What Do Video Games Do for Me?

We do so much for video games. We tend to virtual gardens, mine for space gold and keep the games company for hours on end. What do video games do for us? Yes, they are bright and flashy, but I am a sophisticated and discerning connoisseur who expects more than that. I have done some deep thinking, and I think video games should have these features.

1. They should help me to be a better cook. Maybe if I tap “X” repeatedly these herbs will finely chop themselves. It will be even more effective than the Slap Chop.
2. They should give me infinite energy. How else will I stay up all night playing video games and still work?
3. They should pay me. I have collected so many coins while playing video games, and I deserve a share of the winnings. I am still working on a deal with my accountant and lawyer. I will let you know the final figure.