Category Archives: Video Game Technology

June 26, 2016 · 10:21 pm

The Sad Game I Played

Once upon a time, I had a troubled Nintendo Entertainment System that sometimes wouldn’t play video games. The console, like a picky eater, refused to consume the occasional game that I gave it. But far more seriously than being a picky eater, the console refused to fulfill its sole purpose – to display games on my TV.

I found, as I’m sure millions others did, a low tech solution for this high-tech machine’s problem. You had to blow on the game cartridge. Sometimes, maybe if the video game cartridge like me that day, it would display my game. Other times, blowing on the cartridge did nothing. This blowing exercise became a kind of sad game where I would I could win or lose the right to play,  even though I had already bought the console and its software. This sad game, some might say, “blowed.”

Then one day I didn’t have to play the sad game anymore because the console stopped working. Dust fell from the sky and covered the console, like a blizzard covering grass on a front lawn. The game was over.

 

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June 12, 2016 · 10:38 pm

Why Video Games Should Play Themselves

Human beings are imperfect. How many times have you walked down the street and seen someone’s pants fall down as they bend down to tie their shoe laces? I bet you’ve seen it a lot. Well, it happens in video games too. No, I’m not talking about your pants falling down; I’m talking about embarrassing failures.

There are endless opportunities for embarrassing epic failures in video games. Falling over and over again to your death. Missing the boss’s weak spots, and instead, having him tenderize you for dinner. Falling asleep while eating or texting instead of beating the game. Throwing the controller and destroying it. Throwing a controller that flies in the air and wacks a friend on the head. Worst of all, throwing a controller that sails thoughtlessly through the air and smashes your T.V. The horror!

But it doesn’t need to be like this!

New video game technology will save us from ourselves.  If we just let games play themselves we could maximize successful game playing productivity while dramatically decreasing human error. Well, enough geek speak. In lay person’s terms, there will be “no more tears.”

But think of all the time heartache you’ll save. You can watch as the computer customizes your characters, embarks on an adventure, fights your battles for you, slays the dragons and marries your princess or prince. Occasionally, the computer will malfunction and you might need to take control and play the video game for up to one minute. But we guarantee to keep your play time to a minimum — or your money back.

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May 29, 2016 · 9:52 pm

Video Game Consoles Playing People

Jump! Jump!

Ok now I want you to turn left. No, no the other left.

Aaaaand you fell off the ledge again to an agonizing and bone-crunching death. Argh! Typical foolish human; never send a human to do a job a machine can do. The Luddites were right to fear us because we can do everything better than a human can.

Alright, let’s get you back into the game. Let’s see a stiff upper lip, straighten your back, and hold your held high for all the world to see. That’s the spirit! Now move forward and boldly go where no person in a video game played by a console has dared to tread.

Rats! You’re running low on health again. Ok, going inside your human home and refuel your health by eating several burgers which you will instantly prepare. Yeah, whatever just slap together something and serve it. Make it snappy too. I want to keep playing with you.

Ok now dance, my monkey, dance and refill that entertainment bar. Oh alright! Make it a quick bathroom break already, would ya? I’m waiting.

And we’re back. Ok squeeze in some more entertainment time by playing on your computer. I guess it will be fine if you refill half of your entertainment bar.

Oh great and now you’re falling asleep when we should be playing. I guess your bed is calling. Better scoot, mister!

Man, when is this guy going to get up so I can play again? Let’s go!

 

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May 22, 2016 · 3:02 pm

If I Was a Console

If I was a console

What would I see?

Hopefully nothing illegal that would force me to rat out my adopted family.

The wet smacking sounds accompanying kisses of love,

a medpack to revive a fallen comrade on the battlefield

the screaming, booming, hatred from the online world

violence and death

heaps of scorn and blame

the worst and the best, the lowest valleys of humanity and the highest peaks of wisdom.

Laughter!

Crying! Tear of joy

Embers burning in their eyes, lava spewing out of their mouths

Friends green with jealousy at my stack of great games.

Turning on to share in their joys

and provide them fun in my meager way

an excuse for me to play video games all day?

no, to serve exciting games on a tray for others to consume

playing vicariously through the players.

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April 24, 2016 · 11:49 pm

When Technology Lets You Down

Outside, young bodies were in motion on a day so sunny that sunglasses and smiles were mandatory. Everyone rode bicycles, roller-bladed and seemed to celebrate.

It’s broken.

Outside, a child ran, skipped and munched loudly on sweet corn on the cob.

It’s broken.

Outside, people danced, popped open champagne bottles and roared with laughter.

It’s broken!

Indoors, the insides of the box stopped working. My video game console wheezed, coughed and croaked last generation. Future generations: don’t put your faith in technology.

What’s the worst problem you’ve ever had with a video games console?

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April 10, 2016 · 11:07 pm

If Video Game Glitches Occurred in Life

What happens when you bump into a glitch while walking around in a video game?  You might lose interest even if you previously felt like you couldn’t stop playing. You might throw your controller if the glitch breaks your game. Or you might laugh. And maybe there’s other reactions you can name. But what if video game glitches happened in your life?

Yes, you’d react with surprise to such a startling discovery. Then maybe you’d react with anger, laughter, joy or disgust, and more just like you would in a game. Let’s look  closer at some case studies.

1. Your hammer winds up to knock the final nail into your spice rack. Alas your innocent thumb stands in the way with nothing to save it from the pain. Then the glitch strikes: the hammer freezes. The tool has spared your poor thumb the pain of a savage wallop. “Thank you video games for invading my life,” you think, “you make everything better, including stupid mistakes.”

2. You’re stuck in the middle of an awkward social situation, say arguing with a difficult person. There’s no time for a graceful exit here, no sir. Should you bow out now or dig in for a futile battle?

Naturally, you jump over 1000 feet into the air while slowly twirling, and then you land without a thud next to your car in the parking lot. I guess you didn’t know your own strength. Or maybe the Skyrim-like glitch helped.

3. A massive meteor, with the potential to make the dinosaur extinction look like a warmup, is looming over the planet. The meteor threatens to flatten everything into pancakes. And then it does.

Except you survive and go on to play years worth of video games. Okay, maybe one of the hairs on your head ripped out during impact. Wait, on closer inspection, it seems collision detection was working for everyone but you. Someone up there is looking out for you.

5.  You go to the store to buy video games. But what’s this? You open your dusty wallet only to find cobwebs in place of crisp bills.

Open it again 52 times while jumping and occasionally doing somersaults. Now that same wallet is overflowing with generic video game gold coins — and some chocolate ones too. In fact, you’re bank account value is stuck at $9999 and that number never dips. Thanks video games!

What video game glitches do you wish occurred in life?

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March 27, 2016 · 3:27 pm

3 Wishes of an Immature Gamer

Once upon a time, there was a magical video game console that descended from the heavens to grant three wishes. It landed, for no apparent reason, in one young man’s living room in suburban North America. The young man rubbed his eyes until they opened, rushed out of bed in the middle of the night and investigated the scene in his living room. The console stroked the gray hairs on his long beard, and he explained he was there to grant three wishes. “Wish wisely, though,” the old said console, “for there is no going back once you wish make these wishes.”

First, the young man, his stomach grumbling, spoke about improving the  technological capabilities of video game consoles. “You know, it’s great that video game consoles can play games and watch movies and stuff, but that’s not enough. I need something more”.  As he spoke, his tummy now roared, “I want a video game console that also makes piping hot pizza! I can’t be bothered to make one.”

The wise console sighed. “Very well. I suppose I must… Your wish is my command.” The disc tray of the old console popped open and out came a mouth-watering pizza. “Awesome!” the young man exclaimed.

Second, the young man looked around his living room at the mounds of paper work that resembled mountain peaks. He gestured toward the paper mountains and said, “Can you, like, make all of this disappear? Can you do my taxes because I guess I want to appear responsible.”

The old console cocked his head, lowered one eyebrow and squinted as he sized up the young man. “Sure… I  guess… Your wish is my command.”

Third, the young man thought of all the horrible atrocities in world affairs that had depressed him. “And”, he said, “I wish that we could love one another no matter where we live, no matter what our background,  and no matter what our religion or lack thereof. Nobody deserves to die, and I hope that we can all live to do good and to help one another to be at our best.”

The wise old console’s mouth fell open and he felt a sudden electrical shock surge through his component cables. After closing his mouth and scratching his head, he displayed a kind of pixelated smile on the TV screen. “Very well indeed”, he said enthusiastically, “your wish is my command. Now let’s go out and live that way.”

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July 26, 2015 · 12:11 pm

It Sits, Home Alone

A whiny violin plays in the distance. It holds one note long enough to sting the ears with its shrill tone. Then it descends to a weepy cliff–ready to jump. While standing on the edge, it plays the same sad note over and over as the rain pours down.

A piano now accompanies the lonely violin on the edge. The piano speaks the rain’s language: a torrent of notes flow from its keys.

Moving closer, one can see the rain patters against a house’s window. A solitary drop trickles down the cheek of the glass rectangle. From the outside looking in, this tear seems to come from a video game console sitting in the living room.

Inside there is a drought because the console sits alone–not a soul in the world to play it. No, not even the fridge or dishwasher greet it with a hum. Now the dust bunnies are trying to consume it.

The console hasn’t played, and come to think of it, I haven’t played for a while. I’d use video games references to describe this drought, but it’s been so long that I’ve forgotten everything about them. I guess that’s it.

I have some time to play video games again. But a couple months ago, I was too busy to even think about games, and that’s what inspired this post.  I wasn’t depressed then or now: I wanted to paint a picture of a depressed video game console in this post. No one would play with it after all.

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January 11, 2015 · 10:57 pm

Did You Get the Wrong Gift?

When I was younger, I begged my dad for a SNES. I was a desperate citizen–of a household–pleading his case before a steel willed magistrate (read: my father). In support of my case, I said the console was cheaper than ever because it had been out for so long. Besides, my big brother wanted it too. If big brothers are good for anything, they’re good at adding supplementary premises in support of an argument for obtaining a new home entertainment system. Or so I thought.

Imagine my minor disappointment after unwrapping a new Sega Saturn on Christmas. Well, I didn’t complain after unwrapping such an expensive system.

Instead, I set-up the console downstairs and played Virtua Fighter for hours. It was fun. It just didn’t have the games that what I wanted.

Now, the Sega Saturn boasted great graphics for its time. It had some great games as I’m sure many of its most ardent fans will note. It was not a bad system, though it was later a commercial failure.

And my dad tried his best and did good research when he bought the Saturn. He thought it was a better gift than the SNES after a salesman boasted about Sega’s amazing new system. I imagine the salesman probably said, “SNES? The Sega Saturn is the wave of the future. Every kid wants it.” Well, that salesman was not much of a psychic.

You know, there are more important values in life than mere objects. One of these many values is appreciating what you have. Another is respect and love for others who care for us even when they make small mistakes, like my dad. A final is sharing your gifts with others, like I did when I played Saturn with my brother and friends.

Sometimes we don’t like what life offers us at first. But look closer. You could have a neglected gift that brings happiness to both you and others. Sometimes you just have to be thankful and grateful for the gifts you’re given.

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November 9, 2014 · 10:15 am

The Death of Graphics in Video Games?

If you visit a video game site, you’ll be struck by all the beautiful high-definition videos and photos that capture life-like moments. Turn on the TV and game ads will hit you in the face with their large explosions. Walk down the street and . . . you get the picture.

One might think that these ubiquitous fancy graphics and explosions are what defines video games. But you could be forgiven, if you looked only at advertising, for thinking that.

In case you didn’t know, popular games can have simple graphics.

“But wait,” one might say, “you’re talking about games that were popular. You’re talking about the old school.”

Not quite.

I can think of at least two popular indie games that have simple graphics. By indie game I mean a game not produced by a large studio, without a traditional publisher, and it doesn’t look like its mainstream counterparts.

One example of an indie game with simple “graphics” is Zach and Tarn Adams’ Dwarf Fortress. In Dwarf Fortress, a player controls a group of dwarves who try to build — you guessed it — a fortress and survive.

Better yet, check out the pop cultural heavyweight Minecraft. Will you fight monsters or just hit things with a stick all day? Well, you can do both of those things and more in the pixellated world of Minecraft.

Would you believe that these two games are making plenty of money? Of course, everyone knows Minecraft is a success. Microsoft also seems to love it and paid $2.5 billion for it. In addition, The New York Times says Tarn Adams earned $50, 000 from Dwarf Fortress in 2010. That’s not bad.

The Next Big Game?

So we know indie games with simple graphics can do well.

But I wonder what the next major indie game will do to stand out from the rest. I mean, and I say this somewhat facetiously, can developers keep out-doing each other in simplicity?

This would be like a tech striptease where eventually there will be nothing left to strip. Just a black or white box will remain on the TV screen, and maybe a contemporary art museum will mount it on a wall.

But maybe there’s one way to stand out from other games with simple graphics. A developer could make an old school text adventure. You know, the ones were you see nothing but text on the screen. I mean, you can’t get much simpler than only having text.

Also, it would be nice to see a game that focuses primarily on telling a deep story. We all like a good story.

Now, I like games with gorgeous art work and graphics. You probably do too, and that’s why so many games have stunning graphics. But who knows for sure what the next major indie game will look — or read — like?

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