Category Archives: Video Game Misc.

Video Games Prevent Alien Invasion

Extra! Extra! Read all about it.

Dear Diary,

I set sail for Earth last week on the 246th of Quazar. My official mission was to catalog the humans so that we might prepare for our coming invasion. But I spent a lot time as I watched them play video games.

They play these games on a screen because, as far as I can tell, it is fun and relaxing. I endeavored to understand these abstract concepts but could not come up with a concise, concrete definition.

I found it strange how they played these games. There was no regulatory mind control body, like on our planet, that told people how to behave. There didn’t seem to be any standards. Some played while standing, others lay on their couch like potatoes. Some played alone while others played in groups. A large percentage stood in front of their TV and waved their arms like they were crazy.

In fact, I found those who stood in front of their TV to be the oddest gamers of all. On the one hand, many humans, including gamers, exercise outdoors to stay healthy. They know they can’t play games all day indoors. Yet, I saw some gamers exercise in their living rooms; their underwear on while they stood transfixed in front of the TV. They used video games as an exercise aid that told them what to do.

It gets weirder still. I studied human musicology—from Amadeus to ZZ Top—and discovered musicians and composers have immense skills and knowledge. Yet, I would watch humans slap, again in their underwear, plastic guitars. They thought they were rock stars, but they looked ridiculous in their living rooms.

I was—at first—impressed with the humans. However, I lost immense respect for them after I watched how they played video games. So I recommend that we do not invade this planet. The humans are not a worthy foe and there is nothing on their planet that we want.

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Having a Fashion Crysis on the Beach

So you decide to get a spiffy new wardrobe. You head to the tailor for a suit, but not just any suit: you’re there to get a nano suit. You know, it’s that futuristic armor from the Crysis games that gives you superhuman powers.

You had zero strength or military training and no exercise regimen to speak of before you bought it. When someone said dumbbell, you thought they were insulting you.

But now you have the suit. You can strut around and feel empowered. Now you can jump higher, run faster and punch stronger than the average Joe or Jill six-pack. The armor also has a cloaking device and can deflect damage. What more could you want?

Well, you might want to have a nano suit and a normal life. But can you have both? Let’s take a look at some scenarios below.

1. You walk along the beach of the Lingshan Islands, the setting from first game. and notice a frog.

I guess you could attempt to pick it up and pet it, but the suit is so powerful that even petting might crush the poor thing. And super soldiers with hyper powered armor don’t pick up and pet creatures, anyway. Petting is too sensitive and doesn’t fit the tough guy clichés.

2. Still sauntering along the beach, you stumble upon a sharp, and potentially deadly pebble.

On closer inspection, you think it’s sharp enough that it could nick someone’s foot. It could even poke someone in the eye.

Cue up the radial menu. Should you cloak and hide from the mean old pebble before it hurts you? I don’t think so. Should you jump over and keep walking like nothing ever happened? Of course not. The correct answer is to strength punch it into a fine, dusty powder. A responsible beach going citizen would do nothing less.

3. You have to perform Chopin’s music at a big piano recital. All your friends and family are there.

They’re so proud of you. What happens next? You sit down and turn on cloak, by accident, because you’re so nervous and don’t want anyone to stare at you.

Then things gets worse. You sit down and start playing, but you’re so strong that you accidentally rip the piano in half just by touching it with you’re pinky finger. Wooden splinters shower your family and friends. Oops!

4. You’re friend has a party and invites everyone over.

He made some nachos and guacamole and asks you to try it. To be polite, you don’t mention how your suit makes eating difficult and get ready to munch.

But you’re so strong and the chips are so weak that they crack into a thousand little pieces. You pour the guacamole on top of the nachos and slam your face into the bowl. Most of the delicious snack covers and stains your visor.

So now you’ve littered your friend’s place with cracked chips, look like a pig and ruined other people’s chances of eating some nachos. You may be wearing a fancy suit on, but you’re still a jerk. Definitely not someone I would invite to my party.

5. You go to see a Rom Com at the movies.

What do you do? Do you use strength jump, punch, run, cloak, or shields? I think we both know, if you’re in touch with your feelings that is. “Cry engaged.”

6. Your little brother asks you to play hide and go seek with him.

You have an unfair advantage in your cloaking device. Should you use it? Of course you should!

Now, he’ll surely complain that he can never find you, but it will help the kid in the long run. He’ll learn to always behave around you. Well, that or he could grow up with a Big Brother complex, watching his back like a citizen from 1984.

Yeah, I think it’s time to take the suit off.

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Early Bird or Night Owl?

The sun rose and bathed the forest with a warm glow. All the birds tweeted — with their voices, not their computers — and sang sweet love songs. A gentle dew quenched all the plant life before the sun rays of the day parched the forest. It was a blissful morning scene.

The songs ceased and the birds spread out to collect twigs for their nests. But Carl the Cardinal was missing.

Max, the biggest Cardinal in the forest, hopped toward his friend and asked, “Hey, Sammy, any idea where Carl is today?”
“Not a clue,” said Max.

Max puffed up his plumage as he chewed this fact over.

“Hmmm he’s not one to miss a friendly chirp.”

Sammy shook a little and squawked, “We’d better look for him then.”

So the two Cardinals flew off in search of their friend. They flew over a babbling brook and didn’t see him. They dove into the tall pine trees and chirped his name to no avail. They asked the grumpy Blue Jays of his whereabouts but couldn’t shake any clues out of them.

After a long morning of searching, the birds lazily flew back to their nest. They perched themselves on their front porches when Sammy started chirping, “I”— he felt a dry lump at the back of his beak — “I hope he’s ok.”

“I’m sure he’s fine. He’s a tough bird and he always kept his beak clean.”

“I know but…but I just have awful visions of a mountain cat and…”

“Don’t Worry,” Max interrupted, “Let’s just try to get some shut-eye.”

Suddenly loud music and explosions seemed to echo throughout the forest. It was coming from Carl’s house!

The birds flew next door to Carl’s nest and found the front door wide open. It seemed like no one was home. They moved deeper into the house and found Carl sprawled across his couch with a controller.”

“No, no shoot left!”

“Carl!” they both screamed, “Have you been sitting here playing video games all day while we worried sick about you?”

“Carl turned around to face them so quickly that his cigar fell out of his beak. “Oh, sorry guys. I woke extra early this morning to squeeze in some game time. I forgot that we were collecting twigs today and just kept playing.”


 

So I’m not much of an early bird when it comes to playing video games. Let me tell you what I am by way of a story…

***

Much later, the forest became deathly silent. Darkness covered everything like a giant black blanket.

There was some relief, though, from the darkness. Something like a gigantic bowling ball with three huge craters appeared high in the night sky.

Then there were two yellow orbs that pierced through the darkness that blanketed the landscape. The orbs were so bright that they even shone through the dense packed trees.

A lone traveler with his flashlight headed towards the trees. He scratched his head, furrowed his brow and wondered “What could those orbs be?”

He walked so close to the trees that he bumped his head. The branches were perfectly camouflaged in the black night, and it was a dangerous time to be in the forest.

“Owww what was that?,” he said.

He moved away from the branch and heard a strange sound.

“Hoo, Hoo!”

The traveller clenched his fist. “Not who. I said what.”

“Hoot, hoot!”

“Oh a wise guy, eh? Alright you asked for it pal.”

The traveler pulled his arm back to deliver a deadly blow. That’s when he noticed the orbs seemed to blink.

“Wait, what the…”

The traveler’s eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped when he saw it.  An owl, perched on a branch, and staring at a glowing white screen. It was playing a handheld video game at night!

“We’ll I’ll be… playing video games at night,” the traveller thought.

The Owl replied, “Hey, will you keep it down over there; I’m trying to play. Geez, the nerve of some people.”

————————————-
I don’t obsessively play video games in the middle of the night in a tree. But this was a different way of saying that I’m a night owl gamer. What about you? Are you night owl gamer or an early bird?

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Ode to Video Games

It starts as a trust building exercise.

You fall back and trust the couch will catch you.

You can’t fight that sinking feeling… of joy as the couch cushions and envelops you.

Now inch forward a little.

Or, thanks to the technological advancements of a shiny new box, speak a command:

“Console, make me relax. I need to cope with a harsh day.”

There’s no extra equipment necessary, no drugs, no mind altering substances and no batteries required to relax.

You turn to play.

You did it as a kid, but somewhere along way people said you were too big.

Now you play with a tech box, not a sandbox.

Let the stress of the day melt away like ice cubes on a warm tray.

Then watch as it flows like a lazy river and pretend you’re swimming in it.

It carries you to strange places, past nymphs and fairies.

It’s like something out of a certain composer’s dream.

Now, you’re only immersed in the game’s menu.

And it’s time to dig in to something substantial.

The beautiful digital art whets your appetite.

Fun is the main course: it sustains you and gets you excited.

The music is a sweet dessert the stays with you.

Each serving tastes better than the last.

Take your time to prepare a strategy.

Chew over all the facts.

Because only you can stop hordes of aliens from burning our planet (and forests).

Or grit your teeth in frustration.

It’s all happening in your kitchen—I mean living room.

Aside from the cooked aliens, no lives were lost.

The thrilling story, your hard work, are finished.

Watch the final boss crumble on the ground.

Off the heat.

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“Play Your Age!”

One day, I might look like a wrinkled prune, but I will still feel young. I wont use expensive creams. No doctor will touch my face. Plastic surgery and cosmetic treatment aren’t options. Instead, video games will keep me feeling young. I’ll play to blow off steam. I’ll play to clear my mind of silly problems. I’ll play to enjoy life. And I believe playing will help me enjoy aging, even if I became a wrinkled prune.

Some of us may think playing is immature. Of course, as children we played for years of our life and learned a great deal about the world this way. Then we stopped. Perhaps we felt silly still playing as “mature grown ups”. Perhaps others laughed at us when they saw us. Or perhaps we stopped because society seemed to expect more of adults. But why can’t we continue to play as adults or even as seniors?

I don’t care if other people laugh; I will keep playing as an old, grey senior. Sure, I’ll help grandkids and family, if I have any. I’ll still volunteer, care for others and be responsible. I will also still make time for video games.

I’ll make time for video games because they help me keep a child-like joie de vivre, which I think is essential for getting through life. Video games combine fun and creativity with the playtime of my childhood years. Whenever I start a new game, I feel joy despite the world’s best efforts to sometimes bring me down. So the calendar may flip fast and wrinkles may crease my skin, but I will feel young forever.

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Video Game Word Art

up to get an extra life.

jumped

I
I

slid

down to get a shiny coin.

 

I       shimmied      across               the              ledge as slow as a snail.
 
Then I sneaked

around

the bad guys.
 
My sword has a deadly

sharp point

and vanquished my enemies.
 
Game over.

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You Deserve a Playday

video game holidayWe need a video game holiday all around the world.

The purpose – wait for it – is to play video games. Play with friends, strangers, online or offline or by yourself. Not everyone must play, but everyone who plays will have a positive impact on the world.

This day will make the world a better place. Playing games will unite people of different races, classes, genders and ages from all over the world. They’ll forget all their problems. The world will sweep up and throw out silly squabbles into the dustbin.

What concrete steps could we take? We could start a series of gaming contests with a huge jackpot for winners. Gamers could play for a charity, and the winner could donate their cash prize to their favourite charity. A tense enough contest with interesting gamers might also be fun to watch at home. It might be something like “Iron Chef” on the Food Network, except controllers would be flying everywhere instead of cabbage.

Even if people cannot compete in this contest, they could rediscover the joys of friendship. Playday will make that happen. Playing team games will act like a glue that binds people together.

For those not interested in team games, organizers will feature games that cater to everyone’s tastes in public meeting places. These meeting places would stock up on every genre. My hope is this will reel in a wide catch of people who previously dismissed or could not afford to play games. The meeting places would also allow people to play games for free. Of course, I have no idea how to carry out this free feat, but I can still dream big.

My realistic goal is to encourage people of all ages to try games. To attract a younger audience, organizers will likely hold the holiday during the summer. That way kids will have more free time to both think about and play games. Developers, or any volunteers, could also bring games to retirement homes.

I hope everyone plays a video game on that day. There’s no reason to restrict video games to an exclusive elite. Everyone deserves to play games, to forget life’s petty problems and enjoy a hobby.

All of these people will be celebrating video games – some for the first time – on Playday. Some might begin to appreciate that games draw on both art and science. They might have questions about this entertainment. Those questions might lead to broader discussions about the role games play in our culture. Then Journey’s beautiful landscapes and poetic code might strike them as a work of art.

But you don’t have to play games. You still have free will. The police won’t knock on your door to make sure you’re playing. You won’t receive a fine for reading instead of recreating American Civil War battles on your computer. The thought police won’t track your thoughts either. You’re free to clear your mind or pursue other things on Playday.

I would think that playing free games is a good enticement. Maybe I’m wrong. However, I think you’ll come around eventually and pick up a controller. If you’ve never done that before, I’ll feel especially happy if you do it on Playday.

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Desperately Seeking Video Games

seeking video gamesI’m lying there in my bed as the fog of sleep is about to clear in my head. My dream of playing video games on an idyllic Saturday afternoon has just ended. It’s time to act. I want the dream to come true.

What do I see now? Golden sun rays stream through the window next to my bed and trigger my eyes to open. It’s a sign that I should get up and start my day. My eyes slowly open like a theatre curtain and promptly shutter because of the light’s stinging harshness. I force them open again and sit there in my bed trying to come to my senses. I feel slightly inebriated with fatigue from a long night but sober up in a couple of seconds.

Now, I’m all bright-eyed, sleep refreshed and ready for the rigours of the day. Nothing can stand in my way as I spring out of bed and land on my feet. The calendar is empty. It’s go time!

I gallop out of my bedroom but stop mid stride as I notice something. I’m overwhelmed by a wave of choices that float in my head. But I artfully dodge that indecisive danger and resolve to play games that afternoon. After all, I have absolutely no plans for the day to thwart my gaming dreams.

So, I walk toward my desk, turn on my PC, and get ready to dive into some great games. I pick up the controller and another thought pops into my head. My beard is a little itchy. Maybe I could use a shave.

The mirror never lies. It looks like I have a lumberjack’s beard. Scratch that. I look like a lumberjack who’s been sleeping in the wilderness for a month with nothing but his axe and the clothes on his back. In other words, I look a little rough around the edges. Also, the urban lumberjack look doesn’t suit me.

So it’s time to practice all that boring hygiene stuff. Give me about half an hour… Ok, now I’m back to my regularly scheduled programming.

Wait! I need to refuel with some good food to get me through the day. Contrary to what you might have thought, Mountain Dew is not the fuel that I’m talking about.

I better make some steel cut oatmeal for breakfast. Of course, you’ve got to top it off with some fresh fruit and stuff. All right, now I’m fully charged and ready to spend some energy on games.

Hmmm my fridge is empty though. So I run over to the store to stock up on groceries. It sounds like a simple task. But there wasn’t a cloud in the endless blue sky and the sun was still shining. How can I be expected to ignore that?

I think to myself, “I’d better go for a bike ride and make the most of this day.”

So forty-five minutes later, dripping with sweat, I get back home in one piece. A quick wash up and I’m ready this time. But I should munch on this delicious sandwich and soup that I made.

Alright already, I’m rested and full of energy, as well as good food. It seems like playing video games will happen in the immediate future.

Then my computer starts to taunt me. “Come on, write a blog post or two. Write another short story. Or do both!”

After couple hours of writing, I’m exhausted. I slowly turn towards the clock and realize it’s late. It’s 6 p.m. The phone rings. It’s my friends. They want to go out for dinner to a new pizza place and got tickets to a show no one thought we’d get. This is too good to turn down.

About 6 hours later, I get home and get ready for bed. I figured I could squeeze in an hour or so of a good game. But my bed, and the book on the nightstand, are beckoning me to come closer. I fold. Then I plop myself into bed. I instinctively reach for Don Quixote and read until my eyelids can no longer resist the concrete weights pushing them down.

Just before I doze off, I try to plan what I’ll do on Sunday. Well, chances are I’ll wake up with book on my head and end up looking for my twisted glasses on the floor. After getting myself cleaned up, I have some volunteer work to do, among other things.

I guess I’ll get a chance next Saturday.

***

Do you ever have enough time to play video games? If so, how do you make time for them? If not, what’s keeping you from living out your dream of playing more video games? What will you do to make your dream come true?

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A Utopia with Video Games

I awoke one morning to the sight of blue light bathing my bedroom.

“Huh, that’s odd,” I thought, “Usually the sun’s golden rays light everything up.”

I looked out the window and saw the sun was a brilliant blue. My eyes widened and my brain froze in disbelief for a minute. Then I did a double take and looked out the window so fast that my neck nearly snapped.

It got weirder. The sky was yellow. The grass was a fiery red and the ocean was green.

“What the…” I muttered as I rubbed my eyes.

I thought of a couple of reasons why I saw the world that way. Maybe I had overdosed on Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon, and now I saw the world through a neon lens. Or I might have had too much to drink the night before. Nah, neither hypothesis was correct.

I shrugged off the world’s appearance and checked out my WordPress Reader. There were new posts from all my favourite video game blogs. Time for some good reading.

I scanned the editorials, expecting to find the usual topics, but everything was upside down. Nothing was the same. Video games had changed the world – for the better.

Critics now praised video games for promoting peace in the world. There were even articles on how the U.N. used games to entice countries to lay down their arms. Also, games, among other factors, helped end hunger, poverty, disease and brought all humanity together in love. So, naturally, all the old arguments against playing video games were swept up and thrown into the trash.

It was a utopia – a perfect world – with video games . It seemed like it was only going to get better, yet it all seemed a little too perfect.

Alas, it was not be! My gut feeling was right. I woke up in my bed, the sun was still bright yellow and video games had not helped make the world a perfect place. Not yet anyway…

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The Most Powerful Button Ever

The screen’s glow keeps me warm on a freezing winter’s night. Then space marines, plumbers, flying turtles and giant mushrooms pop out of the screen. Sometimes I’m a giant who takes great strides o’er this fungi in the digital world.

I’m the world’s hero and the music is my anthem. Sometimes I make mistakes and have to re-do things, but I always save the world in the end.

And all I did was tap a power button.

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