Category Archives: Video Game Misc.

November 17, 2013 · 5:51 pm

Goldilocks & the Three Games

What does Goldilocks have to do with video games? Well, she knew things had to be “just right.” She could probably help us find the right video game difficulty.

Some games are too hard. You know the signs. You ripped out clumps of your golden locks and smashed your controller against a wall. I’m talking about unfair cheap shots, like a never-ending torrent of grenades in a shooter. The enemy pelts you with potato mashers before you can take two steps forward. That’s unfair because you can’t win at all.

Too hard is different from challenging: a challenging game tests your skills in a fair way. That means you die because you made a mistake, and to improve, you need a better strategy. So instead of walking into the wave of grenades, walk around them. There’s nothing wrong with a fair challenge that requires some skill to solve.

However, an unfair and difficult game is like a red hot bowl of porridge. It seems like fun at first, but it leaves you burning with anger as you consume more of it. There might also be some steam involved. Though, in the case of the game, it will probably come out of your ears.

So we don’t want to be angry. Let’s see what else is on the table.

Ah, yes, this game looks nice and easy. But your average seasoned gamer might fall asleep behind the controller when they play an easy game. They’re hard-boiled and have been around the block. They find themselves reaching level five hundred in the first hour only to snore as loud as a leaf blower. The same game might be so easy that it even offends newbies who want some challenge.

The easy game is like the frosty bowl of porridge: it’s dull and lacks any flavour. We need to look again.

Ah, we’ve found the right game. This game achieves the golden mean: it’s a balance between too hard and too easy. It’s just right. It teaches you how to play, without being too easy, and it’s challenging but fair.

I’m also happy when a game has several difficulty modes. An easy mode can help new gamers. Then more people discover the art and joy of video games for the first time. For example, adults who want to learn video games might want to jump into the shallow end with wings. In addition, hard modes allow everyone to boast about their impossible victory. And the “normal” setting strikes that just right balance.

Looks like the bears caught me playing their video games. Time to run!

Meanwhile, in the Middle of Nowhere…

You board your boat and set sail for a lush tropical oasis. The tiny red schooner bobs back and forth in the choppy seas, and waves splash against the deck. You know things aren’t going well when you can taste the warm salt water in your mouth.

Bang! You should have seen it coming.

You hit a huge rock near an insular coast, and you’re forced to abandon ship. Looks like you’ll have to swim and slosh your way through to the island.

Once you get there, soaking wet and coughing up enough sand to fill a beach, you stumble upon a hut. It seems like a sturdy hut, but it could use some work. For example, when you walk on the wood floor, it groans as if it wants to give up and collapse beneath you.

You sit at a desk and realize something: you are all alone and no one knows where you are. You calculate it will take a week before loved ones catch on to your whereabouts and send help.

In the meantime, you have to do to something to keep sane. The island has plenty of food, and an inexhaustible supply of necessities. But you won’t find people, an internet connection and – it seems – there’s no entertainment.

What will you do until help arrives?

Lo and behold! You look straight ahead and magic seems to solve your problems. A huge top of the line gaming PC stares you in the face.

Then you reach into your pocket and find another surprise: you have three great games! You brought them along in case the boat ride became boring.

If that was me on the island…

Let me tell you the three games I would choose. Each one will make time fly faster than a supersonic jet.

1. XCOM

This game is perfect for those rainy days on the island. XCOM is a great turn based game that can keep you busy. You can plan both your base and your troops on the field to kill time. Even better, gun blasts and explosions will keep you awake when you start to doze off and drool on the desk.

2. Civilization series

It makes sense that you’d yearn for some civilization. After all, you are alone on an island somewhere in the middle of the ocean.

This is another immersive turn based strategy game that will have you saying “One more turn!” You’ll find plenty of reasons to kill time with this one: beating the highest difficulties, beating the game with every civilization, and getting every kind of victory. You might turn away your rescuers after you start to play this game. They might have to pry your cold, obsessed fingers off the keyboard just to take you to safety.

3. Tetris

I mean the old school version of Tetris with the bleeps and bloops soundtrack. With Tetris, come to the think of it, I might not even need the other games. The reason is very simple: this game never gets old for me.

Now where’s my island drink?

***

What three games would you bring to a desert island?

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Filed under Video Game Misc.

Tagged as desert island, story, strategy games, video games

September 15, 2013 · 9:07 pm

The Undead Speak

Welcome to a new series of posts. Inspired by Wreck-It-Ralph, I travel into video game worlds to interview their denizens.

For today’s interview, I travelled deep underground until I smelled a foul stench. It was zombies. A huge horde of them with their putrefied flesh stood before me. Pretending to be half dead – which isn’t all that difficult for me to do on a weekday morning – I slunk through the hoard. I searched for some intelligent companionship in the crowd.

A tame half zombie, apparently not yet turned, approached me. He explained he could speak, reason, laugh and love because he still had a large part of his brain. He was only bitten last week. And now he was my test subject – er – I mean interviewee.

***

Q: Do you like to live as a zombie?

I was human until last week when one of the undead bit me. I have to say that it has been a dramatic change. In fact, it stinks. It stinks worse than my rotten flesh.

You get up in the morning, take the subway to work and, unless there is a system crash, you charge the protagonist. Then you die and do it over again until you want to rip off your own arms. Oh, wait…

My life is not all bad though. Sometimes the protagonist makes stupid mistakes, and my friends and I gorge on his brains. The protagonist’s AI partner is particularly stupid, and we enjoy munching on his brains too. Sometimes you’ll see the partner charge right into us or run around in circles because of a glitch. What a rube!

(His green face lights up a little. He smiles and some black pearls fall out of his mouth)

But this terrible hunger never abates. Speaking of which, didn’t you say you had some lovely brains for me?

Q: Uh, no… anyway, let’s change subjects. Do you ever get lonely?

Yes, it can be tough out here for a zombie. We have to hustle everyday for the brains to survive. But most of my friends are boring.

The zombie horde is only made up of 4 or 5 identical zombies. That’s because the game I live in only has that many zombie skins. The game studio was too lazy to add more. So we all think alike and look alike. It gets old down here fast.

Q: You sound a bit depressed. Why do you bother to rise from your grave in the morning?

To be honest, I like to indulge in the arts, culture and gourmet foods. I like to stay fit and healthy to keep up my natural green glow.

If it wasn’t for these finer things, I would have no reason to stay undead. I would delete my code from the game.

Also, I really like brains!

Q: I see. Do you do anything else besides eating brains and playing in video games?

Well, my agent and I have big plans after this video game season. We’re making moves into movies. That’s where the money is. And that’s where you get respect and fame.

Take a look at zombies in movies and what do you see? They only work a couple of hours a day, they have palatial estates and fast cars. Yes, my next stop is Hollywood. Nothing can stop me.

But before I do that… I want brains, brains, brains!

***

Interviewers note:

At this point, the zombie started to rub his belly and point to a large bubbling cauldron. He approached me and tapped my head with his index finger. After these actions, I ran as fast I could and the interview concluded.

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Tagged as humor, silly, video games, zombies

September 1, 2013 · 3:35 pm

You and Ralph Have Something in Common

Wreck-It Ralph has smashed his way into my heart. I think both non gamers and gamers should watch it. They might find different things to love about this movie. But I think both groups can understand Ralph’s quest to live an authentic life and feel loved.

The movie makes video games fun for non gamers of all ages. Kids who have not played a video game might love the colorful setting and cartoon-like characters. Meanwhile, adults might like that they can watch the movie with their kids. Some of these adults might even explore video games as a new hobby.

At the same time, seasoned gamers will love all the video game references. They’ll see tons of references to games like Call of Duty, Mario Kart, Donkey Kong and more. And classic characters from these games pop up too. In one scene, you’ll see a veritable pantheon of big, bad bosses, like Bowser and Dr. Robotnik, on the screen. If that wasn’t enough, old school gamers might enjoy the movie’s arcade setting and Q-Bert cameo. This movie could be a love letter to gamers.

So gamers and non gamers might like this movie for all kinds of different reasons. Is there anything about it that both of these groups could like?

I think Ralph’s story has timeless themes that can appeal to both groups. I’m talking about making friends and the struggle to be authentic when it seems like you don’t fit in. Many people can relate to these themes and may have experienced them.

So I recommend Wreck-It Ralph. Then, if you haven’t already, go give video games a chance. You might find they have some themes that resonate with you too.

When I’m Old and Grey

Neon lights blind passers-by as they shine through the window on the house’s second floor.

Move inside and noise blasts hard enough to deafen anyone. The sounds of explosions almost knocks down pedestrians outside. A voice cuts through the noise, “How was that a critical hit?”

In the kitchen, two children sit while a young woman cooks dinner. Garlic and onions hit the pan, sizzle, jump and try to escape, but they settle down and release their special perfume. If the house had taste buds, its mouth would water.

The children ask, almost in unison, “Mom, what are all those lights and sounds upstairs?”

“Grandpa’s playing.” She rolled her eyes up and screwed up her lips as if some thought was developing in her mind. “Uh, I think they’re called video games and he’s playing them on a TV.”

“What are video games?” asked the little girl as she titled her head.

“What’s a TV?” asked the little boy with a squeaky voice.

“Oh, they’re old things people used to do for fun about 50 years ago.”

The children’s eyes grew wide and their mouths were agape – almost long enough for flies to buzz in – at this news.

“Wow! Did you say 50 years? That’s like a thousand years ago.”

The mother saw their earnest faces and smiled.

“Uh huh and he still plays them today,” the mother continued. “You know, you should run upstairs and let him show you.”

Their eyes sparkled like diamonds. The news excited them as if they had received both their Christmas and birthday gifts at once.

The children took off for upstairs. Their mother only saw a cloud of dust where they once sat. Now their feet made the second loudest sound in the house.

“Grandpa, Grandpa,” they yelled, “show us TV and video games.” Then they scurried into a room full of light and good cheer.

Video Game Weapons Could Save The World

It seems like every game has guns these days, but most of these weapons are not memorable. However, the two games below have cool weapons that could also help our world.

(1) Ratchet and Clank: A Crack In Time

The Ratchet and Clank series is famous for its weapons, and one of my favourites is the Groovitron Glove. It launches shiny disco balls and plays music that causes any enemy to dance. For a moment, you are at disco club full of bad guys. Feel free to laugh at the giant mech’s lame dance moves. It can’t hurt you when it feels the rhythm deeps in its cold circuits.

So the glove sounds great in a video game. I mean, it can stop bad guys and entertain you. But you might have overlooked its practical use in life.

This glove is one of those rare video game weapons that could help people. I’m not much of a dancer and feel self-conscious about my “moves.” But pull out the Groovitron at a wedding and – bam ! – I could become the life of the party.

Better yet, the Groovitron could bring us word peace. If you dance non-stop, you won’t have time to start or continue a war. Imagine a peace conference where everyone danced their way to a mutual understanding.

Now we must buy a large supply of disco balls in the name of world peace. It’s all on us, people! Do you want to explain to the next generation that you were too cheap to prevent war?

I think Insomniac, the developer of A Crack in Time, made this glove to promote peace and have a laugh. The Groovitron is their plan to solve the world’s problems.

At the very least, they seem proud of all their weapons. They took the time to make humorous, cartoon movies to introduce the armaments. I love these movies and appreciate when developers add details like this to a game. The details often set games apart, keeping them in your memory long after you beat them.

(2) BioShock

Plasmids are serums that give gamers magic powers in this game. Plasmids include, but are not limited to, telekinesis, an electric bolt attack, and an “insect swarm” power that shoots bees out of your hands. I guess the bees are useful when you want to sting and irritate the skin of your enemies.

But the “insect swarm” plasmid might help the world’s bees. It seems colony collapse disorder kills honey bees all around the world. Do not fret. If we need healthy bees for agriculture, we could always use the plasmid to spawn them on demand.

I suggest you play BioShock and do some research on bees. While you play, I recommend you watch the humorous cartoon movies that introduce each weapon with a touch of class.

***

I love the creative weapons in A Crack in Time and BioShock. But you don’t need to play these games to appreciate the Groovitron or insect swarm. You should know that these weapons/ powers could solve world peace and bee deaths.

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Tagged as entertainment, facetious, humour, video games

July 21, 2013 · 7:58 pm

Why I Want to Live in a Video Game World

Let us say you could live in any video game world you wanted. Would you do it? Count me in.

A video game could offer a great escape – see what I did there? – from the doldrums of life. Life is something like equal parts work and play, or contemplation and action. But a game would rearrange this balance. Life is play inside a video game.

The concerns of everyday life would not apply inside a game. Death does not exist because I would always re-spawn. I wouldn’t have to plan my finances because all my digital coins would fit inside my pocket. Also, unless it was a boring game, it wouldn’t force me to mop my apartment floors, scrub dishes or do chores. Instead, I would have plenty of free time to explore an open world game.

The game world would give me all sorts of powers to play with. I’d do things like climb a mountain peak, jump over a skyscraper, heal myself and solve physics based puzzles with ease. Sleep would not exist, and I could run on forever like a sentence without a stop.

But life inside the game is not only about me. A beautiful princess lies in wait, in that world, for someone to rescue her. Now, this blog post is unconventional, so let us take it a step further and pretend that she would save me. I would still meet a beautiful woman no matter who saved the day, which is fine by me.

If I never crossed paths with the princess, I could still talk to other video game characters. The seedy bars from large open world games are great places to meet people. I could talk to the code too; we could chew over performance problems and the game would run better because of me. That lifestyle doesn’t sound lonely at all.

Wait! I can’t keep up this happiness charade. I could not survive a day in there without family, friends and WordPress.com. So would some of you join me?

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Tagged as utopia, video games

July 7, 2013 · 2:45 pm

Hard Times in a Digital World

Watch out! Steam’s about to shoot out of this red hot ear.

When the going gets tough, they say, the tough get going. What does a gamer do when a digital world gets tough?

Well, many gamers take themselves and games too seriously. They might even throw and smash their controllers or mouse against a wall. They lose control and forget it is only a game.

I am much more mature on these matters. I usually have reasonable reactions to tough video games. Here are five of my reactions to these games:

1. Smash a controller

Wait a minute! I have never done this before. I find it’s easier to beat the tough parts with a controller in hand. This strategy, I assure, works.

2. Stubbornness

I’ll charge head first in to a problem without much thought. Sometimes I find brute force reigns supreme while strategy and skill get in my way. I won’t stop my charge until it works. Dammit, I’m telling you it will work!

Let’s say I’m trying to get a cupcake behind an electric fence. Rather than eschew the fence, I would probably keep trying to walk through it to get the cupcake. There is a gamble here: either the fence zaps your avatar, or your avatar walks away with frizzy hair and a sweet treat. I like those odds.

3. Trial and error

This is the classic way – well for me anyway – to solve a problem. How do you do it in video games? Re-spawn and learn from mistakes, and I make plenty of mistakes in games.

Here’s an example of me doing something stupid in a game:

“Gee, these bottles with skulls and bubbling purple goo sure look strange, but they could also help me. There’s only one way to find out: better try them.”

Thankfully, trial and error is sometimes a good strategy in video games. See, video game characters are a lot like cats: they both can have nine lives. No more tears when your character dies.

4. Give in to the guide

We’ve all done it. You know you have. You’ve looked online to figure out how to get past a tricky part of a game.

Living life on the guide is a last resort for me, though. I feel satisfied when I beat a tough game by myself; it’s a sense of accomplishment. I don’t need handouts.

5. A well thought out strategy

Start with one scoop of perseverance. Add a pinch of strategy. Don’t forget heaping helpings of practice and skill. If you whisk all of these ingredients together, you might end up with smooth success. It tastes like… victory.

What do you do when video games get tough?

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Tagged as cheating, play, problem solving, video games

June 23, 2013 · 2:43 pm

The Smart Way to Work?

Your Couch and a Controller

You play video games to have fun. But why do you put up with work in video games?

By work, I mean actions you do for a living or as household chores. By contrast, hobbies are something you do after work for fun. For most people, they may race or play sports as a hobby.

Lots of games let you race, shoot, fly and jump, but Animal Crossing somewhat blurs the line between hobbies and work. I mean you could work as landscaper by day. Then you could come home and relax as you pull weeds and plant flowers in that game.

I mean, one can pull weeds and plant flowers in life for relaxation. Or they could try one of the many other video games out there.

My friend got me thinking about Animal Crossing, so blame him. The other day he told me about his GameCube. Yes, he is a little behind the times. Anyway, he praised Animal Crossing and loved to plant and fish in that game.

I had to interrupt him.

“What’s so fun about that game?”

He paused, furrowed his brow, and gave me a quizzical stare.

Then he said, “You mean about doing work in video games? I don’t know why, but I love to fish and do errands in Animal Crossing.”

I’m still not satisfied with his answer.

Video Game Work: Three Silly Theories

So, I’ve come up with some silly reasons why gamers might like to do work in video games.

1. Work is always fun in a fantasy world. Just think of what you do in Animal Crossing. “Sure, Mr. anthropomorphic Cat with a corncob pipe, I’ll help take out your trash.”

2. People are so bored out of their minds that they’ll play anything. Hopscotch and solitaire aren’t cutting it anymore.

3. People like to run errands from their couch. I suppose a comfy couch with enough pillows to break an elephant’s fall is hard to resist.

A Revolution or Never-ending Work?

There is a spectre haunting all video games: it is work. Gamers of the world must decide tonight. We must lop off the head of work with an iron sickle or revel in digital chores.

Oh, wait, my virtual sink’s full, and I like my dishes sparkling clean. See you later.

Category Archives: Video Game Misc.

Goldilocks & the Three Games