Have You Played This Game?

Yesterday, I booted up my Windows PC, a boring task I had done countless times before, to play video games. I expected several hours of gaming free from the powerful forces of commercialism. After all, my usual experience was that of uninterrupted gaming bliss. I had also been thinking earlier that I could outsmart anyone tricking me into buying junk. But a window popped up on my monitor that changed the way I saw the world.

The window said,  “Which of these upcoming video games have you heard of?

• Halo X
• God of Belligerence
• Purveyors of War
• Rabid Rabbits
• None of the above.”

“Ah, great, I hate these interactive ads. Alright, I’ll just answer truthfully: I’ll choose Halo X. The truth shall set me free,” I thought.

Click.

I started playing Milky Way Dairy Simulator on my PC and, as I milked my goat, I saw another window. This window said, “Which one of these games do you intend to buy?

• Halo X
• God of Belligerence
• Purveyors of War
• Rabid Rabbits
• None of the above.”

“Man I knew I should have chosen none of the above for the first question. That would have stopped ’em for sure. I guess I can choose it this time. I mean, it’s a small lie, and I’ll be too busy playing my game to feel bad.”

Click.

I cleared my throat, stretched my neck, took a deep breath and got back to the game. It was time to check on my cheddar. That is, it seemed like a good time, but a third window popped up on my monitor.

“Why would you lie, Adam? And why did you say ‘That would have stopped ’em…’ No one can stop us!”, it said.

Click. Click. Click!

“Oh, man, they can read my thoughts!”

I pulled out clumps of my hair. I jumped out of my chair. I ran to the window in my apartment before committing an act of self-defenestration and landed in my neighbour’s backyard.

I do not remember what happened during the next couple of hours. Friends say they found me sitting in a stream with blue lips and chattering teeth, rocking back and forth. But, hey, I was free of those ads.