July 12, 2015 · 10:56 pm

Rejected Video Game Ideas

Imagine a group of game developers and I sat around and came up with ideas for video games. Along the way, we made a few mistakes and threw them into garbage can.  Here’s the result:

1. Mold… The Game!

It all started one day when Jimmy, a young bachelor, smelled something off in the back of the fridge. He made a big mistake, though: he ignored it. The next day he discovered that the odorous source was mold, and he made his second mistake: he ignored it again.

The next day the mold had expanded, consumed the fridge and was invading the kitchen. Hundreds of fruits, vegetables and utensils fled for their lives to avoid the unrelenting onslaught of the disgusting mold.

Now it’s time for you to help Jimmy. Fight to reclaim his kitchen and stop the blob of mold’s reign of terror!

2. Is It Dry Yet?

If you have nothing else to do, you’re going to love this game. You sit in a room and watch paint dry! Gain extra experience points if you make it to the end of the game without shutting off your computer.

3. The Little Beanstalk that Could

It grows– so slowly. Watch it every step of the way, and then climb it to enter a mysterious world. Note: it may take 1000 years to grow.

Let’s all be thankful that I don’t make video games.

 

Can you think of other silly or awful ideas for video games?

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July 6, 2015 · 12:03 am

Thank You Spammers

Comment spam is the bane of my blog’s existence all year round. The spam is gobbledygook that seems flattering at first glance but never amounts to a coherent thought. So, like most others, I’m annoyed to find this spam clogging up my site.

Upon entering my WordPress Dashboard, I spot a medical report warning that the heart of my blog is full of plaque-like globs. It’s spam. My blog, I fear, might suffer a heart attack from this clog, and my blogging day seems ruined by this news. After all, there’s no redeeming feature to this plaque.

Well, the spam might be somewhat welcome if it was clever or humorous for once. Perhaps a spammer could share an amusing anecdote to entice me to stop and read their entire comment. Perhaps they could leave an insulting–and witty– note about the amateurish quality of my writing. Perhaps they could link to a humorous review of a video game or at least something related to video games. This clever spam would be like a dangerously high fat dessert: it seems good and easy to consume but it’s bad for a blog’s health. Alas, clever writing is too much to ask from a spammer. However, despite their poor writing, the spammers might have a purpose after all.

Spam on my blog has cheered me up in the past. See, I hoped to get my total blog views to a certain level by this summer, and I was far from that goal just a while ago. Then one magical night, as the snow flakes swayed and fell to earth and as the moon looked like a ball of Swiss cheese in the sky, I wished for more blog views.

One day the wish came true. I woke up and I had reached a record-setting number of daily blog views! In less than a month, I had also exceeded my expected views for the year. The spammers, while bombarding me with comments, had helped me surpass my blogging goal.

The spammers thought they would choke my blog’s heart with their junk, but they were wrong. They tried to annoy me, but they couldn’t force me to feel annoyed; instead they helped me. Thank you spammers.

P.S. I’ve updated my about page, and you might want to check it out. Thanks.

6 Comments

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June 26, 2015 · 12:29 pm

E3 2015 In Your Own Words

Polls and questions abound in this post! E3 2015 has come and gone. Many a fanboy squealed with joy or cried salty tears of disappointment at the sight of an underwhelming game.

What game(s) are you looking forward to playing? Were you lucky enough to attend?

8 Comments

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E3 2015: Are You Excited?

Ah, the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3)! For some, E3 must feel like they’re having an extended birthday full of video games that could make great gifts.

E3 used to feel like an extended birthday for me. I used to digest every single bit of E3 news to learn about upcoming games and draw up lists of games I wanted. I would gleefully watch the console makers battle it out on stage and follow the post battle commentary from critics. I’m still excited, but I don’t have the same amount of free time to follow E3 these days, though I listen to podcasts to stay up to date.

Are you following E3 closely and why? What video games are you excited to see?

4 Comments

June 15, 2015 · 2:29 pm
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Eating a Video Game?

That doesn’t sound safe. I mean, you probably shouldn’t bite into a video game disk. I’m also not sure how one would eat a digital video game, but it’s probably not safe either.

Allow me to clarify: have you eaten any delicious food that was inspired by video games? What was the story behind the food? Perhaps a princess made you a Mario inspired meatball and marinara sub or something a little more exotic.

13 Comments

June 9, 2015 · 12:28 am
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If Video Games Were Outlawed

There is a giant rectangular face with piercing grey eyes that stare deep into your soul. These cold eyes, even though they have no life as they appear on a poster, seem to fixate on you, following you wherever you go. The face also sports a bushy mustache, and even further below, the man in the poster points his accusatory finger at you. This the poster of the All Powerful Leader; the one who has outlawed video games.

What would you do if you lived in a place where video games were illegal?

4 Comments

June 1, 2015 · 10:47 pm
May 25, 2015 · 9:45 pm

We’re Always Moving Forward

And there’s never enough time to play all the video games in my collection. They sit there collecting dust while I dream of playing them, but that’s about it.

Then there’s always bright, shiny new games being dangled in front of our eyes like kitschy Christmas ornaments. They make it tough to resist temptation and remain faithful to our original promises to, say, Samus. If only there was another way.

But today’s our lucky day: a dump truck just unloaded a ton of free time on our front lawns–or apartment floor (No, I don’t know how it got up there). This means you could put aside the new games for a time and look at your collection or buy an old game.  What old games–from any generation–would love to play now if you had the time?

For me, I’d love to play and finish the Metroid Prime trilogy, but I might talk more about that in a future post.

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Filed under Video Games: Reader Q&A

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Video Game Developer for a Day

Suppose a wand, glittering with gold, descended from a clear sky. No, it does not belong to Harry Potter, and please try to take this imaginary magic wand seriously, okay?

Now, upon closer inspection, you notice a white and golden sticker on the wand that says, “Official Nintendo Seal of Quality.” You pick up the wand and watch as purple smoke slowly billows out of it until a beautiful purple cloud engulfs you. This is some sorcery. This is a magic wand!

The wand gives you the magical ability to make any video game you want, to become a video game developer–without the hard work–for a day. What game would you make and why?

Note: Someone or something put the Nintendo sticker there as a joke for gamers. You don’t have to make a Nintendo game. It’s a wand without any loyalty.

11 Comments

May 18, 2015 · 9:45 pm
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So You’ve Had a Bad Day

The toaster burnt the toast as if it was sitting on the surface of a scalding sun. The bus driver decided to arrive on time for once and to splash you with a tsunami of curb water. Your negative algebra test result means that your parents won’t get you a new bike anytime soon. Nothing went right today.

Now, you need to unwind when you get home. Do you play video games to unwind? Is there are a particular genre of game that helps you relax or a specific game that you always play when you’re low (or both)?

9 Comments

May 11, 2015 · 10:46 pm
Aside

All About You, Food and Games

So I thought I’d take the time to learn more about my mysterious and oh-so-cool readers. And I have a question for you: what do you eat when you play video games?

Do you forgo food in the name of conquering digital universes until you collapse? Do you eat and drink a stereotypical mix of “gamer fuel” and Doritos?  Set the record straight, and I hope, break the stereotypes.

26 Comments

May 4, 2015 · 4:04 pm