It was okay for him to play video games all day until he could not see or walk straight. Because he was both playing and job training: he was going to be a professional gamer.
Category Archives: Video Game Misc.
Please Give it to Me!
I wish I had one case to store every video game. I have so many loose discs lying around and nowhere to put them! I have enough dust coating my games to make a dustman. (It’s something like a snowman except it’s made of dust.)
“How did that video game get up there?”
“I don’t know; I don’t have a doctorate in aerodynamics. It’s been floating up there for some time.”
“Well, let’s get it down.”
“I’m not moving one inch. Let’s just let it come down when it’s ready, and we can play it again.”
“Alright, sounds like the best plan to me.”
An earthquake shook the game world for ten uninterrupted seconds. Explosive crates flew into the air and blew up when they slammed into the ground. Ammo crates were caught in a whirling windstorm and scattered across the map, distressing players who had memorized their spawn points. Sara’s character, who belonged to the red team, ran through a storm of whizzing RPGs and mortar blasts, and she minded the minefields.
One blast landed too close for comfort, and Sara’s character rolled to avoid it, falling into a shell crater. Another member of the red team cowered in the crater’s dirt as if shell shocked. Who knows what his owner was doing.
Sara yelled into her mic, “Pull yourself together! We can’t stay here. We’ve got to move. Let’s dash like hell on the count of three. 1, 2…”
Suddenly, a mortar blast vaporized Sara’s comrade. “I’ve had enough of this!” Sara said. She charged through the smoke without knowing her next stop. It was like she was running through a perpetual dust storm without a map. She tripped but got back on her feet only to see a massive blue flag. She was in front of blue team’s base.
The significance of this flag had not yet dawned on Sara or her character, for they were both enchanted by the imaginary smell of barbecued meat. To be exact, she found herself in front of the blue team’s mess hall. The cook was grilling blue burgers so juicy that the grease sometimes leaked out and landed on the charcoals. Sara and her character imagined the smell of the fat wafting into their noises. Both of their tummies grumbled for some of the meat that neither of them could have.
Sara saw the blue team’s cook behind the grill. “Easy prey,” said she as she licked her lips. She lifted her rifle and pulled the trigger.
Click, click, click.
Sara shook the controller and her character, in response, shook the useless weapon. The character threw the gun away as Sara considered doing the same motion with her controller. Sara stopped and scratched her chin for a minute. She nodded and then decided to make her move.
“Hey, good lookin’ what’s cookin’?”
Dean, the man who played as the cook for the blue team, only heard the latter part of her question. With his back still turned to Sara, he said, “Cookin’ burgers. It’ll regenerate our team members’ health ten times faster than med packs.”
Dean’s character turned around and was about to toss a blue burger at his guest. “Hey,” he said, “you’re red!” I’m not supposed ta be fraternizing with the enemy.”
“Oh yeah,” Sara said as she made her character wink and lick her lips, “maybe I could make it worth your character’s while.” Dean went silent. His character stood still.
“Ya know, I’m thinking of going blue. Do you think the blue outfit would look good on my character?” Sara had her character twirl around on the battlefield as mortars blasted overhead and men screamed in agony for their mothers.
“Duhhh… yeah!” said Dean, who was slack-jawed for a couple of seconds before he replied.
“I could start by trying out your rifle and seeing how it looks on me. What do ya say?”
Still entranced, Dean said, “Uhhh sure.”
Sara snickered so hard and shook so much in response that she had to cover her mic. “I can’t believe he just did that,” she thought.
Dean heard static and spoke up, “Hey what’s that noise on your end?”
Sara straightened her face, killed the laughter and dried the tears from her cheeks. She said, “Huh? Oh, nothing.”
Sara’s character picked up the gun and reloaded it.
“How do you use one of these cofounded blue toys?” she asked as she turned it in every direction.
“Well, you start by pointing and… hey don’t point it at me!” said Dean.
Sara’s character pressed the gun’s trigger until her whole hand turned white. Meanwhile, off-screen, Sara’s own hand also turned white as she held down the trigger.
Dean’s character fell to the ground like a sack of concrete.
“Hey, no fair!”
“Haha! Later loser” said Sara. Her character ran forward so fast that she left a trail of dust in her wake. The blue team never stood a chance.
Yesterday, I booted up my Windows PC, a boring task I had done countless times before, to play video games. I expected several hours of gaming free from the powerful forces of commercialism. After all, my usual experience was that of uninterrupted gaming bliss. I had also been thinking earlier that I could outsmart anyone tricking me into buying junk. But a window popped up on my monitor that changed the way I saw the world.
The window said, “Which of these upcoming video games have you heard of?
- Halo X
- God of Belligerence
- Purveyors of War
- Rabid Rabbits
- None of the above.”
“Ah, great, I hate these interactive ads. Alright, I’ll just answer truthfully: I’ll choose Halo X. The truth shall set me free,” I thought.
I started playing Milky Way Dairy Simulator on my PC and, as I milked my goat, I saw another window. This window said, “Which one of these games do you intend to buy?
- Halo X
- God of Belligerence
- Purveyors of War
- Rabid Rabbits
- None of the above.”
“Man I knew I should have chosen none of the above for the first question. That would have stopped ’em for sure. I guess I can choose it this time. I mean, it’s a small lie, and I’ll be too busy playing my game to feel bad.”
I cleared my throat, stretched my neck, took a deep breath and got back to the game. It was time to check on my cheddar. That is, it seemed like a good time, but a third window popped up on my monitor.
“Why would you lie, Adam? And why did you say ‘That would have stopped ’em…’ No one can stop us!”, it said.
Click. Click. Click!
“Oh, man, they can read my thoughts!”
I pulled out clumps of my hair. I jumped out of my chair. I ran to the window in my apartment before committing an act of self-defenestration and landed in my neighbour’s backyard.
I do not remember what happened during the next couple of hours. Friends say they found me sitting in a stream with blue lips and chattering teeth, rocking back and forth. But, hey, I was free of those ads.
Stan’s face was red enough to cook a steak. His clenched jaw was reminiscent of a dog who would not part with a bone. And the vein in his forehead looked ready to burst and spew out burning hot lava. He took a deep breath and decided to take his mind off of the pending explosion.
He reached for the power button on his video game console. He was hoping to play the stress away, to let the unpleasant feelings melt like butter in the sun. Suddenly, he heard a voice and felt a static shock when he tapped the power button.
“You have the power to forgive. Let go.”
Where was the voice coming from? Stan did not know.
He sat there chewing the origin over. The clock seemed to tick and tock without end until he wrote himself a note in his journal. He smiled, the steam dissipated from his ears and his red face cleared up. He knew what he had to do tomorrow.
Last night I realized I had no time to play video games. I realized this as a tear dripped down my cheek while I scrubbed filthy pots with a smelly sponge. Sure, my apartment has never looked cleaner, but my games have never been more neglected.
In a vain attempt to make time for video games, and also because I like writing lists, I decided to do something about my problem. I wrote down six ways to squeeze more games into my life. The list was and is a little half-baked: I wrote it while I was fading in and out of sleep one night.
- Take video games with me on my next undercover mission. I can’t discuss this further: it’s top secret.
- Play video games while making toast.
- Play video games while brushing my teeth.
- Play video games while tying my shoes.
- Play video games while juggling pots and pans.
Play video games in the shower.Update: This one was not a good idea. I tried it on Sunday afternoon. I don’t think my hair will grow back. I will be revising the appearance section of my dating profile.
2eo2ep2oi3eop32ieopi32eopi2eopip2o3iropi32opre2p 6767676767676foiepfoiewpfoewifeopfiewfisvksdvsdvsdvjdsvlkdsjvkldsjvwepweqwriqwoouoqwueowiqueioqwryvc,zcsfewofewhgoieu09328320948320fjfjfjdsfkdsjfldsfjdsklf239ru32ru32r0329ru3902r2390 22fjaslfjslfjdskfjdslfkdjsglkdjlkdsjgldjglds
[Update: Oh, I’m so sorry I published this post. I had a video game controller in one hand while I
typed, and well,
I’ll revise this soon
as I finish playing the 3402934829034flksdfsmfadlmad.mvv