. I crossed my fingers and closed my eyes.

Thud!

The jeep bounced off the rocky beach like a trampoline — yes, this was not a realistic game — and landed in a sand trap. My character started digging the jeep out of the sand. I hit pause in the game world.

In my world, I could still hear the waves in the background. I got off the hammock and opened the window. The waves evaporated and the pleasant sounds ceased. The sounds of the city replaced the waves as I peered outside. I heard tires sloshing through giant puddles and the slushy sounds of cars driving through wet snow. I heard the rain tap against the roof and saw stacks of snow and ice collapse and crash from the sides of buildings. I saw planes zooming in to land and heard their engines exhale, after a long trip, as they got closer to the ground. I could smell the street meat on the corner and heard both cars and geese honking. I needed ear plugs!

I turned around, unsatisfied with my breath of fresh city air and returned to the game. My character was still digging the jeep out of the sand. While he did that, I took in the game’s beach: the water did not have a ripple in sight and it was sunny. I smiled. I decided to share my joy and took a photo of the screen with my phone. I added a caption, “Wishing you were here,” before sending the photo to a friend.

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Hell Is No Other People

Maybe video games don’t need other people, but I do. I also need love, water and sunshine, near a nice windowsill, to grow. Oh and some good food too. How about you?

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Beware The Cereal Killer!

He is a menace stalking your neighborhood, looking for his next target. He is the cereal killer, and he is coming for your boxes. Watch out because he sneaks passed defenses and break into people’s home on Saturday morning.

He plops himself down on your couch, rips open all of your cereal boxes and puts his feet up on your coffee tables. He likes to play all your video games while munching on Lucky Charms. Do you only have “healthy cereal”? Yes, he devours everything and leaves only a trail of crunchy crumbs, soft marshmallow bits and scratched game discs in his wake before destroying the next house. The cereal killer thinks he gains experience points to level up each time he plays and eats because he has constructed an elaborate, imaginary game world in his head.

I have warned you.

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