May 26, 2013 · 12:24 pm

It’s Just a Box

video game boxesThe sizzling sound on the pan meant breakfast was coming. It was time for scrambled eggs, but I didn’t know that something would scramble my brains that day as well.

I plopped myself down in a warm, fuzzy couch. My gaming couch was an impenetrable fortress that no one could scale to stop me from playing.

I stared at the black box in front of me. It was time to turn it on. Then a thousand different characters would leap out and introduce me to their worlds.

It was time to play some video games.

The game box served up fun, food and wine. Tick, tock the clock hands swerved. My next glance at the clock was at four o’clock.

Was there any need to see friends now? The box had all the social media you could want. You could share anything.

I found out, though, that sharing everything was not a great idea. I didn’t want to share my pathetic drunken game session. Well, maybe not this time.

All this social stuff clouded my interest in fun games. It would be nice, I thought, to have these social options, but I don’t want them plastered over everything.

Sometimes I just want to play alone to relax. Is that really so strange?

I decided on a change of scenery. When I stepped outside, the sun lit up my ghostly pale, pasty face, and I had to fight to open my light atrophied eyes.

I knew something was wrong when I tried to adjust the brightness outside. The rock in front of me should have been barely visible.

I swiped at the air to bring up an options menu. I could always adjust brightness with motion controls on the box. Alas, it didn’t work! My eyes still felt the searing pain of the sun.

Maybe I just needed to play a different game. My finger extended as if I could open the disc tray, but nothing happened. I stood there with a quizzical expression on my face. My mouth shifted to the left so that it almost formed a question mark shape, and my chin looked like the dot.

That’s when I saw a huge open field in front of me. The shiny sun, which illuminated every single blade of grass, punctuated the bright blue sky. People ran around, jumped up and down, sang and laughed. I had almost forgotten this stuff.

You know, the box had changed: it offered more options, noise and made mundane tasks exciting. It was shiny, sleek, sexy and seemed to have everything just for me.

But it was still only a box, and it was only one of many in life.

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May 19, 2013 · 9:44 pm

Interview with A Crotchety, Crusty and Old Console

Interview with a video game consoleSoon the next-gen consoles will rot your brains with the latest mind bending games. You’ll forget all about the current consoles. For posterity’s sake, I sat down and asked the older generation for their views on life and games.

Read on for my exclusive interview with a last gen console. We get up close and personal. I ask the hard questions and probe the dark corners of its psyche.

All of my questions are bold, and the console’s appear below in normal text.

Me: (Cough) Could you put out your cigarette, please?

A: Sheeesh what a picky person you are. Alright, boss, you got it, but I’m not dumping my Scotch just yet.

Me: So how are you?

A: I’m exhausted. My owners busted my disc tray all day. Before that, I was outta commission for a week when a baby shoved peanut butter inside of me. Talk about a sticky situation!

I wish my owners would stop putting their sticky paws all over my controllers. I wish they would stop playing late at night and leaving me on all day. I need rest too! Sometimes I want to zap them with my power cord.

But, to answer your question, I’m alright.

Me: What are you most proud of as a console from the last generation?

A: I haven’t yet taken a dirt nap. I haven’t fallen prey to a high failure rate.

Me: Yes, failure rates have been in the news this generation. From a console’s perspective, can you explain what it feels like to fail?

A:Well, it’s like this: there comes a time in every console’s life when we have to leave the living room. That’s a sad fact.

But that’s just the nature of a console. We start as a loose collection of chips and circuits, and we return to that loose collection in the end.

When we die off, sometimes we land in the dump. Some of us get crippling injuries and need repair. We languish in a sweaty customer service shop and hope for the best while phones ring all day.

We all have to go one day, but we get to play and bring a lot of joy to people along the way. It’s an honour to live, work and play as a console.

Me: That’s very deep. From a console’s perspective, what do you think about used games and preventing people from playing used games?

A: I have no real opinion about used games. But I hope more people pick up games because that means more playing with me. It gets awfully lonely to sit there and collect dust all month. Trust me, some of my friends who are Wiis have told me all about the horrors of dust.

Me: So are you looking forward to downloadable games replacing physical games?

A: Meh, I’ll believe it when I see it, Mac.

Me: Are video games art?

A: Well, feast your eyes on this beast (points toward itself). If nothing else, I am a work of art. At least that’s what your mother says all the time.

Me: Now that’s just uncalled for and rude. Moving on, what’s the future of video games?

A: We’ll take over the world! There will be better graphics, more immersion, better access to games, more great independent games, and world peace. That’s just a start, though that last one might take a long time.

***

There you have it: my interview with a crotchety old console. What questions would you ask? I might be able to ask it a couple more and publish an update.

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May 11, 2013 · 10:59 pm

Cannonball Back Into The Ocean

underwater video games

Cannonball!

I hope you’re not drenched from all the water I talked about last week. Brace yourself! You’ll feel water-logged today because you and I will dive back into the ocean.

I’m going tell you what I think a good underwater game should have. Then you will see why thatgamecompany is the best option to make the game.

Last week, I flooded you with talk about Endless Ocean and why I liked it. Go play Endless Ocean on Wii before you judge my taste in games. You’ll find it is like a refreshing fizzy drink in your otherwise stale gaming diet.

Now, I’d like to see a AAA ocean exploration game on the other consoles and PC. I’d want this game two have two feature.

1. An endless free-roaming mode like Endless Ocean

That means you can swim around the ocean in any direction and at any time. You could turn off damage mode too. That means no fear of shark bites or third degree sunburns.

You could call it grand theft auto under water, but, you know, without the prostitutes and drug dealers. Though I suppose you could get into some bloody shark battles.

2. A co-op story mode

It might be cool to swim through the ocean with a friend. You could explore the wonders of the ocean in the free roam mode. Or you could dive into a cool story together.

Why Them?

Sign me up for a thatgamecompany ocean game that has these features. They know how to dazzle us with a desolate desert. Why not try the same thing with an ocean? I’d like to see how they handle all the fish interactions; this could cause the game to sink or swim.

They could also copy the multiplayer from Journey. I can picture it now. You swim around an ocean and strangers jump into your game with splash, like a cannonball at the pool. Sounds like fun to me.

But could thatgamecompany make a great underwater game?

I think so.

• their games have a great art style

• their games are original

• Journey has exceptional multiplayer and music

How could you resist a non-existent game this good?

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May 5, 2013 · 4:30 pm

Staring at an Endless Ocean

underwater video games

The antidote for too much FPS action?

“This game,” I thought, “could either put me to sleep or relax me.”

Then someone started talking to me. I looked down to see a Best Buy cashier who questioned  my game choice.

“Are you really going to play this?” The cashier cocked her head and furrowed her brow as she looked at me.

No, I didn’t pick up a Teletubbies game.

That day, I bought Endless Ocean for my dust covered Wii. The surprised cashier doubted that a twenty something guy would play a game like that. I mean, there are no guns, blood or gore on the cover. What, you may ask, gives?

At first, I thought it looked like a dull video game. I thought I’d find something better to do with my time. But Endless Ocean promised to let me play under the sea!

So, yes, I bought the game.

Then the cashier smiled and said, “Hey, I might have to check this out too.” I didn’t twist her arm. I swear.

Relaxing Video Games: Part of a Balanced Diet

I like games with big explosions as much as the next gamer, but sometimes I need a change of pace. Sometimes I don’t want to blow away endless waves of bad guys with a machine gun. I want to relax in an Endless Ocean. I want variety.

Endless Ocean is great because you don’t need to do anything. You can float around a huge body of water without a care in the world. You can just relax, like a summer vacation.

So you like to do stuff in games? Do you like goals and missions? You can always take clients for a dive or search for sunken treasure in Endless Ocean. And don’t forget you can meet all the friendly – and deadly – animals under the sea. Did someone say sea pig?

But I mostly like the game because I can swim anywhere I want. It helps that the soundtrack matches the relaxing vibe of the game. The music seems heavenly at some points, which is not a word used to describe most games. I’m thankful, though, that some games let us experience these feelings.

An Endless Ocean for All

I wish there were more diving games like Endless Ocean. In fact, I wish some developer – maybe thatgamecompany – would do an underwater exploration game. Then they could put it on XBLA, PSN and Steam.

You know a huge ocean would look beautiful on the other consoles and PC.

Don’t you want to swim in an ocean every day of the year?

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April 28, 2013 · 6:33 pm

The Dream Team That Fell From The Sky

video game dream teamOne morning I woke up thanks to the sounds of screams. They were screams of joy and laughter coming from my kitchen. As I sprang out of bed and ran into hallway, I peered below and stood amazed.

There, in my kitchen, were some of the best video game developers in the world. The light coming from that room was so bright that I couldn’t make out anyone’s faces.

“Hello, Adam,” one of them said. “Wait ‘til you see what we’ve cooked up for you.”

It wasn’t a towering skyscraper of flap jacks smothered with maple syrup. Instead, with beaming smiles, they pointed towards a TV. It was a new game. They made it just for me.

Here’s what that dream team looked like and what they brought to the table:

1. A BioWare tale

The Mass Effect series draws you in with an amazing story and doesn’t let go of you. You’ll feel like you’re flying on an interstellar journey on your couch. They’ll pen a tale for my game that would overflow with great characters.

2. Crytek and EA’s destructible environments

I want to smash everything in a game. Hey, I call that realism and it immerses me in the action, so don’t judge. However, the destruction shouldn`t be the focus of the game; I don’t want to play a destruction tech demo with a paper-thin story.

3. A Bethesda world

How would you like to live in a world with nuclear war, irradiated food, mutants and giant crabs? That world is fun to inhabit in Fallout 3.

How would you like to explore Skryim’s snowy mountain peaks, flowing rivers and leafy green trees? That’s what I thought.

Bethesda is the obvious choice to make a world worth getting to know.

4. A Naughty Dog production

The Uncharted games offer the same kinds of thrills that you find in blockbuster movies. Games don’t have to compete with movies, but it’s nice when they do it well. I’d like to see what Naughty Dog could bring to a game for me.

5. Overall game design by Valve

I chose Valve because I think Portal is the most creative game I’ve played in the last six years. Valve has a proven track record. Need I say more?

6. Something unexpected from thatgamecompany

Who knew that I’d want a game like Journey? Thatgamecompany can add anything they want because I trust they’ll make it good.

7. Vehicles and music by Bungie

Halo games have tons of fun and cool vehicles. Bungie always did a good job breaking up on-foot missions with vehicle segments on land and air. True bliss is driving one of these cars while the music of Halo blasts through your speakers.

Bungie and Marty O’Donnell will get the job done on my game.

***

Alas, I woke up in the kitchen with my face in a plate of pancakes. The dream team was only a drowsy dream. My sudden snap back to reality was depressing. I guess licking this plate of flapjacks clean will console me.

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April 21, 2013 · 6:22 pm

To Turn the Page or Play the Game? That Is the Question.

reading vs. video gamesWhen you think about books, what image pops into your head? Dry and dusty tomes covered with cobwebs. Librarians, with fingers on their lips, shush you.

However, adrenaline surges through your veins and your heart pounds at the thought of games. The amazing graphics knock you off your feet. The HD visuals fan your hair back like your couch was sitting on a roller coaster. You can’t turn a page in an atmosphere like that.

But get off that roller coaster sometimes. You should always find time to both read and play. After all, you don’t want to become a mindless zombie from staring at a screen all day.

  • A lot of people see gamers as zombies who lack social skills and a life.
  • A lot of people like to take pot shots at video games. We gamers don’t need to give these haters more ammo.
  • A lot of people don’t know what they’re babbling about.

Tips for Reading Books and Playing Video Games

We can prove that we’re well-read – maybe by starting a blog like me! – and remind others that gamers are just like them.

Here’s some things to keep in mind about balancing these two activities:

1. My Blog Doesn’t Count

Look, I’m flattered that you like it, but it just doesn’t cut it. Of course, that doesn’t mean you should stop showering me with praise.

2. Dialogue and Subtitles Don’t Count as Reading

Yeah, not even really wordy games. That includes old-fashioned text games too.

3. The Best of Both Worlds

You can start reading books based on video games. Check out the Halo Books if you’re into sci-fi.

4. Gateway Drugs

You know, those books based on video games could be like a gateway drug. Start with these and then you can go on to real literature and war stories, like the The Red Badge of Courage.

5. Books Aren’t Saints Either

Are you a teen? Still not convinced you should read? Well, teen novels have more swearing than video games, according to one study. You can get your fill of profanity in book form.

6. Balanced Diet

Don’t get too much of video games or books. Aim for the golden mean.

7. Now get out there and read, zombie!

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April 14, 2013 · 7:27 pm

Breath of Fresh Light: Video Games and Fun Flashlights

flashlights in video gamesThere’s a cavernous tunnel up ahead, and you have to go through it. The way ahead is so dark that no one could make it through alive.

Wait! What was that?

A blood curdling scream and the sounds of a monster’s faint footsteps behind you. You fumble for your flashlight, as you slowly turn around, to face your fear. But the flashlight emits a sickly light for a mere two seconds.

Then the light dies and darkness surrounds you. The darkness swallows you and the monster gets ready to do the same.

Game over…

***

You’ve probably used a flashlight in a video game at some point. Here are the three “F’s” that I’ve noticed about these flashlights:

Video Game Flashlights: The Three “F’s”

1. Frustrating

The above story may have you pulling out your hair. Your flashlight has a short battery life, has to recharge constantly and doesn’t give you much light. You get more juice when you squeeze an orange in the morning.

2. Frightening

In these games, the flashlight still doesn’t have much juice, which is annoying, but it’s effective in a scary game. I think F.E.A.R. is a good example of this.

3. (and sometimes) Fun

In Alan Wake, your flashlight isn’t frustrating; it’s your best friend. You’ll use it as a basic weapon to take down an enemy’s shield that’s made of “darkness.”

Basic usage of the flashlight doesn’t seem to drain much battery power in this game. But you won’t use it for the usual stuff.

You’ll spend a lot of time “boosting” your flashlight – kind of like a charged up shot – to take down enemy shields as fast as possible. That’s because you want to shoot them in the head before they throw an axe at you. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? However, boosting will drain your flashlight, and you’ll have to replace batteries.

Alan Wake has a flashlight that runs on batteries and is still fun to use. Gee, what a novel concept!

Best Use of Flashlights in a Video Game

The award for best use of a flashlight in a video game goes to… Alan Wake.

Can you think of any other games that use flashlights well? What games use them poorly?

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April 7, 2013 · 8:59 am

Level Up Everything Until You Drop!

Level upWhen you level up something in a game, you take it to next level; you upgrade it. That level process never gets old. You can’t say that about everything in life. You also can’t walk around and try to level up your cat or lawn mower. And why would you want to do that anyway?

Games, which are kind of like digital playgrounds, are the perfect place to level up things and go crazy with them.

Want to know if it’s a good idea to put a chainsaw and a flamethrower on your car? Test it in a game first. You wouldn’t want act irresponsibly would you? I thought so.

So here are some things that I love to level up in games.

(1) Guns

It’s rewarding and fun to start with a pea shooter and then level it up to a mega weapon. Pea shooters leave you feeling like a scrawny kid who gets beat up for lunch money. By contrast, you stand tall with the mega weapon and mow down bad guys who scurry for cover so fast that they leave behind dust clouds.

The Rhyno V in Ratchet and Clank Future: A Crack in Time is a good example of a mega weapon. The Rhyno wastes bad guys with style and a lot of deadly projectiles. Did you know this gun also plays Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture while you shoot it? It may sound like a macabre celebration of death, but it’s Ratchet and Clank and they make it fun.

I think more shooters would grab me if they let me level up guns from pea shooter to mega weapon.

(2) Vehicles

Heroes can’t survive on guns alone. They’re feet also get sore after walking for miles in a game. That’s why we have tanks: good guys can both run over and blast baddies.

But the traditional tank would be so much cooler if it hovered, had a speed burst and rocket launcher. Imagine racing a warthog with two machine guns through Halo.

(3) Medieval weapons

I’m talking about swords and arrows here. It would be really cool if I could upgrade the tips of these weapons with poison. What about adding fire arrows and magic swords?

What’s this sword missing? “Hmm maybe I should level up the sword to add a gun to it!” Now that sounds like a plan.

What do you like/want to level up in games?

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March 24, 2013 · 3:16 pm

Are You a PlayStation Vita Addict?

PlayStation Vita addictIs your PlayStation Vita stealing the best years of your life?

It’s ironic: a product named after life could rob you of it.

The first step to recovery is to admit you have a problem. Now let me tell you about the symptoms.

  • You play games on your PS3 non-stop.
  • Then, you take your Vita and play while you’re on the go, even when you’re in a rush.
  • You play the Vita while walking around the city by yourself, even when you have to meet friends.
  • You’re an hour late for work but your boss doesn’t notice or care. That’s because she’s glued to her desk and playing her Vita too!
  • You’re cooking white rice for a stir fry but you burnt it. The rice looks like a black sky on a moonless prairie night. It’s all because you couldn’t stop playing your Vita.
  • You were going to bed early, but you slept for only one hour. That’s because you stayed up all night playing Vita and woke up with bloodshot eyes.

Maybe all of these Vita problems will mean our species’ extinction.

Uh oh! All this talk about the Vita has got me interested in buying one. I think I’ll just go for a meaningless walk to the nearest GameStop now… for no reason. Ok, fine, I’ll stay honest here. Maybe I’ll play Vita games on the subway until I ride from one end of town to the other.

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March 14, 2013 · 5:17 pm

Mock Advertisement: Expand Your Mind with This Implant

Expand your mind today while playing video gamesThe Next-Gen Begins in Your Head

You can now play video games with your thoughts.

No more need for controllers, a mouse, or motion control!

Just buy Brain Rot Inc.’s head implant, sit back and rot your brains while playing video games all day long.

Then you feel like a mindless, puddle drooling zombie.

Here’s how you can become zombie:

Step 1:

Let us drill a small hole in your skull. Trust us, you won’t feel a thing.*

Step 2:

We lodge our new brain implant into your head.**

Step 3:

Glue yourself to your couch and play our video games non-stop for several days.

Step 4:

Go forth and munch on brains. We recommend free range brains only.

Disclaimer:

  • You will turn green over several months before you look like a mindless zombie. In the meantime, test subjects should refrain from eating loved ones.
  • You are willing to lose several brain cells.
  • You agree not to hold us responsible for the loss of your brain cells.

*Note: We’ll try to make sure you don’t feel anything, but we can’t make promises.

** You allow us to make a little room in your head, if necessary. Though we shouldn’t see too much if you’ve played our games for long enough.

(If you have no idea what I’m talking about, read my post, Move Over, Motion Control! Play Video Games with Your Thoughts)

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