Why Video Games Should Play Themselves

Human beings are imperfect. How many times have you walked down the street and seen someone’s pants fall down as they bend down to tie their shoe laces? I bet you’ve seen it a lot. Well, it happens in video games too. No, I’m not talking about your pants falling down; I’m talking about embarrassing failures.

There are endless opportunities for embarrassing epic failures in video games. Falling over and over again to your death. Missing the boss’s weak spots, and instead, having him tenderize you for dinner. Falling asleep while eating or texting instead of beating the game. Throwing the controller and destroying it. Throwing a controller that flies in the air and wacks a friend on the head. Worst of all, throwing a controller that sails thoughtlessly through the air and smashes your T.V. The horror!

But it doesn’t need to be like this!

New video game technology will save us from ourselves.  If we just let games play themselves we could maximize successful game playing productivity while dramatically decreasing human error. Well, enough geek speak. In lay person’s terms, there will be “no more tears.”

But think of all the time heartache you’ll save. You can watch as the computer customizes your characters, embarks on an adventure, fights your battles for you, slays the dragons and marries your princess or prince. Occasionally, the computer will malfunction and you might need to take control and play the video game for up to one minute. But we guarantee to keep your play time to a minimum — or your money back.


Filed under Video Game Technology, Video Game Trends

4 responses to “Why Video Games Should Play Themselves

  1. The Otaku Judge

    Some games sort of play themselves already (such as Final Fantasy 12.) Let’s Plays are popular so I can imagine a day when games come with an option to auto play, allowing the buyer just to watch.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I see what you mean. But I think a lot of people watch “let’s plays” for the sense of community with other gamers and the personality of the person playing. You can’t do that with an auto play that’s built into a game. My post imagines something like the idea of a “let’s play” taken to a silly extreme: you pay for a video game that you don’t get to play.

      My post was satirizing the way games are sold, and what they think about their customers (i.e. too inept to even finish a game). It’s condescending to think we couldn’t finish a game. And where’s the fun in that anyway? Who would want that kind of video game?

      Liked by 1 person

      • The Otaku Judge

        I think my gaming collection certainly thinks I am inept. My house is full of unfinished titles. It would be nice if they could play themselves to completion so I wouldn’t feel guilty about spending so much cash for nothing. Heck with titles like Metal Gear and Telltale games I prefer watching the story rather than playing.

        Liked by 1 person

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