If Video Games Had Pop-Up Ads

John couldn’t sit still and was on the edge of his seat as he reached the end of the game. This is his internal monologue.

***

I’ve slayed all the evil beasts who have gnarly, grimy claws in their smokey dens of inequities. I’ve restored peace throughout the kingdom, toppling the dragon tyrant from his throne of bones. And now I’ll open this door to save the princess.

[Squeak]

Yay! There she is.

“Oh, thank you dearest prince…”

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Hmmm maybe I am paying too much. I… Oh great! I missed everything she said.

Ugh! I guess I’ll just reload the save and try again. OK, a hack here and a slash there, and the dragon falls with a thud — again.

Call today to book your pest control appointment.

Well, I guess I have a lot of bugs in my apartment because I keep replaying this game instead of cleaning. Maybe I will give them a call to… No! I missed the ending again.

Alright, I scale the castle walls, swim the shark infested moat, raise my shield, hack, slash and thud again. Oh, rats, I spilled my Pepsi all over my new carpet. I’d better find something to wipe it up before my girlfriend kills me for ruining the rug. I told her I’d clean up my act.

1 weird trick to get rid of cola stains.

Hey, wait a minute here. How would the console know what I’m thinking, or could it be telling me what to think?

Quit asking so many questions and keep playing.

Ok, reload, scale the walls, swim moat, raise shield, hack, slash and thud again.