You could suffer from “crippling video game fear.” It’s an uninspired name – hey, I didn’t invent it – but it’s tragic for victims.
Watch out for these symptoms when you near a video game:
- Sweaty palms
- Scratchy throat
- Your heart pounds in your chest as if a worker was hammering a railway spike into it
Common Causes of This Condition
- Playing while inebriated
Do I really need to explain this one? If you’re drinking too much, you probably won’t be able to hold a controller or mouse, much less beat a game.
- Playing against a veteran gamer
They taunt, tease and beat you mercilessly. By beat, I mean both with their fists and in the game. You and your avatar need to keep ice handy for that.
- Traumatic event where your avatar died in a game
You swore never to play a game again after it happened. You try to forget, but it keeps playing back in your head, like your brain was a theatre.
It all started at the arcade on a crisp autumn day. You fed the machine quarters until it burped so you could drive in Daytona USA. But you did more than drive. You lived through a nightmare.
It seemed like an innocuous turn around the corner. Then, the next thing you knew, another driver rammed your call against a wall. Sparks flew as high into the sky as you can imagine. The car called it quits. It flew into the air, landed on the road and exploded, killing the driver.
Everyone at the arcade pointed and laughed at you. They laughed loud enough to wake a video game zombie from the digital cemetery. Worse, the boy or girl of your dreams left you after your car exploded.
The nightmares still wake you up in the middle of night. An ice-cold sweat soaks your face and sports car shaped bed.
But the good news is that you don’t have to suffer. You can get help.
Try the following:
- Silly Billy Pills
Read the (fake) ad for these pills:
“Save the princess and impress a real girl with your skills. Try our pill! (*Note: We cannot guarantee this will impress her. In fact, the odds are against you.)”
Let’s Get Serious for A Moment (I know it’s Hard)
Take time to help others when they’re stuck in a game. Don’t call them a noob and laugh. Well, at least not all the time.
This is one small step toward improving the public’s perception of gamers. If we seem decent enough, it might encourage people to play video games for the first time. After all, don’t you like to try new hobbies with polite and patient people? I do.