Category Archives: Video Game Technology

November 2, 2014 · 9:50 am

“Wow! You Got a New Console”

When I was a kid, I didn’t dream about cars. My urge to escape had nothing to do with speeding on the highway in a Ferrari. Instead, I hoped to get the latest video game console. A video game console, for me, was fun without end in a far away land.

A console was a luxury item that my parents bestowed upon a good kid. They reserved the console for special events like Christmas and birthdays, making those days even better. I anticipated the gifts under the tree, the feel and peeling sound of unwrapping, the reveal and joy. Of course, I had to share the console with my older brother too, and I never got a console on launch day.

So for me as a child, a video game console seemed to be the pinnacle of luxury. For me, a console was the childhood equivalent of a new car. After all, the average adult, who isn’t weighed down by the gold in their pockets, doesn’t buy a luxury object, like a new car, on a whim. They need to plan and make a major investment. From my naïve perspective, a new video game console was a major investment too. And it was the only major investment that I wanted as a kid.

So a new console, like a new car, was always a big surprise to see. “Wow you got the N64!” That’s something I probably said when another kid told me about their new gift. And I wanted my own.

My parents, wiser and more experienced than I, may have wanted to keep me from getting everything I wanted. Maybe they didn’t want me to become spoiled. They kept me in the fridge, in a sense, to make sure I didn’t become rotten.

But now I don’t need to wait for them to buy me a new console for a special occasion. I’ve grown up and don’t consider a video game machine to be the most important thing in the world. Now I understand money, have some of my own, and I can afford to save and budget. Now a car or owning a house is a luxury, though consoles still aren’t like one cent candies.

As I’ve grown up, the wonder and excitement of owning a new console has worn off. I could save to buy a console whenever I want. Well, almost whenever I want because my super powers do not include turning base metals into gold.

But I didn’t write this post to talk about how I can buy a console now . Instead, I wanted to look back on those childhood days with fondness. I want to keep that child-like sense of wonder and love for simpler times and things. When I unwrapped that console, I had a sparkle in my eyes that transcended a desire for mere consumer things. It’s called joy. I want to keep that sparkle alive as I live my life.

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August 10, 2014 · 9:54 pm

Help! My Video Console Is Out to Get Me

I know why it tried to kill me. I neglected the console for a while. In fact, it was so neglected that it choked on house dust.

The console was also jealous about how I spent more time with its competitors. Several times it caught me on the couch with an Xbox or with the PC in my bedroom. The console didn’t like that I grinned from ear to ear when I was in the bedroom. I’m sure this neglected console’s power-on button was green with envy.

The console became distant and cold after these events. Then I stared at a blank screen alone in dark. For a change, I tried to become re-acquainted with my Xbox or PC, but they mysteriously disappeared. I only had this dusty, neglected console.

The console got worse. I learned about its pyromania problems. One day, it became so hot that it almost burned a wooden shelf I had placed it on. Good thing I caught that before bedtime. After that incident, I kept a fire extinguisher nearby—just in case.

The last straw occurred when the console developed homicidal hatred. I awoke one morning to find a picture of my girlfriend, normally on the end table by my bed, missing. I shrugged it off and stumbled into the bathroom. I reached for a knob in the tub when I noticed a long, plugged-in extension cord and something else. There was a toaster in the bathtub!

I guess I should have seen this homicidal behaviour coming. After all, advertisements touted it as the killer console of the century. Those advertisements were true to their word, a rare occurrence indeed.

I decided to put an end to this awful relationship. I threw the console in the dump; it wouldn’t turn on anyway. Let’s hope some poor soul doesn’t chance upon it.

As for me, I walked out of the dump with my held high, staring at the blue sky. The future looked bright and there was a new generation on the horizon.

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July 27, 2014 · 11:29 pm

My Video Game Console Took over My Living Room

I woke up one Saturday morning to the sounds of shrill shouting. As I tip toed toward my living room, the shouting became louder. My teeth chattered. My knees buckled. What could it be?

Rolling thunder made a rumbling sound as if someone was moving heavy furniture on the floor above me. A crack of white-hot lightning bleached the sky as I sauntered past the window. And then I saw it.

I saw a face with a nasty snarl, pointy teeth and menacing eyes. It looked like an evil Jack O’Lantern; only the face was on my TV set!

As I scanned the living room, I noticed all of my electronics were standing in a long line in front of the TV. They looked like a set of dominoes. I could only tell the electronics apart because they sported long, sad faces, each one longer and sadder than the previous one.

My cellphone, my other video game boxes, game controllers, remotes, and blu rays were all there. They huffed and puffed while running to join the line. Like trees, the DVDs showed their age by the multiple rings that ran around them.

What were they doing? They lined up to bow before the TV and offered it gifts. They brought surge protectors, extension cords and a new set of speakers.

“Yes, yes bow down before me—the master of the living room. I am the supreme video game console of the universe,” the TV bellowed.

I noticed my video game console glowed an unearthly hue and levitated off of the table. The console was just using my TV as a mouthpiece to broadcast its message of world domination.

I rubbed my eyes and could now see clearly. My console had taken over my living room!

Your Video Game Console is Coming for You Next

It can happen to anyone. Just think about how much your console does for you and what it might want in return.  Oh,the horror! The horror!

1. Games

You couldn’t resist the bright and shiny allure of a new console. Then, once you got one, you needed something to play. Slowly, you amassed a heap of game boxes that you’ve scattered across your living room.

2. Motion Controls

So you’ve got your TV remote and maybe another remote for movies. Now you’ve got motion controllers and Kinect there.

3. Movies and TV

These are wildly popular. Who knows what’s next?

Keep your eyes open and always beware what lurks in the shadows. You’ve been warned.

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June 15, 2014 · 10:19 am

A Warning from the Future

Some mysterious person sent me this strange email, and I thought you should read it.

I bring grave news from the future. In the year 2032 new video game technology will reduce all of humanity to brain-dead zombies. No one will resist it. Nothing can prevent this future.

People will bask in the warm glow of this technology all day and everyday. They will treat the screen like a helpless baby and never take their eyes off it. These poor zombies will see their eyes sink back into their heads until they look like prehistoric cavemen.

Don’t blame us; the technology was very impressive. It dwarfed any of the current virtual reality products that you know about. In fact, we marveled at how this new tech made the virtual world indistinguishable from reality. Games and life became the same thing. The lines were blurred.

After the blurry lines, it was a short descent into madness for the human race. It was also a short descent down into the Earth’s caves. In the caves, we sat in front of screens all day and played video games until we couldn’t see straight. Some people tried to escape, but few made it. No one could avert their eyes from the shiny allure of the screen.

I too fell victim to this technology. I sat in a cave for days, as if someone had crazy glued me to the seat, and watched images flicker on the screen. My future seemed bleak. The cave had swallowed me up.

One day a wise woman named Sophia broke into the cave. No one seemed to notice her except me. I moved away from the screen, which I had never done before and talked to her.

“You still have some life in you,” she said. As she looked at my pale face, she spoke again, “You might still know the truth when you see it.”

She grabbed me by the arm and took me to a long ladder behind the screen. Light bathed the glittering ladder. But where was the light coming from?

As we climbed the ladder in a plodding fashion, I saw a crouched person behind the screen. He was flipping switches to control every game we played. He controlled us like puppets all along. My face and hands burned with such a fiery rage that I almost melted the wooden ladder with my anger.

When outside, the sun shone so bright it almost blinded me. My muscles were still too weak to move. It hurt but I was free.

I finally saw the source of the light: a huge golden orb that shone in the sky. The orb represented the good that I had traded in for the coldness of the cave.

“Now you know the truth,” said the old woman, “they deceived you.”

And now you know the truth too. Beware the technology of 2032.

Meh! I thought the email was a spammy scare tactic. I deleted it.

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October 27, 2013 · 5:28 pm

Reason Before Passion in the Console Wars

next gen console warsSometimes the console wars go over the top. Now, people argue about things that don’t matter to blow off steam. I get it. That’s fine. But game arguments can spiral out of control and become console wars.

In these conflicts, crazed fans toss insults at each other like grenades thrown at enemies in a battle. However, the casualties in this video game war are brain cells, not scores of soldiers. The wars become a deadly Molotov cocktail-like mix of game preferences, ignorance and anger.

One can tell when an argument about consoles has spiraled out of control. There is no more reason. No love for others. Total war destroys all of these. Gamers in these wars have an unhealthy love of machines and spew venom on others. That is what defines a console war.

This unhealthy love is nothing new. Console wars have raged for many years, and they have intensified as we await the release of the new machines. Microsoft’s policy reversals and rumours about boxes have given hawkish gamers the chance to start a battle. These hawks have a simple rallying cry: “My next-gen console is better than yours.”

However, gamers cannot say yet that one next-gen console is better than the other. The reason is simple: the consoles are not available yet. Some might counter that we know much about these consoles already, but we still have much to learn. And the console makers could make drastic changes to their machines after we buy them.

How could anyone argue about “the best console” until they have played all the machines? After they’ve tried all the consoles, and maybe after they’ve waited until the end of that generation, gamers can then ask some questions. Gamers could ask themselves if Sony, Microsoft or Nintendo, did what they set out to do. Did they keep their promises?

Of course, a good part of this assessment involves games, not just boxes. We can talk about boxes all we want. But at the end of the day, gamers are – surprise! – enamored with games. At the very least, wait until the games come out before you judge the consoles.

Even after the games come out, it may take many years of hindsight before you can say one console was “better” than another. And then you still have to figure out standards to judge these machines.

The console wars are pointless. The opponents in these conflicts can agree they both love video games. Instead of arguing, these people could discuss their love for games. Better yet, they could spend time playing together and lay down their arms. I’m sure most people prefer fun over war.

 

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May 26, 2013 · 12:24 pm

It’s Just a Box

video game boxesThe sizzling sound on the pan meant breakfast was coming. It was time for scrambled eggs, but I didn’t know that something would scramble my brains that day as well.

I plopped myself down in a warm, fuzzy couch. My gaming couch was an impenetrable fortress that no one could scale to stop me from playing.

I stared at the black box in front of me. It was time to turn it on. Then a thousand different characters would leap out and introduce me to their worlds.

It was time to play some video games.

The game box served up fun, food and wine. Tick, tock the clock hands swerved. My next glance at the clock was at four o’clock.

Was there any need to see friends now? The box had all the social media you could want. You could share anything.

I found out, though, that sharing everything was not a great idea. I didn’t want to share my pathetic drunken game session. Well, maybe not this time.

All this social stuff clouded my interest in fun games. It would be nice, I thought, to have these social options, but I don’t want them plastered over everything.

Sometimes I just want to play alone to relax. Is that really so strange?

I decided on a change of scenery. When I stepped outside, the sun lit up my ghostly pale, pasty face, and I had to fight to open my light atrophied eyes.

I knew something was wrong when I tried to adjust the brightness outside. The rock in front of me should have been barely visible.

I swiped at the air to bring up an options menu. I could always adjust brightness with motion controls on the box. Alas, it didn’t work! My eyes still felt the searing pain of the sun.

Maybe I just needed to play a different game. My finger extended as if I could open the disc tray, but nothing happened. I stood there with a quizzical expression on my face. My mouth shifted to the left so that it almost formed a question mark shape, and my chin looked like the dot.

That’s when I saw a huge open field in front of me. The shiny sun, which illuminated every single blade of grass, punctuated the bright blue sky. People ran around, jumped up and down, sang and laughed. I had almost forgotten this stuff.

You know, the box had changed: it offered more options, noise and made mundane tasks exciting. It was shiny, sleek, sexy and seemed to have everything just for me.

But it was still only a box, and it was only one of many in life.

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May 19, 2013 · 9:44 pm

Interview with A Crotchety, Crusty and Old Console

Interview with a video game consoleSoon the next-gen consoles will rot your brains with the latest mind bending games. You’ll forget all about the current consoles. For posterity’s sake, I sat down and asked the older generation for their views on life and games.

Read on for my exclusive interview with a last gen console. We get up close and personal. I ask the hard questions and probe the dark corners of its psyche.

All of my questions are bold, and the console’s appear below in normal text.

Me: (Cough) Could you put out your cigarette, please?

A: Sheeesh what a picky person you are. Alright, boss, you got it, but I’m not dumping my Scotch just yet.

Me: So how are you?

A: I’m exhausted. My owners busted my disc tray all day. Before that, I was outta commission for a week when a baby shoved peanut butter inside of me. Talk about a sticky situation!

I wish my owners would stop putting their sticky paws all over my controllers. I wish they would stop playing late at night and leaving me on all day. I need rest too! Sometimes I want to zap them with my power cord.

But, to answer your question, I’m alright.

Me: What are you most proud of as a console from the last generation?

A: I haven’t yet taken a dirt nap. I haven’t fallen prey to a high failure rate.

Me: Yes, failure rates have been in the news this generation. From a console’s perspective, can you explain what it feels like to fail?

A:Well, it’s like this: there comes a time in every console’s life when we have to leave the living room. That’s a sad fact.

But that’s just the nature of a console. We start as a loose collection of chips and circuits, and we return to that loose collection in the end.

When we die off, sometimes we land in the dump. Some of us get crippling injuries and need repair. We languish in a sweaty customer service shop and hope for the best while phones ring all day.

We all have to go one day, but we get to play and bring a lot of joy to people along the way. It’s an honour to live, work and play as a console.

Me: That’s very deep. From a console’s perspective, what do you think about used games and preventing people from playing used games?

A: I have no real opinion about used games. But I hope more people pick up games because that means more playing with me. It gets awfully lonely to sit there and collect dust all month. Trust me, some of my friends who are Wiis have told me all about the horrors of dust.

Me: So are you looking forward to downloadable games replacing physical games?

A: Meh, I’ll believe it when I see it, Mac.

Me: Are video games art?

A: Well, feast your eyes on this beast (points toward itself). If nothing else, I am a work of art. At least that’s what your mother says all the time.

Me: Now that’s just uncalled for and rude. Moving on, what’s the future of video games?

A: We’ll take over the world! There will be better graphics, more immersion, better access to games, more great independent games, and world peace. That’s just a start, though that last one might take a long time.

***

There you have it: my interview with a crotchety old console. What questions would you ask? I might be able to ask it a couple more and publish an update.

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March 24, 2013 · 3:16 pm

Are You a PlayStation Vita Addict?

PlayStation Vita addictIs your PlayStation Vita stealing the best years of your life?

It’s ironic: a product named after life could rob you of it.

The first step to recovery is to admit you have a problem. Now let me tell you about the symptoms.

  • You play games on your PS3 non-stop.
  • Then, you take your Vita and play while you’re on the go, even when you’re in a rush.
  • You play the Vita while walking around the city by yourself, even when you have to meet friends.
  • You’re an hour late for work but your boss doesn’t notice or care. That’s because she’s glued to her desk and playing her Vita too!
  • You’re cooking white rice for a stir fry but you burnt it. The rice looks like a black sky on a moonless prairie night. It’s all because you couldn’t stop playing your Vita.
  • You were going to bed early, but you slept for only one hour. That’s because you stayed up all night playing Vita and woke up with bloodshot eyes.

Maybe all of these Vita problems will mean our species’ extinction.

Uh oh! All this talk about the Vita has got me interested in buying one. I think I’ll just go for a meaningless walk to the nearest GameStop now… for no reason. Ok, fine, I’ll stay honest here. Maybe I’ll play Vita games on the subway until I ride from one end of town to the other.

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March 14, 2013 · 5:17 pm

Mock Advertisement: Expand Your Mind with This Implant

Expand your mind today while playing video gamesThe Next-Gen Begins in Your Head

You can now play video games with your thoughts.

No more need for controllers, a mouse, or motion control!

Just buy Brain Rot Inc.’s head implant, sit back and rot your brains while playing video games all day long.

Then you feel like a mindless, puddle drooling zombie.

Here’s how you can become zombie:

Step 1:

Let us drill a small hole in your skull. Trust us, you won’t feel a thing.*

Step 2:

We lodge our new brain implant into your head.**

Step 3:

Glue yourself to your couch and play our video games non-stop for several days.

Step 4:

Go forth and munch on brains. We recommend free range brains only.

Disclaimer:

  • You will turn green over several months before you look like a mindless zombie. In the meantime, test subjects should refrain from eating loved ones.
  • You are willing to lose several brain cells.
  • You agree not to hold us responsible for the loss of your brain cells.

*Note: We’ll try to make sure you don’t feel anything, but we can’t make promises.

** You allow us to make a little room in your head, if necessary. Though we shouldn’t see too much if you’ve played our games for long enough.

(If you have no idea what I’m talking about, read my post, Move Over, Motion Control! Play Video Games with Your Thoughts)

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February 26, 2013 · 8:15 pm

My Xbox Has a Message for the Next-Gen… from the Grave

three red lightsMy Xbox 360 breathed its last breath two years ago. It wheezed and probably coughed up a lot of house dust. Then the dreaded three red lights appeared and mocked me.

Before that, I was cruising along fun highway without a care in the world. The three red lights were like a flat tire that forced me to pull over to the curb.

It was game over.

I thought about what I would do next. Could I ever learn to trust Xbox again? Would I stay single by taking myself off the console circuit?

Well, not long after that tragedy, I started to court the PS3 and fell for it. Here’s five reasons why I choose the PS3:

1. Disconnect

Kinect isn’t for me. I’m also not interested in Move, and I think Sony knows that.

2. More cool but meaningless numbers

I love trophies. Earning them is a RPG lover’s dream come true because they count towards your PSN level. Even better, I love to earn the platinum trophy in a game. Getting that platinum is like reaching the top of a mountain, planting a flag to claim it, and yelling with joy.

3. Can’t Survive on Halo Alone

Halo was one of the main reasons why I bought an Xbox 360. After a year or two, I was full. But PlayStation games, like Journey and Uncharted, beg for me to play them. They’re too good to ignore.

4. No more death

I didn’t want to see the three red lights again. They’re red hot glow is forever seared in my head.

5. Felt like something different

I wasn’t angry when my Xbox 360 died. I had always secretly wanted a PS3 but didn’t have the time to play with two consoles. In fact, I was happy when my Xbox died because now Sony’s machine was within my grasp. Looking back, it seems like everything worked out in the end.

A lesson for the next Gen from the Xbox Cemetery

New consoles are coming soon. You’re going to hear all about the great next-gen features that they have. Let’s hope the next-gen includes a failure free future or at least less fail. My continued support for the consoles will depend on it.

What about you?

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