February 15, 2015 · 4:04 pm

Run! Frankengame is Coming

Once upon a time, a doctor toiled away on a secret experiment in his lab. It was midnight.

Outside, the town clock struck twelve and seemed to echo even into the depths of the bunker-like lab. Lightning ripped through the sky and cracked trees in half.

But the good doctor didn’t seem to notice. He hadn’t spent all that time knee dump in garbage at the dump for nothing.

His garbage dump finds–which smelled like rotten fish–included thousands of games that littered the lab. His humpbacked and bucktoothed old assistant, Igor, had scattered old school consoles of every kind on the floor. It was a wonder anyone could work in that space.

The doctor fused parts together with crazy glue. He was going to use his creation to help mankind. Or at least that’s how he rationalized the work.

“This is good, goooood. Soon I will unleash my creature upon the world, and it will never be the same. I’m going to change the world forever. Muhahahahah!”

He rubbed his long and stained hands together with so much excitement that they almost caught fire. Then he unleashed a terrible cackle that would have sent chills up the spine of any human being.

The mad doctor leaned forward and flipped a red candy-like button with both hands, breaking a sweat.

The electricity caused the doctor’s hair to frizz, burn and smoke. He stared intensely as his creature began to rise from the table.

“It’s alive!” He screamed louder than a banshee.

The creature possessed a strange mix of abilities.

  • Electricity surged through it’s body like Pikachu. Nothing could touch it without getting fried.
  • It drove around in Bowser’s kart and shot out red shells.
  • Pedestrians walk but the creature flew around on Ratchet’s hover boots.
  • It wore a fine, hand tailored Italian suit–with the Nanotech upgrade from Crysis.
  • It had the sneaky skills of Sly Cooper.
  • It had a carboard box to hide in when enemies were around the corner.
  • It had the luck of Master Chief, as well as Cortana for a guide.
  • It could copy the super powers of others just like Kirby.
  • Like Nathan Drake, it could sniff out treasure in every nook. I mean, the creature has to support itself somehow, right?
  • The rapping skills of Parappa the Rapper, just in case it ever got into a wild rap battle.

The good/mad doctor leaned in close, his eyes sparkling like diamonds as the creature moved its mouth. It started to form a word. It said…

To be continued…

What would your Frankengame character look like? What strange mix of powers would it have?

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February 8, 2015 · 11:59 am

“Only Children Play Video Games”

Rise and shine from nap time so we can dissect this silly quote.

Believe it or not, some people agree with this quote. I’ve met one person who once uttered a similar sentiment. Their words suggest that adults who play games have some growing up to do.

Why would anyone agree with this quote? Perhaps parents assume that only children played games because that is what they have witnessed. Maybe parents have heard the chatter on Xbox Live and assumed teenagers dominated it.

These parents are partly correct: developers create some games for children. That is obvious to anyone who reads an ESRB rating that says “Early Childhood,” or “Everyone”. Parents could also point to some gamers’ childlike behaviour to support the quote in this post’s title.

To some extent, immature gamers can blame themselves; they give credence to this quote. These are your stereotypical Xbox live denizens who shout slurs online. While the Xbox Live stereotype is not a fair assessment of all gamers, it’s true that young people sometimes say stupid things online.

Some gamers make things worse when they insult their own hobby. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard someone say that colorful platformers are for children. This comment manages to both insult gamers who like platformers and testifies to the speaker’s immaturity because it uses childish reasoning. Why couldn’t an adult play a colorful platformer, and what is it about the genre that makes it inherently childish? It’s unclear. But to the uninitiated observer who hears such comments, gamers may seem young or childish.

I now have to point out some obvious facts. Bear with me because there will be some who are still in doubt. Yes, the average game player is 31 years old. So the quote that began this article is wrong, even if some adult gamers have immature personalities. Here is another fact: the ratings on game boxes also tells us that they are–sometimes–for adults.

Video games have mature themes, and that is one reason adults might play them. Now mature themes could have two meanings. It might signify blood spatters and loose virtual characters or other themes that some children might not understand. Those themes might, for example, include sacrifice, honor and death. An adult with an education and life experience might be able to appreciate and interpret these themes while they play.

Adults can play any game that they want and that includes children’s games. What harm could come if an adult plays “Early childhood” games with their kids? Or what happens if a an adult plays a game rated for “Everyone?” These are silly questions because there is noting wrong here. These questions, and the fact that the average gamer is an adult, reveal the silliness of the quote in this post’s title.

Perhaps the worst aspect of this quote is that it overlooks how video games have a positive impact on people of all ages. Games help business people melt stress away like an ice cube on a warm summer’s day. Educators can also use games to teach concepts to children. Games might even help some women improve their spatial reasoning skills.

In sum, the quote in this post’s article is false and silly. The average gamer is 30 years old, adults can appreciate “mature themes,” and video games can benefit people of all ages. Commit this quote to the fire for it does not deserve our attention any longer.

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February 1, 2015 · 1:27 pm

“What Should I Blog About?”

Blog about one of your minor interests.

A minor interest is something that you don’t know much about, and it takes up little of your free time. For example, video games were once a small part of my life, and then I made a blog about them.

You too could blog about a minor interest and have an advantage: it already engages you. Of course, you might not love the topic but you still have an interest to inspire your writing. Start to write, dig deeper and appreciate the topic in all its complexity.

You could learn new things about this minor interest as you research and write posts. You could synthesize different perspectives to a form a new and interesting angle on the topic. You could approach the topic with an outsider’s insight and have a unique blog, if you do a little research.

As part of your research, you could read others’ WordPress blogs. Read their posts, leave comments and you will meet new people online with different perspectives. Even if you don’t like to write, surely you’re refined enough to read and act amiably. You are, after all, reading this post. Thanks for that by the way.

When you encounter new people, your old views might melt away like a snowman on a high UV day. Strangers might shake your beliefs and challenge you to consider new ideas. Reading and writing a video game blog, for example, might challenge any stereotypes of gamers that you have. So you might grow as a person as you blog about a minor interest.

Why not blog only about your passion? After all, two blogs could overwhelm a person. Well, I think practicing time management will make you a better writer. If you have two blogs, you will have to write and edit to meet strict deadlines. In addition, your minor interest could attract visitors to your main blog.

The easy – almost facile – answer is to write about what you love. I suggest that you  blog about one of your minor interests. You could learn new things, talk to people with different personalities and see things from a different perspective. You could even blog about your passion and squeeze in your minor topic on the side. All you need is the will to start.

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January 25, 2015 · 12:30 pm

I am not Going to Talk about Video Games

People might say I talk on and on about video games until I fall down and fall asleep.

They might be right and this time I’m gonna change.

I’m not going to mention those words once…starting now.

But–gosh–you know I tend to babble on like a brook.

There’s no room for others’ small thoughts

sometimes I even interrupt myself during a…Wait! What’s that sound?

Oh, just a bird

Because my voice drones on about leveling up as if nothing happened.

People hear all about what it’s like

to stay up until the birds start chirping

while I save the universe with a controller in my hand and my eyes magnetized toward a screen.

They don’t want that.

They don’t want me to talk about extra lives or one ups.

Forget game over screen and difficultly settings.

“They are too violent and bloody”

“They warp your mind.”

Others don’t want to hear about speed runs or how you charged through a hail of bullets without a scratch or splinter.

Zombies and shovels are in, right?

Oh, can’t mention them, sorry.

New consoles and specs that make grains of sand visible

You better believe that’s unmentionable

Oh well, at least they let me play, even if I can talk about it.

There! I did it. I didn’t babble on endlessly, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t mention video games, right?

This silly post started with a simple idea: I would promise not to talk about something and then spend the entire post discussing it—in a roundabout way.

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January 18, 2015 · 3:18 pm

Why I Love Video Game Podcasts

I live alone.

Wow that might be the loneliest sentence I’ve ever written. I mean, look at it; it’s just sitting there without anything to keep it company.

Anyway, I discovered video game podcasts vaporize loneliness when I’m cleaning the washroom, washing pots, and waiting for dinner to cook. These podcasts do it all. They’re heavy lifters.

Sometimes they make me laugh. Sometimes I learn a random fact about the world. And sometimes they tell me about, believe it or not, video games. Here are three video game podcasts that keep me happy after a day of the doldrums.

1. Giant Bombcast

I started listening to these guys during their 2011 E3 coverage. Oh, boy, did they ever have excellent coverage. Well, their coverage suited my needs at that time. See, I was writing a major essay in university and had papers flying everywhere. Their E3 podcasts, which were over 3 hours long, helped me to laugh and kept me entertained while I worked. It was perfect in the background.

I fell in love with the show because they would talk about great games across all consoles and the PC. Then I could learn more about the games while watching a Quick Look video.

The cast has changed over the years–RIP Ryan–but they work well together. What makes me say that? Well, I can listen to their three-hour podcasts, and my ears are still hungry for more.
Oh, and I love when they share weird listener emails!

2. Podcast Beyond

Greg Miller, Colin Moriarty and an ever rotating series of guests host IGN’s Podcast Beyond, an ode to everything PlayStation. Wait! It’s a bit complicated. See, Greg and Colin left IGN to work on their own project, but they still do this podcast. I’m hoping they still do it for a long time.

I like this podcast because of the hosts’ personalities. Colin and I share a love of history, he reminds me of several people I know, and he gets along with well Greg. And Greg Miller makes this podcast something special. His intense enthusiasm for PlayStation is legendary, and his sense of humor makes the podcast unique.

The podcast is so good that I even listened to it before owning a PlayStation 3. Beyond!

3. The Game Informer Show

For me,  the Game Informer Show, compared to the other podcasts, is a lot more sober and serious. They don’t usually make me laugh at all. They don’t usually have weird but funny listener emails. And they don’t have strange outbursts and a stand out sense of humor.

But I love when they do special edition podcasts. In these episodes, they usually interview a developer about their upcoming game. And Game Informer staff will share the listeners’ questions with the developer. It’s always great to hear secrets about a game maker’s upcoming project. A very exciting episode type guaranteed to raise your excitement for a game. It’s a pleasure to listen to this podcast.

What are some of your favourite video game podcasts? I admit it: I don’t know them all, but I keep an open mind. Also, what are some of your favourite video game podcasts on WordPress.com? Feel free to plug your own show!

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January 11, 2015 · 10:57 pm

Did You Get the Wrong Gift?

When I was younger, I begged my dad for a SNES. I was a desperate citizen–of a household–pleading his case before a steel willed magistrate (read: my father). In support of my case, I said the console was cheaper than ever because it had been out for so long. Besides, my big brother wanted it too. If big brothers are good for anything, they’re good at adding supplementary premises in support of an argument for obtaining a new home entertainment system. Or so I thought.

Imagine my minor disappointment after unwrapping a new Sega Saturn on Christmas. Well, I didn’t complain after unwrapping such an expensive system.

Instead, I set-up the console downstairs and played Virtua Fighter for hours. It was fun. It just didn’t have the games that what I wanted.

Now, the Sega Saturn boasted great graphics for its time. It had some great games as I’m sure many of its most ardent fans will note. It was not a bad system, though it was later a commercial failure.

And my dad tried his best and did good research when he bought the Saturn. He thought it was a better gift than the SNES after a salesman boasted about Sega’s amazing new system. I imagine the salesman probably said, “SNES? The Sega Saturn is the wave of the future. Every kid wants it.” Well, that salesman was not much of a psychic.

You know, there are more important values in life than mere objects. One of these many values is appreciating what you have. Another is respect and love for others who care for us even when they make small mistakes, like my dad. A final is sharing your gifts with others, like I did when I played Saturn with my brother and friends.

Sometimes we don’t like what life offers us at first. But look closer. You could have a neglected gift that brings happiness to both you and others. Sometimes you just have to be thankful and grateful for the gifts you’re given.

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January 4, 2015 · 9:11 pm

Why I Love No Man’s Sky

For all I know it may not exist. I’ve never seen it, except only on someone else’s screen on the internet. It has no smell and It’s tasteless. Well, the developers seem to have good taste, but you can’t eat the game. Well, I guess you could bite a disc, assuming it’s not a digital download, but then you’d probably have some problems.

Argh! Remind me not to start a post with radical doubt. See what happens? Okay so I won’t doubt that the game exists.

So let’s talk about this game that (a) likely will excite me beyond belief, (b) definitely exists and (c) hopefully comes out on time.

Did you know No Man’s Sky is a procedurally generated game? Now, I learned what that means, but I can’t explain it as well as the developer. I also don’t care too much about how “procedurally generated” works.

After seeing a couple of trailers, though, I fell for this game. I loved flying spaceships in X Wing and Tie Fighter. I loved swimming and discovering life in Endless Ocean. And I just love exploring worlds in video games. I love that No Man’s Sky has spaceships, the chance to explore worlds, and swim in murky galactic seas.

I’ve hoped to find a great spaceship game. I mean, a game where you pilot a spaceship, dogfight with the enemy and dodge meaty asteroids before they flatten you into space marinara. I’m hoping to also roam the galaxy without objectives, just gazing at planets. A free ride.

The game also lets you land smoothly on a planet. I’ll want to explore different worlds on foot, no cookie cutter repeats, please. In other words, a gas giant with blue and black clouds need not apply with his twin brother–an identical giant with red and orange clouds.

I plan to inspect these worlds with an intergalactic magnifying glass. I’m hoping we’ll get to scan flora, fauna and fun creatures. The scanning process from the Metroid Prime series was fun and could be a nice aspect of No Man’s Sky too. However, I’d appreciate it even more if the developer created a novel approach to “scanning” these alien worlds. Of course, I’m hoping, if we catalog these planets, that some dangers will make it a challenging activity. Though they may not include scanning in No Man’s Sky at all. Just a thought.

Then I plan to dive underwater and catalog life there. Like floating in a swimming pool on a warm and sunny day, I could float in an ocean and watch foreign creatures swim. That sounds so relaxing. It will also be a nice change of pace from dog-fighting in space. Don’t forget how tense it will be to swim in poisonous oceans filled to the top with monstrous chimeras.

No Man’s Sky, for me, doesn’t need objectives. I already know what I’m going to do. I’m going to swim in endless alien oceans, explore vast swaths of territory, catalog all life if it kills me (ha!), and fly spaceships in loop-de-loops. I for one will find that refreshing, relaxing and fun. Do you?

Last one in space is a rotten Earth egg! (See, I’m sure they’re will be other kinds of eggs in the game).

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December 28, 2014 · 2:08 pm

Time Traveling to Play Video Games

Super Mario Bros is a good game because you get to save a princess.

Mario goes on a journey to save her. He jumps so much and picks up shiny coins. Jumping and collecting coins is fun. Jumping on bad guys is also fun.

Sometimes Mario jumps, falls and disappears. Where did he go? Do you know? I don’t. Tell me. Come on!

Then he comes back and everything is great. I get to play the game again.

It looks so good. There are flying turtles and mushrooms. I wonder if they taste good? Does Mario cook them?

You have to move forward to reach the end of the world. Fireballs burn. Run! Run! I hid in a pipe for a moment to escape them.

Then I found the princess because my big brother helped me. Mario loves her and saves her from a bad guy. Do they get married?

This game is fun if you like to jump.

P.S. Time for my nap.

By Adam age 10?

Anyway, to write this post, I channeled my inner child. When that didn’t work, I traveled back in time with a certain device to write with my childhood self.

Nah, I tried to imagine how the ten-year old me would write a post about video games. You read the result, but I have no memory of how I wrote as a child. It’s a guess.

Have you ever tried to write like your childhood self? Did you ever write anything about video games as a child? Are you willing to share and embarrass — maybe — yourself?

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December 21, 2014 · 3:23 pm

My EX (console) Sent Me This

I was the best

the top of the line

but you don’t need coins to play me.

Stacked high on the shelf

and then I landed in your arms

you took me home

and showed me love I’d never known

it almost melted my metal heart.

You plugged me in

to give me life, support.

Energy surged through me

like a shooting star in the night sky

my light shined for all to see.

Now it’s just a daze

a foggy haze in a distant nebula.

And did you know I sat there all day?

so much dust

I couldn’t breathe right

*achoo!*

Where once I was a star

I fizzled out in empty space.

It’s time for you

to move on.

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December 14, 2014 · 1:02 pm

Achievements Gone Wild

Running around in circles in search of a missing golden banana. Sound like an obsession or good fun? What if I told you there was an achievement at the end of the tunnel?

Well, some people might obsess over achievements to the detriment of everything else in their life. Others dismiss achievements as pointless or stupid. Still others, such as myself, like to earn a fair achievement after they finish a fair challenge. And I bet there are even more opinions on the topic of awards in video games.

Now it’s time for you to be the judge. I have three scenarios below. Two probably show someone having fun while earning an achievement. A third, well, it’s a bit extreme.

1. It Never Ends

After you spent 70 hours playing a game, you unlock an achievement. You didn’t look at every blade of grass. Instead, you wanted to explore the beauty of the world. After all, the digital world needs someone to appreciate it too.

2. The Merchant of… Zombieland?

You need to shred 1000 pounds zombie flesh, what’s left of it anyway, with your handheld Civil War era gatling gun. Ammo is scarcer than water in a desert. You’ll have to run around and look in every haystack to squeeze out every bullet. Then, you’ll earn a series of achievements.

3. Green with Obsession

You have to collect the last green gemstone to unlock an achievement. In your search, you stumble upon the stellar scene of a star’s birth but don’t even bat an eye. You repeatedly die and never progress in the game because the final gemstone is, figuratively speaking, lodged in your brain. You will never stop until the gem is yours.

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