Thank You Spammers

Comment spam is the bane of my blog’s existence all year round. The spam is gobbledygook that seems flattering at first glance but never amounts to a coherent thought. So, like most others, I’m annoyed to find this spam clogging up my site.

Upon entering my WordPress Dashboard, I spot a medical report warning that the heart of my blog is full of plaque-like globs. It’s spam. My blog, I fear, might suffer a heart attack from this clog, and my blogging day seems ruined by this news. After all, there’s no redeeming feature to this plaque.

Well, the spam might be somewhat welcome if it was clever or humorous for once. Perhaps a spammer could share an amusing anecdote to entice me to stop and read their entire comment. Perhaps they could leave an insulting–and witty– note about the amateurish quality of my writing. Perhaps they could link to a humorous review of a video game or at least something related to video games. This clever spam would be like a dangerously high fat dessert: it seems good and easy to consume but it’s bad for a blog’s health. Alas, clever writing is too much to ask from a spammer. However, despite their poor writing, the spammers might have a purpose after all.

Spam on my blog has cheered me up in the past. See, I hoped to get my total blog views to a certain level by this summer, and I was far from that goal just a while ago. Then one magical night, as the snow flakes swayed and fell to earth and as the moon looked like a ball of Swiss cheese in the sky, I wished for more blog views.

One day the wish came true. I woke up and I had reached a record-setting number of daily blog views! In less than a month, I had also exceeded my expected views for the year. The spammers, while bombarding me with comments, had helped me surpass my blogging goal.

The spammers thought they would choke my blog’s heart with their junk, but they were wrong. They tried to annoy me, but they couldn’t force me to feel annoyed; instead they helped me. Thank you spammers.

P.S. I’ve updated my about page, and you might want to check it out. Thanks.