Category Archives: Video Game Misc.

The Sad Game I Played

Once upon a time, I had a troubled Nintendo Entertainment System that sometimes wouldn’t play video games. The console, like a picky eater, refused to consume the occasional game that I gave it. But far more seriously than being a picky eater, the console refused to fulfill its sole purpose – to display games on my TV.

I found, as I’m sure millions others did, a low tech solution for this high-tech machine’s problem. You had to blow on the game cartridge. Sometimes, maybe if the video game cartridge like me that day, it would display my game. Other times, blowing on the cartridge did nothing. This blowing exercise became a kind of sad game where I would I could win or lose the right to play,  even though I had already bought the console and its software. This sad game, some might say, “blowed.”

Then one day I didn’t have to play the sad game anymore because the console stopped working. Dust fell from the sky and covered the console, like a blizzard covering grass on a front lawn. The game was over.

 

4 Comments

Filed under Video Game Misc., Video Game Technology

The Case of the Missing Game

The game isn’t in its case!

My blood boiling hot enough to cook pasta. Temples throbbing loud enough to waken ubiquitous video game zombies. The smell of smoke whirls around my nose as my insides burn with rage. And steam… Oh no steam! I’m dying. Oh, wait, it’s just the kettle.

Oh, wait, here’s the game. It was in the wrong case. Someone put the rock ’em sock ’em bloodthirsty robot rampage game in the happy-go-lucky kitten simulator.

Go figure. Life is full of little surprises.


Do you always put games in their proper case, leave them lying around, or do you put them in anything you can find?

6 Comments

Filed under Video Game Misc.

Termination Letter from a Video Game Boss to a Henchman

You’d make an effective doormat.

How can I maximize my coins when you constantly shuffle in late to work and fail to destroy my enemies? I mean, you let the “good guy” and his loser brother stomp on you. Other times, you let them hop over you while you walk away in the opposite direction.

When the good guy jumps over you, you should pursue him to the next level, but you don’t. You just sit there and don’t even warn the other henchmen to attack the incoming enemy. Your communication skills leave much to be desired.

Your coworkers find it hard to both talk and work with you because you have such a bad attitude. We see you have a permanent frown painted on your face and you stick out your fangs all the time like some of kind mean, land lubbing walrus. I expect more from my henchman.

I’ve only kept you at the company this long because I have a serious shortage of skilled labour. The “good guy” has squished too many of my most hard-working and loyal henchmen. How I wish he could have squished you in their place.

I’m sorry, but you can no longer be one of my henchman. Good day!

Sincerely,

Mr. Evil Boss

8 Comments

Filed under Video Game Misc.

5 Things I Wish I had More Time for

1. I wish I had more time to write stories, but I get distracted by the activities mentioned in this post.

2. Video games. Oh, boy, do I ever love them!

3. Writing cool lists and sharing them with others.

4. Blog posts. Sometimes I never finish.

5.

I sat down to finish this post but…. Oh great a packed sink and dishwasher mean there’s no clean dishes left. Bummer! I’d clean them now but I’m so sleepy, could use a nap. Yeah, a nap will help me finish this post but better do dishes first.

Maybe I’ll finish if I pad this post with “blah blah blah”; then I’ll reach the minimum word count, like an elementary school essay. But that won’t work. Argh! Will I ever finish?

 

6 Comments

Filed under Video Game Misc.

Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo Declare Peace

The Great Console War Comes to an End

Extra! Extra! Read all about it! The Big Three sue for peace. And I mean the Big Three because when they sit down to negotiate they take up five couches each.

Yesterday at 12 o’clock noon, the guns stopped firing. All sides shut down their massive propaganda machines. At first, it didn’t seem like the machines would stop, but they soon ran out of grease.

The factory assembly lines fell silent too. Workers put down their scorching torches and went outside to breathe fresh for the first time in years. The workers’ hammers ceased hitting nails while the Big Three hammered out a deal .

The cessation of hostilities and new-found peace could not conceal the ugly hatred in some gamers’ hearts. These gamers, spewing venom at the other side and foaming at the mouth, wanted to finish the fight. Other gamers, their loyalty to console makers stretched to the breaking point, cried with joy: the war was over for them. Life could go on.

A representative for the Big Three said: “We recommend that our millions of fans go back to their lives before the war. Enjoy video games. Enjoy life. Above all, let us learn from the mistakes of the past and build a better world.”

It remains unclear how the Big Three will enforce this peace.

Leave a comment

Filed under Video Game Misc.

Finding Beauty in a Video Game

When I’m stressed out, I take a big breath and exhale. Then I try to take in the beauty of nature–the nature that the city offers—around me. I love to see and hear a breeze brush up against the tree’s leaves in late summer. It’s like mother nature is also exhaling, blowing away her own stress and scattering it into the trees for my amusement. This is a beautiful sight and sound that most people only experience outdoors. But we have a secret.

Our secret is that we play video games, and we might stumble upon breath-taking moments in fictional worlds. One of my favourite things to look at in games is water; I love when game developers make beautiful and realistic water. The shimmering blue ripples and marine life beg for eyes to adore their beauty. Far from being a laughable copy of the real thing, this beauty in the game, regardless of the developer’s intent, reminds me of the beauty of nature. I love a placid lake so much that it makes me happy to see it even in a game.

The beauty of life and the beauty of nature in a video game are, of course, different. But they can both be beautiful, and I can appreciate them both.


When have you experienced nature’s beauty in a video game, if at all? How did it make you feel?

14 Comments

September 17, 2015 · 11:27 pm

I Can’t Quit You, Game

I glued myself to the couch from the moment the images flickered on screen.

Outside night was starting to cover everything across the land. Inside, I felt like someone had locked me in a reinforced concrete bunker with a dying light petering through a crack in the wall. Note: that’s a fun reinforced concrete bunker. Or maybe some accident left me stuck in an elevator with no means of escape. Hmmm wait, no, it couldn’t be that one. That’s no fun.

The fun started after I picked up the controller. When I started playing, the clock “ding donged” three times. Then time flew by so fast that the hands fell off the clock and landed, as I later discovered, on the floor.

Suddenly, the rooster crowed and the light from outside blinded me.  One minute I picked up the controller at night and the next minute the sun pushed through the crack to light up everything around me. The shower and food that I needed yesterday had faded away from my memory. “How could that have happened?” I asked myself.

I guess it was because I wanted more, more of the same. Sure, it sounds like an awfully long time, but awful had nothing to do with it. For I was playing a video game.

6 Comments

Filed under Video Game Misc.

Play Video Games Like a Boss!

This post is not what it seems; titles can be deceiving.

I don’t mean how to play like your boss, who I’m sure is a fine human being by the way. And I don’t mean how to play video games like a boss (read: total badass or cool person or whatever people mean by “boss”). No, I mean how to play video games like a decent video game final boss, which is a lot harder to imagine.

So, please, allow me to explain how that might work. And while you read, you should imagine yourself as a Bowser, Ganondorf, etc., who is playing a video game. Oh, and by decent final boss I mean a challenging enemy character who you fight at the end of the game.

1. Save yourself until the end

Don’t break a sweat. Let the protagonist rush through levels, while nearly suffering a stroke, to save the princess. Instead of attacking him or her, you should take a little “me time.” You know: read, work out, eat a smoked meat sandwich, work on your tan, talk to your money manager about your portfolio. Anything but thinking about or attacking the protagonist. That’s your evil minions’ job for now. Then — maybe — draw up a plan for the final battle.

2. Show some self-respect

Take care of yourself because no one else will. You think those lowly minions you hired, with their scratchy claws, care about you? Pft! Nah. They’re walking right up to that protagonist and practically begging for her to stomp on them.

And for goodness’ sake, cover up your weak spot! It means you might last longer in the final battle. Plus no one wants to see your junk waggling all over their TV screen.

3. Bust many moves

If your enemy memorizes the timing of your one devastating attack, you will never win. Sheesh! I thought you would have learned that after you died so many times.

Don’t just have one devastating attack: learn one hundred or more. You must learn new moves to keep your enemy guessing. I suggest enrolling in an online continuing education program and getting a certificate in conflict — without all that peace junk — studies.

4. Throw mud in their eye

I hope you slept through your ethics class. Do anything you have to — I don’t care what — to beat the protagonist. Your best hope is that the player will rage quit instead of beating you. Then, if you’re lucky, that player might pass the game on to a friend to renew the cycle of rage quitting and frustration. Ah good times.

5.  Prepare to cry… and die

You can’t always win. But if you’re interested in cheating, you should contact me for video game boss consulting. Just call me Astro Adam — consultant to some of the world’s worst final video game bosses. If you find yourself in a particularly sticky situation, you should ask about my emergency advice hotline.


If you were a video game final boss, how would you play video games?

6 Comments

Filed under Video Game Misc.

My Friend is a Box

I pressed the button.

You came to life…

or you woke up from a deep sleep…

or a thawing-out from a summer hibernation caused by a lack of play.

Remember how there was nothing for you to do but sleep during those summer doldrums? But now…

Hot air and electricity flow through your veins (read: circuits).

A whirring noise, some clattering and stuttering meant you were getting to work.

It also meant a dust, built up for months while you sat there untouched, filled the room and clogged my nose and eyes.

The dust storm was a small price to pay: an image flickered on screen.

Time was dead.

We must have played for hours and hours without end before we both went to sleep.

Then I said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

And all is well, all is right with the world now that I’ve had time to play.

I’m ready to be who I am, and I am at my best.

Leave a comment

Filed under Video Game Misc.

Love is Like Playing Video Games

Is love like playing video games? What an absurd question you might say, and you’re probably right. But one day I jotted down some cutesy similarities between loving someone and playing video games. These similarities include faithfulness (not cheating), joy, and spending time with others. Let me tell you more.

First, what is love? Love, the type I will discuss here, is a joyous state, an all-encompassing desire to care for another, to help them be at their best, and to make sacrifices to love them. And video games are something like interactive entertainment played alone or with others. Sometimes they encourage one to overcome challenges, win the game and experience joy. So, playing video games and loving others are quite different, and it’s not clear what they have in common.

Let us start with cheating. Cheating is wrong. It’s wrong, most would say, to cheat on a partner when you’re in a loving relationship. It would likely hurt that person’s feelings and generally make you a jerk. Yet some people still do it. Nice job by the way.

By contrast, cheating in video games doesn’t always hurt others. If you play alone and enable cheat codes, you’re not exactly hurting anyone, though you may “cheat yourself” or miss an exciting challenge. But there is an exception: it would ruin a person’s good time if you cheat in a competitive multiplayer match. In addition, when you cheat on your loving partner or in a video game, you might experience some awful guilt.

When you finish a challenging video game without cheating, you might feel joy–an overwhelming sense that lasts much longer than mere fun or pleasure. You’ve accomplished something that took effort and could leave you with good memories. Similarly, when you love someone, you can feel joyous, and you want to tell everyone about it. In both video games and in life, these joyous moments are probably preceded by ups and downs, mistakes and progress.

For some, sharing ups and downs with another person is a beloved part of loving others. You might want someone to come home to after a tough day at the office. And you might want to take photographs of your young family when you bring your baby home for the first time. You might also sacrifice your spare time to help a stranger shivering in the cold on an icy day.

Video games can also be great way to spend time with others. That might mean playing split screen Mario Kart with friends on the couch, or blowing up your strangers online, or helping another person to beat a game. You could help by writing a guide for them or showing them how to beat part of a game. So, spending time with others, and even helping them, is part of love and playing video games. Of course, not everyone will want to partner up in life or when playing video games.

You might want to play a video game by yourself, without any contact with others. You might choose to live your life as a single person. And, of course, you can still experience joy and have loving relationships if you play a game alone or live your life alone.

In sum, we can find some simple similarities between love and playing video games, including not cheating, joy and spending quality time with others. Maybe I see these similarities because I love video games so much and that colours all of my thinking.  But I know that playing video games, for obvious reasons, is still mostly different from loving others; this is not an earth-shattering conclusion.

I suggest that playing video games is one way to share joy and love others. It could also be a great way to show your love of life–your desire to celebrate all that life has to offer–even if you play alone. And loving others, by itself, is a beautiful thing; go out and do it. Then, maybe, come back home and play.

3 Comments

Filed under Video Game Misc.