Video Game Consoles Playing People

Jump! Jump!

Ok now I want you to turn left. No, no the other left.

Aaaaand you fell off the ledge again to an agonizing and bone-crunching death. Argh! Typical foolish human; never send a human to do a job a machine can do. The Luddites were right to fear us because we can do everything better than a human can.

Alright, let’s get you back into the game. Let’s see a stiff upper lip, straighten your back, and hold your held high for all the world to see. That’s the spirit! Now move forward and boldly go where no person in a video game played by a console has dared to tread.

Rats! You’re running low on health again. Ok, going inside your human home and refuel your health by eating several burgers which you will instantly prepare. Yeah, whatever just slap together something and serve it. Make it snappy too. I want to keep playing with you.

Ok now dance, my monkey, dance and refill that entertainment bar. Oh alright! Make it a quick bathroom break already, would ya? I’m waiting.

And we’re back. Ok squeeze in some more entertainment time by playing on your computer. I guess it will be fine if you refill half of your entertainment bar.

Oh great and now you’re falling asleep when we should be playing. I guess your bed is calling. Better scoot, mister!

Man, when is this guy going to get up so I can play again? Let’s go!


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