Category Archives: Video Game Misc.

July 12, 2015 · 10:56 pm

Rejected Video Game Ideas

Imagine a group of game developers and I sat around and came up with ideas for video games. Along the way, we made a few mistakes and threw them into garbage can.  Here’s the result:

1. Mold… The Game!

It all started one day when Jimmy, a young bachelor, smelled something off in the back of the fridge. He made a big mistake, though: he ignored it. The next day he discovered that the odorous source was mold, and he made his second mistake: he ignored it again.

The next day the mold had expanded, consumed the fridge and was invading the kitchen. Hundreds of fruits, vegetables and utensils fled for their lives to avoid the unrelenting onslaught of the disgusting mold.

Now it’s time for you to help Jimmy. Fight to reclaim his kitchen and stop the blob of mold’s reign of terror!

2. Is It Dry Yet?

If you have nothing else to do, you’re going to love this game. You sit in a room and watch paint dry! Gain extra experience points if you make it to the end of the game without shutting off your computer.

3. The Little Beanstalk that Could

It grows– so slowly. Watch it every step of the way, and then climb it to enter a mysterious world. Note: it may take 1000 years to grow.

Let’s all be thankful that I don’t make video games.

 

Can you think of other silly or awful ideas for video games?

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Aside

Eat Your Vegetables!

I’ve written several posts critiquing the silly things that people say about video games.  In my youthful exuberance, I neglected to mention that sometimes we should put down the controller. We should strive for balance in life.

And as much as I love video games, there are a lot of unfortunate controversies in this industry. I believe gamers could always treat each other and the non-playing public better. We need to face criticism about the industry with an open mind. We’re not all saints above reproach.

But this is obvious to most of you. I’m still going to say it because we need to recognize that it’s tough for some people to stop playing and stop saying stupid things. Let’s not let them ruin our good time.

So I think I shook my cane at you young whippersnappers enough for today. While I’m at, I’ll remind you to get off of my lawn because you’re killing my finely manicured grass with your coarse running shoes.

And, oh yeah, eat your vegetables!

(This public service announcement brought to you by Video Games Nebula.)

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April 20, 2015 · 8:18 pm
April 13, 2015 · 12:24 am

What Was He Thinking?!

I can still remember the old school. No, not fat gold chains swinging around necks and Run-D.M.C. blasting from over-sized grey stereos. I meant my old elementary school days.

And those were the days. Recess, baseball, munching vegetables–which I happened to like–and time to play video games. Not a care in the world.  Though some of us should have cared a bit more about running afoul of the teacher’s law.

And that brings me to something odd that I saw in, oh, let’s say grade six. Picture any old elementary school classroom.

The teacher wore a stern look on her face as she stood at the front of the class and gestured at the board. It was math time. Somehow she would have all the numbers add up to something important.

Meanwhile, Mike, one of the kids in my grade six class, decided to do something else. He swiftly pulled out his Game Boy color from his desk. Now, he tried a little to hide what he was about to do because he placed the Game Boy in his lap and turned it on. But then he, a person with fine hearing, deliberately chose to roll the volume dial to the highest level.

Mike played for up to five seconds with the volume at the highest level and didn’t turn it down. The Pokémon music then flooded the classroom. It was impossible to miss, and the teacher was awake enough to notice.  Well, the teacher made sure his game over screen would come sooner rather than later.

“Michael! Give me that,” she snapped.

She swiped the Game Boy and tossed it into her desk drawer, a secure fortress that sixth graders never dared to open.

Mike’s face grew long, his eyebrows peaked and his mouth fell open. He looked at us, his classmates, in disbelief. Presumably, the teacher’s actions surprised him.

But I was more bewildered. If you’re going to do a job, do it right. I mean, if he was trying to get away with playing video games during class, why would he play with the volume at the highest possible level? What was he thinking?!

Note: I have never attempted to play a game during class. But how would you have–or how did you–sneak video games into the classroom? How did that work out for you?

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April 6, 2015 · 12:38 am

Wake up and Play

Roused out of a warm bed by visions of sugar plums dancing in his head?

No, his eyes stung and tried to close as if someone had squeezed lemon juice on them.

Feeling in the dark for the switch…nothing found. No luck in the hallway either.

Finally, his eyes opened wide. Everything became clear. Well, at least the cream-colored carpet on the stairs became visible.

He took one bold leap for humanity on to the first step.

Thud!

He landed good and hard to make sure he’d made contact with Earth.

“What was that?”A voice whispered, but it didn’t travel far as the dark hallway swallowed it whole.

“Get the bat!”

“No, no it’s just Sam.”

“I don’t believe it. What on Earth would he be doing at this hour?”

Sam heard this, or, in his drowsy state, might have dreamed that he heard it.

But he kept moving.

Boldly, he moved:

Left foot forward

Right foot forward

Left foot

Right foot

Left

Right.

By now he was awake as the adrenaline shot through his body.

He approached a large, black object in the living room that looked like something from Planet of the Apes.

But it was an earthling’s TV all along.

“What’s he doing down there?” Someone asked from upstairs.

“Who cares! Go back to sleep.”

Nothing in the house stirred, not even the pet mouse.

Then he picked up a controller and started to play.

What do you do at night when you can’t sleep? Eat or read? Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night just to play a video game?

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March 30, 2015 · 12:18 am

Calling all Authors! Pick up a Controller

So often, we hear writers talk about the inspiration for their fiction. Their own experiences might inspire them, something they read, something they watched or an unfortunate incident involving garden shears and a haircut. Note the last one has never happened to me. I’m thankful for that.

But what about video games that a writer played?

Perhaps some people will frown and stick their tongues out at the mere suggestion of including video games.

“The plots are ridiculous and undeserving of my time”, they might object.

Well, even these writers could play a video game and use it as a case study of bad writing. Then show your peers what not to do. Better yet, they could take the next step and show the world how to write good stories in games. So I don’t think it’s a waste of any fiction author’s time–even the most crusty and barnacled old curmudgeon–to play a game and reflect on the story and writing.

Meanwhile, those of us who like games might find a lot of inspiration in them. I loved the story of Mass Effect 2 especially the idea of collecting a team of heroes to take on an impossible mission. I’d love to write my own story with a team of heroes fighting to save the universe from doom. Perhaps, then, Mass Effect 2 was doing something right if it’s story managed to inspire me to author my own work.

Take the poll below and and then let me know how, if it all, video games have inspired your writing in the comments.

 

How have video games inspired you as a writer and/or fiction author?

 

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March 22, 2015 · 5:58 pm

A Freshly Baked Video Game

Did you play a blockbuster video game this past year that didn’t work? I’m sure you heard about Halo, among others. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

I wish there was someone in the video game world who could fix these problems. Some person who could snap their finger and make all the heartache go away. Well, I think there is one person.

I think we need something like a video game chef. We need someone who can test a freshly made game and say if it’s ready.

And if isn’t ready, the chef would say, “It’s RAW! You @#&%! Now take it back, make it properly and then give it to the customer for free when it’s ready!”

Say, does Gordon Ramsay like video games? Yeah, maybe he could do it. If only video games were that simple.

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February 22, 2015 · 12:33 pm

Why I Love Video Games

Pow! Zap! Zoweee!

The sounds of plastic fists beating a plastic chest blasted out of the room. A small army of little men, painted every color of the rainbow, littered the floor. You couldn’t walk over the carpet without crunching little plastic torsos. Sure, your foot would get cut in the process, but you’d get even because their eyeballs would pop out.

That describes my bedroom as a kid.

See, I used to love playing with action figures of all kinds. My toys included Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, X-Men, Star Wars Characters and GI Joes.

My favourite toys were the green and tan army men. You know, you’d buy them in a huge tub, they all looked alike, and they sported cheap plastic constitutions. I liked these cheap army men best because I had enough of them to set-up epic battles. My imagination turned my carpet into a huge territory full of shell holes and barbed wire for years.

Then I out grew toys. Video games, of all genres, let me experience epic battles all over again in a character’s shoes. I start by using my imagination and a controller to create my character in the games. Then the best part occurs when I can jump into the action and blast the enemy myself.

Games let me play as the heroes I used to command on my carpet. That’s one reason I love them: they let me play like a kid again.

I’ll be writing more about why I love video games in the future. This post captures a little of why I love to play them.

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January 25, 2015 · 12:30 pm

I am not Going to Talk about Video Games

People might say I talk on and on about video games until I fall down and fall asleep.

They might be right and this time I’m gonna change.

I’m not going to mention those words once…starting now.

But–gosh–you know I tend to babble on like a brook.

There’s no room for others’ small thoughts

sometimes I even interrupt myself during a…Wait! What’s that sound?

Oh, just a bird

Because my voice drones on about leveling up as if nothing happened.

People hear all about what it’s like

to stay up until the birds start chirping

while I save the universe with a controller in my hand and my eyes magnetized toward a screen.

They don’t want that.

They don’t want me to talk about extra lives or one ups.

Forget game over screen and difficultly settings.

“They are too violent and bloody”

“They warp your mind.”

Others don’t want to hear about speed runs or how you charged through a hail of bullets without a scratch or splinter.

Zombies and shovels are in, right?

Oh, can’t mention them, sorry.

New consoles and specs that make grains of sand visible

You better believe that’s unmentionable

Oh well, at least they let me play, even if I can talk about it.

There! I did it. I didn’t babble on endlessly, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t mention video games, right?

This silly post started with a simple idea: I would promise not to talk about something and then spend the entire post discussing it—in a roundabout way.

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December 21, 2014 · 3:23 pm

My EX (console) Sent Me This

I was the best

the top of the line

but you don’t need coins to play me.

Stacked high on the shelf

and then I landed in your arms

you took me home

and showed me love I’d never known

it almost melted my metal heart.

You plugged me in

to give me life, support.

Energy surged through me

like a shooting star in the night sky

my light shined for all to see.

Now it’s just a daze

a foggy haze in a distant nebula.

And did you know I sat there all day?

so much dust

I couldn’t breathe right

*achoo!*

Where once I was a star

I fizzled out in empty space.

It’s time for you

to move on.

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December 14, 2014 · 1:02 pm

Achievements Gone Wild

Running around in circles in search of a missing golden banana. Sound like an obsession or good fun? What if I told you there was an achievement at the end of the tunnel?

Well, some people might obsess over achievements to the detriment of everything else in their life. Others dismiss achievements as pointless or stupid. Still others, such as myself, like to earn a fair achievement after they finish a fair challenge. And I bet there are even more opinions on the topic of awards in video games.

Now it’s time for you to be the judge. I have three scenarios below. Two probably show someone having fun while earning an achievement. A third, well, it’s a bit extreme.

1. It Never Ends

After you spent 70 hours playing a game, you unlock an achievement. You didn’t look at every blade of grass. Instead, you wanted to explore the beauty of the world. After all, the digital world needs someone to appreciate it too.

2. The Merchant of… Zombieland?

You need to shred 1000 pounds zombie flesh, what’s left of it anyway, with your handheld Civil War era gatling gun. Ammo is scarcer than water in a desert. You’ll have to run around and look in every haystack to squeeze out every bullet. Then, you’ll earn a series of achievements.

3. Green with Obsession

You have to collect the last green gemstone to unlock an achievement. In your search, you stumble upon the stellar scene of a star’s birth but don’t even bat an eye. You repeatedly die and never progress in the game because the final gemstone is, figuratively speaking, lodged in your brain. You will never stop until the gem is yours.

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