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If Video Games Had Pop-Up Ads

John couldn’t sit still and was on the edge of his seat as he reached the end of the game. This is his internal monologue.

***

I’ve slayed all the evil beasts who have gnarly, grimy claws in their smokey dens of inequities. I’ve restored peace throughout the kingdom, toppling the dragon tyrant from his throne of bones. And now I’ll open this door to save the princess.

[Squeak]

Yay! There she is.

“Oh, thank you dearest prince…”

Are you paying too much for car insurance? Click here to find out.

Hmmm maybe I am paying too much. I… Oh great! I missed everything she said.

Ugh! I guess I’ll just reload the save and try again. OK, a hack here and a slash there, and the dragon falls with a thud — again.

Call today to book your pest control appointment.

Well, I guess I have a lot of bugs in my apartment because I keep replaying this game instead of cleaning. Maybe I will give them a call to… No! I missed the ending again.

Alright, I scale the castle walls, swim the shark infested moat, raise my shield, hack, slash and thud again. Oh, rats, I spilled my Pepsi all over my new carpet. I’d better find something to wipe it up before my girlfriend kills me for ruining the rug. I told her I’d clean up my act.

1 weird trick to get rid of cola stains.

Hey, wait a minute here. How would the console know what I’m thinking, or could it be telling me what to think?

Quit asking so many questions and keep playing.

Ok, reload, scale the walls, swim moat, raise shield, hack, slash and thud again.

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Filed under Video Game Misc.

Mock Advertisement: Expand Your Mind with This Implant

Expand your mind today while playing video gamesThe Next-Gen Begins in Your Head

You can now play video games with your thoughts.

No more need for controllers, a mouse, or motion control!

Just buy Brain Rot Inc.’s head implant, sit back and rot your brains while playing video games all day long.

Then you feel like a mindless, puddle drooling zombie.

Here’s how you can become zombie:

Step 1:

Let us drill a small hole in your skull. Trust us, you won’t feel a thing.*

Step 2:

We lodge our new brain implant into your head.**

Step 3:

Glue yourself to your couch and play our video games non-stop for several days.

Step 4:

Go forth and munch on brains. We recommend free range brains only.


Disclaimer:

  • You will turn green over several months before you look like a mindless zombie. In the meantime, test subjects should refrain from eating loved ones.
  • You are willing to lose several brain cells.
  • You agree not to hold us responsible for the loss of your brain cells.

*Note: We’ll try to make sure you don’t feel anything, but we can’t make promises.

** You allow us to make a little room in your head, if necessary. Though we shouldn’t see too much if you’ve played our games for long enough.

(If you have no idea what I’m talking about, read my post, Move Over, Motion Control! Play Video Games with Your Thoughts)

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Filed under Video Game Technology