Tag Archives: food

When Life Throws Tomatoes at You

Tom almost burst with enthusiasm as he hopped onto the stage to debut his new video game.

“Hey everyone!”, he said. “allow me to show you the next big thing in gaming.”

He clicked a button, the lights turned low and screenshots of his game cycled through on a massive screen. As Tom scanned the crowd to gauge their initial impressions, he felt drops of sweat pour down his forehead. He wiped his brow before he continued .

“I’ve listened to your feedback on my previous games,” he said, “and this time I incorporated some of your thoughts into this one.” Tom saw a couple of eyes twinkle and huge smiles, with glowing white teeth, became visible.

“But this time I decided to make it a freemium game.”

Now the audiences transformed into a bunch of belligerent Hydes. They contorted their faces in a grotesque manner and their booing rendered Tom’s speech inaudible. Suddenly, red blobs flew through the darkness and splatted on the stage. They were tomatoes! Tom ducked and searched for cover to no avail. He tried to run off the stage. Instead, he slid on the red mash and landed face-first before fading to black.

***

When he awoke, all he saw was red. If Tom had been a character in his game, his vision would return and his wounds would heal after avoiding gunfire for several seconds. But Tom had not yet developed a way to heal human beings or give them clearer vision; that was beyond him as a game developer. He rubbed his aching head, which hurt as if he had been partying all night. Except he was alone. The audience was gone.

The janitor, wearing a dark blue uniform, was now the only other person in the auditorium. The janitor swept up all of the dirt, plastic cups and garbage into a massive landfill in the corner of the room.

Tom stumbled toward the edge of the stage and sat on it. His already oblong face seemed longer than normal. He sat there and licked some of the tomato juice from his mustache. “Mmmm. At least it’s tasy,” he thought, even though his eyes were downcast.

The janitor stopped sweeping for a moment and glanced at his only friend in the room.  “Hey buddy,” said the janitor, “I think you got something on your face.”

As he sat there, a piece of tomato pulp slid down Tom’s cheek and splatted on the stage. He sighed with enough force to blow dead leaves off autumnal trees. The rest of the night was a blur for Tom.

***

Tom woke up possessed: he had been slaving for hours behind a hot pot on the stove without remembering how he got there. His girlfriend entered the room, grabbed a big wooden spoon and dunked it into the pot. She licked the spoon clean and nodded. She titled her head and looked upward before her eyes lit up and seemed to jump out of her head.

“Wow! That tastes better than my nonna’s sauce, just don’t tell her I said that haha. Most tomatoes are pretty bland this time of year. How’d you do it?”, she asked.

Tom winked at her.

“It’s a secret,” he said.

 

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Filed under Silly Video Game Inspired Fiction

I Ate Dinner with Video Game Characters

Last week, I got to meet many of my video game heroes.  They invited me over for dinner, but I wasn’t sure what they would serve, or if they eat at all. Let me recount what occurred.

***

1. Mario and Princess Peach had me over for spaghetti and meatballs. The food smelled heavenly, the wine flowed like water in a river, and they were indeed interesting company as they shared stories of their many adventures.

In a dimly lit dinning room, we tucked into the main dish, as well as squid and fish that were both freshly caught from Mario’s games. After a while, I got the feeling Mario and Peach would recreate the famous spaghetti scene from Lady and the Tramp, and I tried to excuse myself. But then Toad, Mario’s annoying neighbour who can’t take a hint, appeared and would not stop yapping. Oh well, it was a good night overall.

2. Does Master Chief eat? That’s what I thought after I had accepted an invitation to dine with him at his palatial space mansion. Something about taking a giant space elevator into Earth’s atmosphere seemed strange, but I happily went on my way. Of course, I had to take a time machine several years into the future for this meal to be possible, but I’ll omit such boring details from this story.

As the elevator ascended higher and higher into the heavens, I mused about how Master Chief eats. Does he take off his helmet, or does he have a system inside the suit that feeds him? Then I laughed as I pictured him eating cream puffs or dainty finger foods. First of all, this kind of food doesn’t fit with Chief’s “tough guy” image as projected by Microsoft’s marketing. Second, he probably has to avoid such delicate food for fearing of smushing it with his iron grip.

Ding! The elevator had arrived at the top where the Chief had prepared a delicious meal. To my great surprise, I discovered he was a vegan. State secrecy laws prohibit me from discussing how Chief eats or what we ate, but the food sure was tasty!

3.  I wasn’t sure Kirby could ever be “full”. That was my suspicion as I headed for his place. It turns out my suspicion was correct: Kirby devoured both his plate and mine before consuming the entire refrigerator! At first, I thought this overeating was okay because he was ensuring nothing went to waste. He somehow seemed thoughtful.

But my initial reaction turned to disgust as Kirby spat out whatever he had sucked into his mouth and then inhaled more. I don’t mind telling you that I was thoroughly upset, and I ran away before Kirby could eat me. Talk about terrible table manners! I guess you should never eat with some of your video game heroes.


Did you have dinner with video game characters and what happened?

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Filed under Video Game Misc.

Eating a Video Game?

That doesn’t sound safe. I mean, you probably shouldn’t bite into a video game disk. I’m also not sure how one would eat a digital video game, but it’s probably not safe either.

Allow me to clarify: have you eaten any delicious food that was inspired by video games? What was the story behind the food? Perhaps a princess made you a Mario inspired meatball and marinara sub or something a little more exotic.

13 Comments

June 9, 2015 · 12:28 am

All About You, Food and Games

So I thought I’d take the time to learn more about my mysterious and oh-so-cool readers. And I have a question for you: what do you eat when you play video games?

Do you forgo food in the name of conquering digital universes until you collapse? Do you eat and drink a stereotypical mix of “gamer fuel” and Doritos?  Set the record straight, and I hope, break the stereotypes.

26 Comments

May 4, 2015 · 4:04 pm