Category Archives: Silly Video Game Inspired Fiction

The Video Game That Was Too Big to Fail

Once upon a time, there was a tall man with long, frazzled grey hair. His white gown covered his wiry frame and his plastic goggles protected his bulging eyes. Liquids bubbled from beakers around him and electrical currents zipped and zapped through metal coils so much so that passersby would have seen a blinding light through the window. This was a mad scientist hard at work.

A small, hunched-over figure, his disfigured face covered by cowl, appeared in the doorway behind the mad scientist. The figure spoke: “Master, pray forgive me for this most rude of intrusions.”

“Ugh— what do you want Igor?”, said the mad scientist, “what was so important that you had to interrupt me while I work on my video game system?” The scientist said this while he poured neon liquids that smelled like rotten eggs into test tubes.

“It’s the villagers, master. They are amassing at the castle gates and chanting ‘off with his head!’ They demand to know what happened to all the money they gave you.”

“Yes, well, my head shall stay firmly tethered to my head. There will be no beheading today. You may ignore them.”

“Yes, master.” Igor turned his crooked back and waddled out of the room.

“Wait. I didn’t say you could go. Allow me to show you my latest creation,” the mad scientist said. He sat down in a regular office chair, and it squeaked as he swiveled around and slowly slid across the room. Then the chair stopped, half way before reaching its goal, without warning.

“What did you wish to show me, master?”

“Oh, do shut up. Wait while I get this confounded chair going again.”

The mad scientist’s chair needed some grease. But he decided instead to push his long leg against the floor, as if he was rowing, until he reached his destination. He extended his arm, his eyes sparkled in the light and he pointed toward one corner of the room.

“It’s my latest creation and my pièce de résistance.”

The mad scientist’s chair finally reached the control panel he was aiming for. He then slapped a large, red button, and a spotlight revealed a massive object hiding in the corner. The object was so tall that its tiny head almost touched the massive ceiling in the room. The rectangular body of the object seemed to stretch on forever without end. It also sported a pair of VR goggles for eyes, giant boots, boxing gloves for hands and a power-on button in the center of its chest. And of course, since it was freezing outside, it had a tiny toque.

“This killer video game system will destroy my competition and help me to dominate the video game industry from my castle.”

“So that’s where all the villagers’ money went. Master, do you think it was wise to take so much of it and invest in a risky project like this?”

The mad scientist kept talking. “Look at this system,” he gestured at the machine, “It’s a thing of beauty. It’s too big to fail. It’s going to be a great success; it has to be a great success. Now let me just press one more button, over there, to get this thing started.”

The mad scientist swiveled his chair again and pushed it wish his foot. As he glided across the room toward the second button, he let out a maniacal laugh. The laugh was so shrill it sent marauding mice, hoping to find cheese scraps, scurrying for cover in their homes. Then the chair abruptly stopped short again.

“Oh,” he glanced down at the chair with a frown, “hold on a sec.”

He propelled the chair forward with his foot and let loose another laugh. This one was about as pleasant to hear as nails scratching a chalkboard. And the chair stopped again.

“Wait, wait— I think I got I’ve got it. Yes, Yes”

The chair came to a halt in front of a massive computer. The mad scientist, rubbed his palms together and a child-like glee overcame his face. He flipped open the plastic lid and hit a massive green button with his palm.

“Mwhahahahaha!” he cackled. His insane laugh was so loud that it echoed throughout the castle and even the villagers could hear it outside.

The video game system’s started to rotate its head. It was moving.

“It’s alive! It’s alive I tell you!” yelled the mad scientist.

The system lurched forward awkwardly as it took its first steps, its baby steps.

“Yes, that’s right,” said the mad scientist, “come closer.” A grin, like the Cheshire cat’s, appeared on his face.

But then the system made a rapid move away from the scientist and closer to a wall.

“What are you doing? Stop!”

The system lifted its mighty arms, and punched through the castle walls, which crumbled like a cookie, until the twinkly stars were visible. Then the system ran. It ran far, far away into the cold, dark night.

“Nooooo! This can’t be. My life’s work is lost to the darkness.”

The mad scientist fell to the ground and beat the pavement with his fists. His tears and sweat created a small puddle beneath him.

Igor rushed over, lay his hand on the scientist’s back and gently patted his shoulder. “There, there master.”

The mad scientist sniffled and looked at Igor through bleary, tear-stained eyes.

“Everything will be okay, master. But the system didn’t work. It’s time to give the villagers back their money.”


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Why Am I Here?

A lone figure waddles down a dark and dangerous road. The figure, surrounded by slowly dissipating mist, inches closer to us and becomes visible. The figure’s tongue is lolling out, his eyes are bulging out of his skull, and his shredded shirt is covered by spittle. He is a zombie!

“Grrrrr. Brai– wait,” he says.

He scans the horizon and sees nothing but trees and utter darkness. Not even an owl could be heard in the distance because the darkness, like a true glutton, consumes everything that crosses its path. The zombie sits down on a tree stump next to the road. He leans forward, flexes his arm and rams it under what is left of his decomposing chin. He is the zombie thinker!

“What am I doing here?”, he asked. “Why am I alone? Siiiiigh!”

As he sits thinking, he shakes his head so hard that a rotten ear falls off and plops to the ground. In his state of boredom, he kicks a pebble and it hits a boulder before downing a dying tree. But no one is alive in the forest to hear it fall. The zombie sits on the stump growing roots when he feels his exposed, bony knees begin to shake.

“What is that sound?”

The ground now shakes so hard beneath him that the earthworms ascend into the air, and if they could fly, they surely would have gone on vacation. A whooshing sound rushes through the trees and enough leaves fall to the ground to make a giant woodland salad. A zombie herd, after running their fastest, now pops out of the woodwork.

One zombie from the herd pokes his head around a tree. He talks to the zombie on the stump, “Look alive, Dave! The video game’s about to start.”

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Video Games Ate My Pizza

Once upon a time, there was a lovely little pizza who was piping hot to the touch. It sat on a table in front of a TV, smelled of the Mediterranean and teased others to eat. I know because I put it there and turned around for only a minute.


Suddenly I turned towards the table and saw the pizza was gone. I immediately suspected the Jack-O’-Lantern sporting a mischievous smile. Yes, I had convinced myself it was that rotund, orange backstabber.  I could feel it laughing at me the entire time I searched the room over for a more plausible culprit, but there was none. Its big, stupid, googly eyes stared me down. Soft footsteps masking my hard-hearted intent, I inched closer to the traitor, intending to wreak my revenge.


I turned around so fast that I nearly sprained my neck. There it was: a video game case slammed shut, but a piece of pepperoni stuck to the edge. The case’s tongue-like manual had retreated fast, but I swear there had been cheese on it.

I ran over to the case so quickly that the room shook until a priceless porcelain plate shattered on the floor.  I did not pay attention; I opened the case to discover nothing was there. I ripped open another case, cracked open a second and tore open yet another until there was a veritable tower of plastic. There was nothing! I almost collapsed because I was so exhausted from the ordeal.

As I walked upstairs for bedtime, I heard it again:


And then I fell asleep.



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Bear in Mind

Mike’s eyes became wide as a full moon, and a chill ran down his spine. There was a massive bear squatting in his living room! Every time the bear moved an inch, priceless porcelain fell out of the cabinet and shattered into tiny pieces. The bear cared not. And Mike cared not how his mother would react to the porcelain shower on the floor.

Mike was more worried about the bear. The saying that hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn, Mike could now confirm, was patently false. Hell hath no fury, Mike thought, like a ravenous bear’s sharp teeth.

The hungry bear clawed at the couch Mike sat on and, in one swift stroke, sliced it in half. The bear bit into a pillow and shook it until the living room was blanketed by fluff. Then the bear moved in for the kill. Mike was the next target.

“Huh? No, stop! Ahhhh!”

Mike thrashed violently on the couch and covered his eyes. He opened them a moment later to notice the couch was once again whole. He took a deep breath and let out a tentative sigh. He was shocked.

“You were playing that hunting video game again, weren’t you?” said Sophia.

“No, I swear a bear was on a rampage in here. I swear. Please believe me.”

Mike seemed to have conveniently ignored that the room was in fine shape. The porcelain platters were fine. The pillow was stuffed.

Sophia considered the evidence against Mike. She saw a large, opened bag of Cheetos on the far end of the couch. As she dragged her eyes toward Mike, she noticed yellow crumbs on his chest. As she glanced at the floor, she saw a large orange hand imprint on a video game controller.

“The bear was here, and we better run before it comes back,” Mike said.

“Uh-huh—sure,” Sophia said, “I think it was just a bear in your mind.”


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A Video Game Cold War

Dave and the video game console were not seeing eye to eye. The two of them sat on opposite sides of the room. The console turned toward the wall and turned off. Dave, for his part, was staring out the window on a chilly day as a summer storm soaked passersby to the bone.

Dave felt the chill in his bones as he stared at the torrential downpour outside. He felt as if he might turn into a snowman, even though he hadn’t even turned on the air conditioning. The icy console didn’t help the matter, for it had no drive to play.

The console felt a chill deep within its circuits. It wasn’t playing video games, so it was wasting away without a purpose, showing advanced signs of aging. The machine’s colour faded to grey, not the shade associated with wisdom. No, this was the grey of decay and neglect. If only something could fire up the old console — maybe things would be better.

Dave sat in the apartment-turned-igloo, meditating on this coldness that was turning the walls blue. It surrounded him and the console. Suddenly, his meditating sparked an insight: he had to fix this deep chill before he turned numb. To do that, he had to turn on his video game console, play and find beauty in this world again.

Dave felt a spark as he reached to turn on the machine.

“Finally, I’ll get to play!” he thought to himself.

The console retorted, “I’m afraid I can’t do that Dave.” And it shut down his attempt.

“Ah to hell with this. I’m playing video games, nothing can stop me and the world will be better off because of it.”

“What do you think you’re doing?” the console demanded.

Dave flipped on the console’s switch. Then the console felt a fire within it that it hadn’t felt in a long time. It nearly overheated. Dave sat down to play, and a warm smile overtook his face. It was good to be back home.



Filed under Silly Video Game Inspired Fiction, Video Game Technology

Even Heroes Lose Their Save Files

Master Chief and Mario, our heroes and the greatest protectors of life on earth, decided to unwind. They sat down to play video games.


Mario: “Heya Chief! Hows about we play Okami.  Take control of Ammy and let’s a go!”

Master Chief: “Sure, Mario I’ll show you my way mad skills. Is that what the kids say?”

Once there was a dark wasteland before the white wolf. The darkness threatened to consume the peace on the land. Then Chief took control of Ammy and suddenly blossoming flowers, flame and bright lightning cascaded together. A rainbow formed in the sky and everything shone brilliantly.

Master Chief: “I did it! I restored beauty to the land.”

Mario: “Chief, you da best.”

Master Chief: “Well, they don’t call me a master for nothing.”

Mario: “That’sa lame.”

Master Chief: “Well, I’m a professional hero who fights aliens; humour isn’t my thing. Lay off me.”

Mario: “Look! Something’s wrong with the screen.”

Master Chief: “Huh? Noooooo!”

The screen froze after Chief had unlocked the two trophies for catching all fish and beating  the last devil gate trial.

Mario: “Chief, is that a tear running down your visor?”

Master Chief: “N-no… it’s nothing” [sniffle]. Come on we better get back to work. My job is to save the world. I was a fool to think I’d be good at these stupid video game things.”

Mario: “Wahoo! Let’s ago!”



Filed under Silly Video Game Inspired Fiction, Video Game Misc., Video Games I Play

Stopping the World to Play Video Games

I finished all the dishes, took out the trash and cleaned the floors so well that I could see my reflection. Then I don’t have to clean or move for another two hours. This was the perfect time to sink into a couch, to dive deep into a video game for some time. In truth, I wished to never leave that couch. I sat down, put my feet up and flipped the power switch hoping to stay put.

“Huh? What’s the ear-grating sound?”

There was an irritating buzzing that may have come from inside my apartment. The sound moved closer, becoming intense and then faded into obscurity. As I moved closer to the window, the sound’s origin was clear: race cars zoomed up and down my street. Their tires screeched as they rounded corners and left dark streaks on the already black asphalt. When the racing stopped, I imagined they understood my plight and stopped for me. They care about me. Thinking warm thoughts about humanity, I crouched above the couch and got ready to play.

That’s when I heard a far more annoying sound than racing cars. It was whiny teenagers.

“School sucks. Homework sucks and you can’t tell me what to do!” they yelled.

“Oh, knock it off, quit your whining, go back home and do your homework. I am trying to play video games. You have absolutely no respect for the older generations, do you?” I said.

I turned away in disgust, took a deep breath and sat down to start playing. Then I heard an eerie sound that gave me goosebumps. I shivered as I turned around to see a large object levitating outside my window.

I peered through the window’s blinds and saw a flying saucer full of little green men. I heard people yelling, from the open windows of the apartments surrounding me, “This is incredible! They really do exist.”

I huffed and puffed and said, “That’s it. I’ve had it! I am trying to play here. Can the world please just stop for a second or at least keep it down while I play? Is that too much to ask?”

The saucer moved away slightly and the noise seemed to disappear.

“Thank you!”

I collapsed on the couch, the steam dissipated from my ears. I tapped the start button, and everything went black. The lights died. The power was out.



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